Rape

[cheeze_guy]

I really need to get this off my chest…
My girlfriend of 4 months has told me the most horrifying thing that happened to her. I know it was incredibly difficult for her to really tell me (and she told me everything) so much so that after she told me I could see she was already feeling better just getting it off her chest and hearing me say it was not her fault and just supporting her the best I could. Damn I love this girl!
So my problem is she told me the guys name… it was a friend of one of her ex’s. Because she felt ashamed and sad she never told anyone except for her therapist and she even said her therapist didn’t hear it like I did so no one did anything. My girlfriend gone through a hard time with drugs and has been totally sober since we started dating and is doing better everyday.
I guess what I am trying to ask is I feel like I need to go and kill this guy. He has no idea who I am and I wonder if he feels if he did anything wrong or maybe worse he is still doing it… Every ounce of my body wants to cut this guys head off and mount it on his front door.
I do not know exactly where he lives but I have friends of friends who know who this guy is and could find out everything I want to know easily. I don’t really want to be a murderer but I don’t think I can live happily knowing that this guy hurt my girlfriend so bad and nothing happened to him. BAH I AM SO FRUSTRATED but thank you for listening ladies and just remember that if this has ever happened to you that you know it’s not your fault and you are not weak!
Thanks

[cheeze_guy]

I guess I am asking what would you do if you were me or have you ever been in this situation and what do you think helped you the most?

[vashti]

I don't know the details, but if she hasn't filed charges (or at least a complaint), you should encourage her to. Even if no formal charges can be made, they will at least have some record of his behavior in case a future victim has him charged.

I can tell you what she DOESN'T need, which is to feel guilty for telling you when you end up in jail for assault, so behave yourself.

[HeartIsAching]

I don't know the details, but if she hasn't filed charges (or at least a complaint), you should encourage her to. Even if no formal charges can be made, they will at least have some record of his behavior in case a future victim has him charged.

I can tell you what she DOESN'T need, which is to feel guilty for telling you when you end up in jail for assault, so behave yourself.

This is excellent advice. Spot on.

[bulrush]

Don't end up in jail for assault. Don't give in to your emotions. Think this through. This guy is not worth the dog poo on your shoe. Just leave the issue alone, and support the girl as best you can. Tell her it's not her fault, be a shoulder to cry on, encourage her, tell her how beautiful she is.

[LdFilip]

all of them are right...for now,do your best for her.Make her so happy,that that thing wont even cross her mind...and you can think about revenge when you will have nothing to lose...cos love,is the highest price. (and one more thing...just killing that guy is too merciful)

[cheeze_guy]

Yeah I have been thinking a lot and even though it bugs the shit out of me my girl is getting over it so I need to also and i need to be calm and be there for her. Thanks for listening I feel like talking about this with my friends has been really hard

[bcgirl]

i know your first instinct is to want to kill this guy.....but this isn't about you. It's about her. She confided in you a big secret and she trusts you. You want her to be able to tell you more secrets in the future and open up to you. By you wanting to go out and find and hurt this guy.... she probably won't feel good about that.

[powercatlogo]

I agree with the others here, killing him won't solve anything. The best thing you can do is support her and be there for her.

[Aeradalia]

I'd recommend supporting her as she finds her way back to emotional/mental stability. Later on, she may wish to press charges against the man (hopefully before the statute of limitations comes into effect). It is understandable that you want to protect her, and you can, by helping her come to terms with what has happened to her - by being someone she can rely on (in a healthy context). Ultimately, it'll be up to her if she wants this man to be punished, and she'll need to be a lot stronger when/if she decides to do that.

Anger/aggression is the last thing she needs - especially when sensing it from someone close to her. She is way too fragile for that right now.

[steviej]

Remember there are two sides to this story, many years ago i dated a girl who would make up stuff like this, her life was drama. Just keep an objective mind.

[Incognito]

I totally understand how you feel, having been in a similar situation. Your main problem is that you aren't a criminal, and therefore don't think like one. If you hadn't posted anything online about your newfound knowledge or spoke to anyone else about it you very well could have "gotten away with murder". That is if you also had the sense to wait a while before going through with it so that even your gf wouldn't suspect anything.

Anyway, you clearly don't have criminal foresight, so don't go down that route. As everyone else said be there for her and help her heal.

[bcgirl]

Remember there are two sides to this story, many years ago i dated a girl who would make up stuff like this, her life was drama. Just keep an objective mind.

it is true, there are two sides to every story. There is another poster on this forum who just stated that his ex gf is accusing him of rape. It's hard to know what really happened unless we have the facts. For all i know, your gf may have engaged in sex....then the guy never called her or wanted to be her boyfriend, so she cried "rape".

[tehwarlock]

Find him
Piss on his shoes
???
Profit!

[madotnw_nihs]

One of my ex's told me she was raped. She told me while I was driving my car, and needless to say I almost wanted to crash and just die. It was more painful than a break-up and eventually I got through it. Look and behold, I found out later she lied. It was either to see how I would react or some other reason. I am not saying she is lying, but try to find out the truth. If she did get raped, just support her and don't go killing anybody even if that is how you feel.