Division of labour / responsiblity

[girl68]

Yes, your problem is common, and no, it isn't expecting too much for him to help pick up the slack around the house. The only problem is that men who require constant reminders to just do the bare minimum are unlikely to step up to the plate.

This. I also agree that if he needs to be asked to do stuff now, he'll need to be asked to "pick up the slack" as well. I'm pretty sure there's a difference between "nagging" and "honey, would you be able to take the trash out on the next commercial?" And yes, I think this is common I *always* need to be reminded to take out the trash- even if it is spilling over. I oblige once asked... but he still asks. I do the same to him.

We don't have kids, but we both have full time jobs, and I have full time school on top. And I usually have to ask him to pick up the slack by saying "I left the chicken out, can you prepare dinner." I'll tell him the house is overdue for cleaning and he should clean on 1 of the following 3 days. Options give him the choice to sorta figure out when he wants to do it, but that it does need to be done.

I don't think either of us asks too much of each other. So far it works for us.

[IndiReloaded]

You know I think I might start tallying up how much work I do a day around the home, just to see if I am chipping in my 50%. Generally as long as the house is clean, the bills paid and clean clothes in the drawers Hubby is happy with my contribution.

What's important is you each value the other's contribution and there is no resentment from the division of labour. But there are those who think its okay for one partner to work all day and then come home and work more.

We use a white board to keep track of jobs in my home. If one's list is viewed as excessive then jobs get redistributed. Its also good for kids to see this kind of sharing and planning, IMO.

[vashti]

While I was off work, I did all those things. I find it easier, more relaxing work than my job.

I did, too... until I had my 2nd baby.

[MaidenMinx]

What's important is you each value the other's contribution and there is no resentment from the division of labour. But there are those who think its okay for one partner to work all day and then come home and work more.

We use a white board to keep track of jobs in my home. If one's list is viewed as excessive then jobs get redistributed. Its also good for kids to see this kind of sharing and planning, IMO.

Don't get me wrong, I value his contribution no end. He is a wonderful provider, has always maintained a good work/home balance and he has no problem ironing his own shirts if I don't get around to it. I just want to tally things up for myself because I'm not certain I do an 8 hour day.. well not everyday anyway. Some days I get everything knocked over in just a couple of hours, others I feel like I put in 16! And I don't want to tally it up to prove to anyone but me that I do contribute. It would also help me find those spare hours for doing the things I need to do to keep my health in check. This week has been minimal on the housework front because strangely I find it harder to stay motivated to do the things I need to do when I am not smoking the wacky tobaccy (Day 5 and going strong!!!). Also having the li'l man on school holidays somehow shoots my motivation too (Only 3 and a half weeks to go!).
Speaking of motivation, I think I should go do my dishes.

[IndiReloaded]

I just want to tally things up for myself because I'm not certain I do an 8 hour day.. well not everyday anyway.

I'd be surprised if you did. I certainly didn't. One am hour to cook, 2 for general cleaning and another for whatever project needed doing. The rest was all baby.

One thing I highly recommend, tho I repeat myself: I think all homemakers (male or female) should keep their foot in the job market. Part time work or consulting, it helps to find full time work once your kids are in school.

I did, too... until I had my 2nd baby.

Two seems a lot more work than one, no question there. I know plenty of women w/only one who manage to work at least parttime. I don't know any with more than one that manages both.

[MaidenMinx]

I've tried keeping my foot in the job market. Limited skills (retail and hospitality) have made it difficult and with Hubby always working evenings I only have school hours and I'm hoping that this year my boy will settle enough to let me do something. I send off my application for a scholarship today so I have my fingers crossed.

The suckiest bit for me is a few months back I was applying everywhere I could for local work, and I had evenings free too because at the time Hubby wasn't working nights. Then Hubby gets a call and walks right into a job that would have been perfect for me. We had discussed before Christmas him "handing" me the job once New Years was past so I can have something outside the house to do but now he has decided to keep it. So annoyed. :/

[Petit Papillon]

Hmm I don't understand how can it be a big deal for someone to throw out the trash... It's something you can do on your way to work or whatever. If it goes about cleaning up, I prefer to do it myself. My bf proposes to me every time that he helps, but I prefer to do it myself or I get crazy... So I just let him take of the dust from the furnitures, definitely enough ^^ I even prefer to sort the trash, because for him the sorting is non existing, everything lands in one bag...
I think there isn't a perfect way to sort those things out. For some couples it's mandatory to split the chores 50/50 , for others not. But definitely, if you're not satisfied with the way things are, you should communicate it to him.

[IndiReloaded]

I've tried keeping my foot in the job market. Limited skills (retail and hospitality) have made it difficult

Retrain. Learn new skills. I can't even begin to tell you the options that are out there. In fact, I think I posted links to the MIT open courseware in another thread. Terrible economy now, but the baby boomers are going to leave a gaping hole. Or you can just leave it to overseas immigrants, that works too.

[asdfg789]

when I am not smoking the wacky tobaccy (Day 5 and going strong)

keep it up Minx !!

[Petit Papillon]

Retrain. Learn new skills. I can't even begin to tell you the options that are out there. In fact, I think I posted links to the MIT open courseware in another thread. Terrible economy now, but the baby boomers are going to leave a gaping hole. Or you can just leave it to overseas immigrants, that works too.

I have old people (+- 40 years older than me) coming to my economy and law classes, so I think it's never too late ^^

[MaidenMinx]

Retrain. Learn new skills. I can't even begin to tell you the options that are out there. In fact, I think I posted links to the MIT open courseware in another thread. Terrible economy now, but the baby boomers are going to leave a gaping hole. Or you can just leave it to overseas immigrants, that works too.

o

Hence the scholarship application. I want to become a personal trainer, but the courses here are $8000!! I don't have that kind of money, unfortunately. I have a good shot at the scholarship I am going for as it is aimed at people that can't afford it and / or want to help others. I fill both requirements there (I want to set myself up to offer rebated / free personal training to people suffering mild to moderate depression to help them avoid medication). Failing that, there is another scholarship that I need to be reffered to by a psychologist. That can be arranged quite easily.

[MaidenMinx]

keep it up Minx !!

Thanks man. I have had a change of mindset this time. Any time i have 'quit' in the past I have always figured I'd enjoy it on special occasions. This time, I never want to smoke again.

[bcgirl]

it should always be 50/50

If he is working hard and bringing home the dough. You should be cleaning, cooking, taking care of the house

Men should be the ones to take out the trash, mow the lawn, chop down a tree, put up the xmas lights, clean the gutters etc.

Women should be the one gardening, scrubbing the floors, paying the bills (women are usually on top of bill payments and organization), laundry, errands

If you decide to go to work or school full-time....then you won't have all the time in the world to take care of everything you used to....so he would have to take on some housework too.

My husband and I both have full-time jobs....he starts at 6AM and comes home by 4PM.....I come home at 6PM. Therefore he is the one in charge of dinner so that way we can have dinner in a timely manner. I would be the one who does the dishes. We both split house chores 50/50.

[IndiReloaded]

Men should be the ones to take out the trash, mow the lawn, chop down a tree, put up the xmas lights, clean the gutters etc.

Oh no. Except for chopping trees. He is the better gardener too. I love to clean my gutters. Its exciting to get up there and look at the roof and see whats in there!

[misombra]

i am the breadwinner and my boyfriend is a stay at home dad. he has never been a cleaner and he still isn't. i suck it up most of the time but it irritates the living **** out of me sometimes.