Girlfriend talks to another guy alot.. what to do?

[jimbobob]

Recently (couple months), I noticed my girlfriend has been talking to another guy alot, texting. They're in each other's classes too (we're 21). I also noticed that as a result she's texted me alot less. She is in contact with him more than me. I told her what I noticed and she said she didn't realize she was making me feel neglected. She says he's just a friend and is still really into me (we've been dating for almost a year).

I don't know what to do. She says she will talk to me more often. I know at this rate, I will lose her to this guy. Honestly, I want to tell her to talk to him less but I don't want to be controlling and have her end up hating me.

[bcgirl]

sounds to me like she is falling for this guy......

[searock]

Does she hang out with this guy a lot even out of school? Have you met this guy and seen the way your gf and him behave when they're together? Surely you can pick up signs of physical attraction if you do. She may be having an emotional affair with him.

[smackie9]

She is having an emotional affair with him, hence the lack of attention to you. When that happens, that means she has already left the relationship. Sorry but it's over.

[Wakeup]

^^^ Not necessarily:

I don't know what to do. She says she will talk to me more often. I know at this rate, I will lose her to this guy. Honestly, I want to tell her to talk to him less but I don't want to be controlling and have her end up hating me.

So, whats the alternative? You don't tell her that you think the amount of time she gives this guy is a relationship boundary cross and disrespectful to your/hers relationship, she emotionally falls for this guy and leaves you anyway!

Never be afraid to tell someone what is bothering you because if you don't, what you fear the most will likely take place anyway. If they won't consider your concerns then YOU should consider that a red flag. The longer they bond without knowing that they are crossing a very fundamental relationship boundary, the worse it could end up for you, get it "could" so speak your mind but don't do it in a threatening way but rather a matter of fact, this is how I actually feel about your new "friendship" and the amount of attention you're giving this guy, way.

[malteser]

I can understand you not wanting to be controlling but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect her to spend less time texting this guy and more time texting/talking to you. You're her bf, not him, and after nearly a year together she should be understanding of your feelings. 'she says she will talk to me more often' kinda set alarm bells ringing for me. You shouldn't have to raise this issue for her to then decide she will start talking to you more, she should want to talk to you, not have to be reminded not to neglect her bf of nearly a year. You need to tell her that you trust her completely and have no problem with her being friends with this guy, but that she is taking it too far by texting him so often and that you would like her to spend less time talking to him. That is not an unreasonable request.

[jimbobob]

they don't see each other outside of class (everyday mind you), except for 1 time. i haven't met the guy or seen how they are together so i wouldn't know about that. okay.. you guys are right. i gotta put my foot down and if she falls out because of that, then it was inevitable anyways. thanks

[Mathias]

they don't see each other outside of class (everyday mind you), except for 1 time. i haven't met the guy or seen how they are together so i wouldn't know about that. okay.. you guys are right. i gotta put my foot down and if she falls out because of that, then it was inevitable anyways. thanks

Agreed.

It's nice to see a guy who's conscious about being controlling and unselfish, yet understands when it's time to step up.

Either way, you're ahead of 90% of guys out there. You're going to be fine.

[jimbobob]

so i did it, i told her the amount of attention she was giving this guy was crossing a boundary for me and would like her to spend less time talking with him and more with me. she said she understands and agreed. looks like now all i can do is wait and see

[smackie9]

Ya it might force her hide it.