How to let go?

[Lost987]

Listen, this is seriously my last resort and something I thought I'd never even post.
To me, this whole situation is ridiculous, I'm being ridiculous.
I'm an early 30s male, good looking, in shape, genuine, outgoing, tons of friends, tons of hobbies/interests, solid career...the whole nine.

I don't even want to go into the details of all the shit I've been through, I just want to know why in the world...2 years later I can't get past my ex.
I've been out on a bunch of dates, but no one really interests me at the level I want to be...and every failed attempt is like digging deeper and deeper into hopelessness

So here I am, 2 years later...I've been out, friends have tried hooking me up, I'm on online dating sites, I've probably been through 1000s, maybe 10,000s of profiles...and 99.9% of the girls I come across just don't have "it", whatever "it" is for me to be attracted to them. Those that do have "it" aren't interested, which I believe is completely normal...I don't expect everyone to be attracted to me.

Then my "test" to see where my feelings stand, how "over" my ex I am...is to check out her FB, and it still bothers me. I believe she's involved with some other guy (based on pics, not relationship status) and it just eats me up...why can't I just be happy for her and move the hell on with my life? How and why do I even feel this for a girl that ultimately treated me the way she did? She obviously doesn't want me, never did, was never my friend (despite considering me her best friend and the best thing that's ever happened to her in her life...even after we split), hasn't extended herself once since we split (I was a fool and reached out two times only for her to want to want to pick up where we left off as FRIENDS and act like nothing ever happened, whereas I'm torn apart and looking for her to at least mend me and our friendship, not ignore it/me/what's happened).

You may say, don't look at her, don't do this, don't do that...I HAVE. I blocked her on FB and entirely out of my life for almost a year...meanwhile going on dates, seeing what's out there, giving other people a chance...and it's the same vicious circle. It's getting to the point where it all just feels hopeless.

My head KNOWS I can't be with my ex, I shouldn't be, there is no future there...but my heart is hung up and won't let it all go. I feel like I can't "heal" this damage...this isn't about me, I know I didn't do anything wrong, I know what I have to offer, I know many girls in my life have seen it and wanted it...but I can't find a girl that I want to give it all to...she was it, she was the only one I've ever felt "that" for. And I gave it all to her, for her to just throw it away, to devalue it, to not care about anyone but herself...and I somehow still "care" about what happened?

Time heals all? How much time does this take? I've been through some tough breakups before but not like this...nothing ever like this. I just want to be done with these heart wrenching feelings, just let all of this go and be "good" again...this just isn't healthy...plain and simple.

How do you all learn to just let it go and not look back, not "feel" back? I wish I could, I honestly do, and it's a cross between baffling and embarassing to still feel this way so far out of a relationship.

[Hth]

Are you sure that all the faults belong to her? Why did you break up? How long were you guys being together?

Well it seems unusual that you still feel this way after 2 years, except you were together for 4-5 years, and it could be that you feel lonely without being able to find the right girl... yet :-)

[carl1222]

I won't tell you what to do / what not to do ... just do / don't do them! 2 years is a lot of time to be stuck, but not really that unusual when the relationship was very important and long-term. I went through it once, and read somewhere that 30 months is about average. Turned out to be true for me.

The good thing though is that when it finally does fade for you (whenever that happens), it will fade quickly.

[xmoe1990x]

man im seriously in the same boat....

[dem862]

Girls get over a breakup by getting another guy. Usually there are many just waiting to pick up what another guy has dropped. She doesn't have to do much. She just lets one pick her. This doesn't work for guys. Guys have to work though the emotions. It can take time. Guys need to pursue a girl to value her. To do this, a guy has to really feel confident and good about himself. It is hard to do this with a broken heart. Girls can sense it and they avoid the guy like the plague. They don't want another girl's cast-off. They want to steal a happy, popular guy from another girl. So the guy ends up getting attention from broken women, or women he feels are below his level. The only solution I have found is to stop looking for a while. You have to take back your heart before you can give it to someone else. Examine the flaws of your ex and your relationship. Write them down and ponder them every day, until you realize she wasn't that great to begin with. You aren't seeing things clearly right now. You need to get yourself back to reality, instead of a wallowing in self-pity. Good luck to you.

[bcgirl]

you are "stuck" because you are in this "i'm feeling sorry for myself" kinda attitude. What you need to do is do things to make YOURSELF feel happy. Just because you haven't met a girl better than your ex doesn't mean that you need to be still "in love" with her. Do things for you. And that doesn't mean going to the club every night and hoping that tonight is your lucky night and your princess will come along. This means going to the gym, taking up a hobby that you've always wanted to do, go traveling if theres a place you've always wanted to go to, try something out of your comfort zone. Do something that doesn't involve the opposite sex. Desperation will never ever get you that princess you've been dreaming of. Gain confidence and love for yourself first and appreciation for life....then the good things will fall into place.