The problem of confidence...

[Love'sReject]

Is it really rational to have confidence when one knows one is ugly or below average looking?

Case in point: Overhearing many talk about how said person is ugly, not receiving messages to calculated messages that shouldn't have really resulted in failure, and the worst part of all, tangential feedback when directly asking others about one's looks.

The way I see it, if someone avoids or goes off into a tandem when asked about one's looks or uses some cliche like "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" or some crap, then it is a sign of certain ugliness.


So is the key to overcoming this physical handicap the confidence the sort of which can give the other gender the illusion that the person is attractive and desirable?

[bcgirl]

well beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are some actors that i totally have a crush on, not because I initially found them attractive, but how they portray themselves. I just watched some of Al pacino's movies like "The Godfather", "Serpico", "Dog Day Afternoon" and DAMN i have a crush on him. It's not because he is some Brad Pitt stud....but it's because his character is so captivating to me. He's like 80 years old now and I still think he is hot.

[Love'sReject]

Haha, those movies were so awesome..

[Love'sReject]

So obviously what I could take from Pacino is charisma, basically? Although I've had what I felt like was charisma and it didn't yield results, and attractiveness is always a quality everybody thinks is important, whether or not they'll admit it.

I heard eating celery does something to make one appear more attractive, gives off some kind of chemical.

[Bigboy77]

yo dude, guess what?
looks arent as important for women. they are attracted to different things then us. You could be the most heinious mamoth of a creature from return of the jedi and still find a decent girl.

[MaidenMinx]

Hmmmm interesting theory on the celery.

Unless you have some blatant, obvious, birth defect personality can go far to make a not so attractive person extremely desirable.
Especially, if you can make people laugh!

[bulrush]

I think looks initially attract women, but personality keeps them around. Confidence is important because, without confidence, you have trouble knowing what you want and what's best for you, and without knowing that, can create problems.

And I prefer confident, even assertive women. Confident women know what they want, tend to play a lot less games, and they want a mate that is compatible with themselves, which is the same thing I want.

[THX]

Yes looks matter a lot. With men and women. Guys are lucky in that bad aesthetics aren't necessarily a deal breaker. Girls let you do extra credit by factoring in positive/negative character traits.

I have difficulty accepting my appearance as well. What I decided to do was to put up a PR campaign for myself. I bought new cloths. I threw out any cloths that made me look dumpy. I hit the gym almost every day. I bought a teeth whitening kit. I researched and bought self tanner. I trimmed ear and nose hair. I had my eyebrows threaded and kept my good hygiene on the ,"must do' list. The idea is when I looked in the mirror I saw the best possible version of myself. I took myself from a F to a C-.

I've found that there is a huge difference between, "I don't look good so I give up on myself."/VS./" I don't look good, but I have done all that I can do to improve the situation." The latter gives you more confidence.

Now I believe your question was, "Can you feel confident about your appearance when you believe (with references)you are in fact ugly?" Confidence and lack there of is not an all or nothing proposition. There is a continuum. This means you can become less or more confident.