What in the hell happened? :/

[Armyofone]

Hey...

I will try not to make this long, but I am confused. :S

I met this girl not to long ago right before Halloween. We have known eachother for a good year and a half now but just met in October. I asked her out one night and didn't realize she just broke up with her bf. I though she had broken up with him a week earlier but that was my bad. I felt horrible. Anyway I got rejected, and I told myself to maybe try again down the road. I just wanted to be there for her. I know she was hurt, so the next few weeks we hung out at times, and it was really fun. I still liked her... I am not sure what she thought about me though. Well I am no expert but I really believe after a while she started showing me signs she liked me more then a friend. I was stoked... We were very tight for a good 3-4 weeks. I still didn't ask her out again... I wanted to give her as much time to get over her breakup. I just wanted to be there for her and be a good friend. Well all of a sudden... This guy comes out of nowhere. Turns out they dated a few years ago for a week or something. Well now they are dating again. What pisses me off the most is that I think... (think) he knew I liked her. I was just cruising facebook and saw it all happen. What in the hell happened? :/ This happens to me everytime... For some reason girls always just want to be my friend, and nothing more. Then they end up getting dumped on want me back again. And I am sick of it... :/ I am not a man whore... I respect people, and I really did like this girl. I still do... It's frustrating. Can someone please tell me what I did wrong? I am still being her friend but another part of me is really hurt... I just simply don't know why this always happens to me.

[smackie9]

Please read through [url]http://www.laddertheory.com[/url] , about 4 pages in, there is the girl's ladders that explains your situation. You are being stuck in the friends zone for a reason......you become friends with them first. Btw your timing had nothing to do with your rejection. She was never interested....she just liked your attention, and she got emotionally attached to you. Emotional attachment is NOT to be taken as sexual attraction.


Tip: it doesn't matter when you ask them out....if they give you excuses like, just out of a relationship, got exams, busy at work, have family issues....that means, I don't want to date you, please take the hint.

[smackie9]

If you wish to discuss this more you can find me on MSN messenger or pm me.

[Armyofone]

No that's okay I asked for advice I wanted honesty. I just don't get why this happens to me all the time. Oh well... I'll take a look at that site.

[Bigboy77]

ladder theory is good, check out this as well.. it explains the major problems today with a lot of western women.. [url]http://www.singularity2050.com/2010/01/the-misandry-bubble.html[/url]

[IndiReloaded]

You weren't aggressive enough to get her and the other guy was. Step up your game. In fact, ask her out anyway despite this other guy. You are showing your belly as if this guy has already won. Its early days yet and all's fair in love and war...

[Armyofone]

@Inidi

How abouts do I go about talking to her about it? She already really likes him from what I can see. I think if I tell her how I feel she's gonna hate me now. I could swear she was showing me signs that she liked me. I'm not really mad at her I am pissed off at this other kid who knew I was being a good person... giving her time to get over her breakup, and enjoying her as a person before I asked her out again, then here he comes and ruins everything. From what I understand she thinks he is absolutely adorable. It ticks me off just talking about this. What do I tell her? I honestly like her as a person. She is also very pretty... But I am not the kinda guy who wants a "relationship" just to get some action and then end up hurting her again. I am not like that at all. That's why it's so frustrating. It seems all women want are those kind of guys.

[smackie9]

@Inidi

How abouts do I go about talking to her about it? She already really likes him from what I can see. I think if I tell her how I feel she's gonna hate me now. I could swear she was showing me signs that she liked me. I'm not really mad at her I am pissed off at this other kid who knew I was being a good person... giving her time to get over her breakup, and enjoying her as a person before I asked her out again, then here he comes and ruins everything. From what I understand she thinks he is absolutely adorable. It ticks me off just talking about this. What do I tell her? I honestly like her as a person. She is also very pretty... But I am not the kinda guy who wants a "relationship" just to get some action and then end up hurting her again. I am not like that at all. That's why it's so frustrating. It seems all women want are those kind of guys.

Yes and all that is explained in the ladder theory. Happy reading.

[smackie9]

Now she didn't use you, you allowed her to do so, if that makes any sense. This being friends, being the nice caring guy is a mistake many make. Guys that step in and hit on the girl are not assholes. She is not married so she is fair game to anyone...there is no rule to back off if some other guys is hanging around with her. You don't have to be a bad boy or a jerk to get a girl interested. It's to know when to give them attention.....when they deserve it. A girl doesn't deserve your special attention if you are not dating. That is your first mistake. You approach, your get rejected, you back off and cut her off or at least distance yourself and hit on other girls. Do not focus all your attention on one girl for months...that is just a waste of time. With any approach, you never express your feelings..that is for wimps, girls don't like wimps. You just ask them out with confidence, and maybe with some wit. Don't say "would you like to go out" You say I want to take you out, what's your number". You need to be direct and firm. Girls like confidence and a guy to take the lead.

[IndiReloaded]

@Inidi

How abouts do I go about talking to her about it? She already really likes him from what I can see. I think if I tell her how I feel she's gonna hate me now. I could swear she was showing me signs that she liked me. I'm not really mad at her I am pissed off at this other kid who knew I was being a good person... giving her time to get over her breakup, and enjoying her as a person before I asked her out again, then here he comes and ruins everything. From what I understand she thinks he is absolutely adorable. It ticks me off just talking about this. What do I tell her? I honestly like her as a person. She is also very pretty... But I am not the kinda guy who wants a "relationship" just to get some action and then end up hurting her again. I am not like that at all. That's why it's so frustrating. It seems all women want are those kind of guys.

Well, in this case just wait. Chances are high they will flame-out in a month or so. Watch for signs she is over the new relationship rush and then get friendly. Meantime, check out other girls. A bit of competition never hurt anyone.