My Thoughts

[Need to Talk]

31st of Dec
My Thoughts
Feeling sick again today, don’t feel like doing much. I can’t get her out of my head, I feel like I feel after a breakup yet we haven’t gone out as a couple. We haven’t even kissed, and what if we did would it be weird in work, would it just be a drunken thing. She wants us do more things that don’t include drink. Does she even feel the same as I do, I’m really not sure. I thought I could be her friend but it’s really killing me when I don’t see her, and as for kissing other guys in front of me. I can’t take it, it hurts so much. I’m falling for her really bad and I feel so guilty, for Eva and Ben, but I can’t help how I’m feeling. I want to spend so much more time with her. Friends is not going to work, I feel so sick when she talks of other guys and I want to cry when she kisses them in front of me.

Is she making me jealous, does she want me to make a move; she told me she is afraid of rejection, so I can’t see her make a move on me? Plus she knows I have someone already in my life. Should I be more in her face with other people? Is she feeling anything for me? I know she thinks about me the odd time, She told me she misses me when I’m not in work, she says I make her happy when I’m around. I’m so confused. I don’t know if its love I’m feeling for her or I just want to be with her. I know I feel so happy when she is around and I miss the shit out of her right now. I’d love to just go into work. But maybe I need to let her miss me more.
I also wonder if it’s just a thing with her, she has plenty of guy friends, is it just a friend I crave. Why does she have to be so warm and cute around me, she keeps touching me, but not sure if she is like that with everyone? I know she was thinking and talking about me with her best friend last week, she told me. I wonder will she do the same tonight, will she ask me again to pop into her. The thing I fear is that if she does and somehow I manage to get in to see her, what if she is kissing other guys tonight it will hurt so bad, and I will feel in a worse place. I would love to start off the New Year with her….poor Eva.
Why does she ask me to tell her if it bothers me, if she kisses other guys in front of me….Is she just a mind ****…..I don’t know. But I need to find out soon so I can get her out of my head and move on. I’d just stay away from her and try to forget. As for staying friends I Can’t do it sorry babe.


Thanks For Reading

[smackie9]

Um well this is just part of life. Even when you are married to the girl of your dreams, you will run into someone who sweeps you off your feet. But it doesn't mean you need to pursue them. Just be happy with who you are with and focus on making them happy. There is a reason why you chose to date your GF.....maybe it's time to revisit that.