Why don't guys initiate contact first?

[parkbom]

I like this guy, but I don't know if he does. He doesn't initiate contact first. I read several other forums that guys don't want to feel clingy/desperate, but I don't want to feel that way either. I met him about 3 months ago and we became good friends since I knew some of his hs friends. We usually chill at the bar/clubs with other friends. People have told me he likes me and others have said he just a friend. When I don't text him for days he suddenly starts saying random things. I know he has work likke 10-12+ and can't use phone, but when I am online and he is free, he still doesn't contact me. he is free because sometimes he tells me he is bored. Maybe he not into texting/iming, but when I text him he talks lots and we flirt and make fun of each other. My friend told me if a guy does that it means they're not interested in you, but he was like that when I first met him and I did not like him then and he still doesn't initiate contact unless I do.

He asked me to hang out with his hs friends that I know too like bar/movies. It kinda felt all weird for us when our friends called us out just cuz i bought him his tix. (I had to use the fandango tix before it expire). Had a personal one-on-one conversation. Asked me if I would date a younger guy (he's 1 years younger than me). I asked him what kind of girl he likes and he told me. The wife type, cute/sexy/beautiful/good girl type. I am cute and I am a good girl. He said he likes girl's who wear glasses and I wear them and he wants to see them, yet he makes no initiation for contact?

Btw. his ex broke up with him about 2-3 years ago and they been going out since high school for 5 years. he said she got bored of the relationship and he somewhat did too. I saw a picture on facebook and they met each other along with some friends yesterday. I don't think they usually meet because he said she finally came in the photo.

Btw I don't want to say I like him at this moment to scare him away... I want to play it safe.

[bulrush]

Guys start contact 90% of the time, based on my experience. Why don't you ask him out? Take a risk. Nothing risked, nothing gained. As a guy I've taken more risks asking out girls, and it works out 80% of the time. Those are darn good odds, because dating is much harder for a guy. They get lots of rejections, they have to pay for dates all the time, and it's hard to find a good match.

If you ask him out, and he gets scared away (maybe he's afraid of emotions), then doesn't that mean he's not ready for that emotional connection you are looking for?

If a girl doesn't want to be emotionally close to me, then she is not right for me. So we part ways so we both can find a better match. Makes sense, right?

[sadie_genie]

Whenever a guy does that it means he doesn't like you but he won't turn down a girl because he wouldn't mind getting laid. Remember, a guy need to prove he is worthy before you fall for him.

[smackie9]

It's not fear of looking too clingy or desperate....it's fear of rejection! Guys, not all, but say for the average guy, asking a girl out, especially one there really like can be terrifying (maybe not that extreme but you get what I mean). There are soooooo many guys that start threads on here like "Does she like me?" or "How do I go about getting this girl's attention" "what's the best way to ask a girl out" "How do I start a conversation with this girl I like" I can go on and on.

Guys need what they call a "green light". You can do this by flirting with him, do a little more touching, an inviting smile, etc....they need clues to whether they have a chance or not. So try that and see where it goes. From the sounds of it he is interested but he too is being cautious. Maybe you need to let your guard down a bit and give it a try....you can't get what you want out of life if you don't take risks. Best of luck.

[parkbom]

hey smackie well I did say "You owe me dinner j/k" as a joke and he said when and I told him, but he was busy last week, and he said he will let me know. Few days ago he asked me so you got school MW and work S/SU? Sometimes he works long hours Last time he said he owe me a date cuz something came up when we made plans and we went to dinner. yes I think he does sound cautious. But why can't he just initiate contact as a friend even when I first met him.

Now I am afraid to ask him to go on a date and I am being the one who is cautious of my actions and rejections...

[smackie9]

Your conversations are too casual....owing dinner is what a friend would say, not a potential BF/GF. You don't have to be in his face about going out on a date. You want a guy's attention you need to be flirty and makes hints about how you like him. You got to step it up a notch......sex it up.

[parkbom]

i was just kidding... Anyways he said he owe me a date once but that was like a month after i met him and we were just friends. i am trying to step it up, n initiating conversations with him. But I don't want to be the only one initiating conversations with him. I;m not going to text him for a few days... i;m tired of this...

[HDBadger]

I have asked out every single woman I've met in my life who I have been interested in, barring her being married or something.

A lot of women don't like to hear this, because they have trouble dealing with the fact that they are undesirable to some/many people, but if a guy truly likes you, HE WILL ASK YOU OUT.

Period. End of. Are there some extraordinarily shy guys out there? Yes, but even my introvert friends ask out women who really excite them.

If a guy isn't acting, he's probably not particularly interested in what you have to offer.

[Boisdevie]

Guys mostly ask girls out because some deluded women think it's the guys' job to do so. Has anyone heard of sexual equality? - You sisters either believe in all the way or not at all. And BTW I'm a feminist.

[Mathias]

I have asked out every single woman I've met in my life who I have been interested in, barring her being married or something.

A lot of women don't like to hear this, because they have trouble dealing with the fact that they are undesirable to some/many people, but if a guy truly likes you, HE WILL ASK YOU OUT.

Period. End of. Are there some extraordinarily shy guys out there? Yes, but even my introvert friends ask out women who really excite them.

If a guy isn't acting, he's probably not particularly interested in what you have to offer.

Just because you're a certain way doesn't mean you can extrapolate that to all men. Sorry, bro.

[HDBadger]

I didn't extrapolate anything, bro. I stated a fact. You did the extrapolating.

My point stands: If a guy really likes a girl, 99 times out of 100, he will ask her out. If you want to argue with this, go ahead. You'll be wrong.

[smackie9]

There's a lot of reasons why guys don't ask a girl out. When I worked at a night club some of the guys thought I looked "too expensive" to date, that I only dated guys with money, drove an expensive car and were steroid muscular. This really disappointed me because I was not even anywhere near like that kind of girl.

When I went to my 20 years school reunion, 3 guys came up to me and admitted they had crushes on me but were too insecure to ask me out.

There are guys who have posted on here that are madly in love but think they are not good enough so they are too afraid of rejection.

This guy in question has his reasons why he is hesitant. We will never find out unless she just asks him.

[smackie9]

Guys mostly ask girls out because some deluded women think it's the guys' job to do so. Has anyone heard of sexual equality? - You sisters either believe in all the way or not at all. And BTW I'm a feminist.

Do you even know what a feminist is? It has nothing to do with a woman opening a door for a guy.

[surfhb]

Guys mostly ask girls out because some deluded women think it's the guys' job to do so. Has anyone heard of sexual equality? - You sisters either believe in all the way or not at all. And BTW I'm a feminist.

The feminist movement of the 60s is a myth. Not only are women not equal to men (there's plenty of data to prove this) but women dont want to be equal to men. Its the mans job to initiate contact and elevate his intentions.....giving the women a choice. Yeah....thats been developed over millions of years of human evolution and hasnt been thrown out by a social movement 50 years ago.

The feminist movement, and the suffrage movement in general, was about equal respect, not the roles each sex has in relationships and courtship.

BTW....this sucks I know, but its always will be a Mans world. Women will never be paid for equal work, for example. Again, this isnt right, but it will never happen.

[smackie9]

Feminism has nothing to do with dating practices. It focus is political rights for women, like the right to vote and to protest, equal pay, equal job and educational opportunities, to protect women from sexual harassment, domestic violence, etc.