Am I being unreasonable?

[maria90]

Three weeks ago I discovered I was pregnant, which was a complete shock to me as it was not planned and I thought me and my boyfriend had been careful. I told him about it and he too was very shocked and said we needed to act fact to 'sort it out'. I knew then that he didn't want me to keep the baby, but I had mixed feeling over this. We didn't discuss it in person, as it was over the christmas/new year period, so we weren't together.

I booked another appointment to see my gp and said I was unsure about my options/what to do. She made arrangements for me to have a scan and said I'd receive counselling at the clinic. This was all a huge blur to me and my boyfriend was saying things like 'don't worry, it will all be over and done with soon'. I didn't feel like I really had his support and I felt so alone in this situation. He was nice to me, just didn't want to talk about it. I went for my scan and discovered I was actually 15 weeks pregnant, when I only thought I'd be 5-8, as I'd missed just one period. At this initial consultation at the clinic, I wasn't really offered any counselling as my GP had said and they didn't seem very nice or sympathetic about my situation, just that I was stupid idiot for getting myself into this mess kind of thing. I didn't feel I was able to discuss my options with them, so I said I wanted a termination and signed the paperwork. I was booked in for the next week.

When I got home I felt so emotional. I told my boyfriend that I didn't know what to do and maybe an abortion wasn't the right thing. He then text me saying horrible things, that he couldn't have a child because it would ruin HIS life, HE wouldn't be able to see his friends and HE wouldn't be able to save up money if he had a baby to support. I ignored him for the next day and he kept texting these kind of things then one saying that he'd give me money to support it, but didn't want anything to do with it. I continued to ignore him, because he was really getting to me and I was in a complete state. The next day he was apologising asking to see me and make it up to me. I went to see him and he was so lovely, saying all the right things, he loved me blah, blah, blah. The I told him my feelings, that I wasn't sure what to do for the best and I'd feel so guilty about having an abortion and had no one to talk to about my feelings. I had no one to turn to. He said having a baby would ruin our lives that he wanted to do so much more with me and have a life together and promised we would go on holiday. he said that he'd be here for me no matter what, whenever I needed him he'd support me and help me through it. he'd do anything for me, anything to make me happy and look after me. He would help me get over this, we would do it together. I knew I'd feel guilty, but i thought that with his support i'd be able to move on and forget about this.

The day of the abortion came and I went on my own as he was working. I was so terrified and I still didn't know if it was the right thing to do. I'd become attached to the baby, but I kept thinking my boyfriend would be here for me, he would make everything okay and he'd be here whenever and do whatever it takes t make me happy. I had it done and I felt terrible after. This was on Wednesday 25th jan. I went home after and went to bed. I text him and asked if I could see him this weekend. He took ages to reply, he said he had made plans for this weekend but would see me the next... in 11 days. I was really upset and crying all night because I didn't expect him to make plans on his only days off work, just after his girlfriend had had an abortion and felt like complete shit.

I didn't text him and he didnt me. Last night he messaged me asking me why I wasn't speaking to him, I told him my feelings about it and he said he was really sorry but he was going out for a meal on saturday night with his family. I guess that was fair, but thought he could see me on fri or sun night, but he said he didn't want to see me for just one night. This confused me. I just ignored him, then later on when I was on facebook, it come up on the news feed that he had recently arranged a big night out on saturday night. he'd replied to some girls status saying about him 'deffo being there ' which made me feel terrible. So now he'd lied to me about the plans he'd made.. he was seeing his friends to go out drinking and having a good time while his girlfriend lays in bed all weekend and next week suffering and alone. I reacted to this maybe saying some stupid things, but I think I had a point- he lied to me!! It seems like he's not bothered about me now, that now i've had the abortion he's stopped being supportive and caring and just wants to go out and have fun and doesn't matter about what I'm going through. I said all this to him and he text me this morning saying he's offered to see me next weekend, so how's that not enough? and that he thinks it's best if me and him are just friends now.

Sorry this is long, do you think i'm being unreasonable... is it ok for him to make plans when he knew i needed him and told him that I did? Why is he being like this? and now he's saying he wants to be 'just friends'? Sorry if I seem stupid, I'm just very alone with no support and I thought he'd be here for me. What else can I say to him to make him realise?

He's 22 and I'm 24 by the way.

[Boisdevie]

He is quite clearly an arsehole.
You both quite clearly need to learn a bit about contraception.
You have learned a big lesson.

[Wakeup]

Well, I'm sorry that all this has happened and your feeling so depressed. If that clinic you went to offers counceling for depression after the fact I'd take them up on it. If it doesn't then at least see your framily Physician to get a referal for the support that you need right now. They'll also councel you on proper birth control methods because obviously what you were doing didn't work for you.

For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing considering your circumstances. I don't believe that the world needs another single mother raising a baby who's shiftless little boy of a father wants nothing to do with.

He's a child, my dear and I know you can't see it right now but you're far better off without him then you ever would be with him. He makes me wanna puke actually and It would be a good thing if you could get to that stage about him as well. Once you're over him and the disappointment of him not being who you thought he was, you'll have nothing to keep him mired in your life ~ thats a good thing believe it or not.

Where's your parents at a time like this? You could certainly use some loving support along with that clinical suppport I hope you look into and take part in.

[sadie_genie]

Welcome to reality. People are like this. He isn't married to you nor is he in love with you. You two are just dating and from his perspective, he has just dodged a bullet. In the future, protect yourself when it comes to your body and your emotions. But now I can tell you are hurting so get emotional support from friends, family, counsellor from clinics/school. Stay strong.

[Mathias]

Welcome to reality. People are like this. He isn't married to you nor is he in love with you. You two are just dating and from his perspective, he has just dodged a bullet. In the future, protect yourself when it comes to your body and your emotions. But now I can tell you are hurting so get emotional support from friends, family, counsellor from clinics/school. Stay strong.

Whoa. Back up the truck a little.

This guy is probably feeling like he dodged a bullet. This guy is running.

Putting it in her mind (even implying) that nearly everyone is like this is just wrong. The goal is to find someone who's not like that. Let's not discourage her long-term.

[sadie_genie]

Better to be safe than sorry. The goal is NOT to find someone who is not like that because you never know. Someone can act really sweet when everything is going well and then when hard times hit, they bounce. She should protect her heart and body rather than rely on someone who will do for her.

[asdfg789]

He isn't married to you nor is he in love with you. You two are just dating

^ you now know this for a fact. Make sure you take extra precautions in future until you find THE ONE who is ready to have a kid with you.
His reaction is frankly, not totally unexpected.

[HDBadger]

Agree with most of what was said above. Are his actions pretty deplorable? Yes. But he's not married to you, nor does he owe you anything.

Also, it takes two to tango. Frankly, I don't believe in "accidents" when it comes to pregnancy. I believe in irresponsibility, which is obviously what happened here.

Life has consequences.

[oldskool83]

your bfs a dick, you dont need to bring unwated kids into the world. take care of yourself, dump him and get an abortion. ill get flamed for this but if its not planed you really have no idea what your info....go ask all the single moms with kids who cant even get a b/f.

time to hit the reset button and peace this tool of a BF.

[IndiReloaded]

For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing considering your circumstances. I don't believe that the world needs another single mother raising a baby who's shiftless little boy of a father wants nothing to do with.

I agree. You made a hard decision with a longterm view in mind. Welcome to adulthood, sweet. We have enough 'quantity' of life, what we need is more quality. Your ex is still a child, like Wakeup says. This experience has caused you to outgrow him. Don't beat yourself up for the past, just take your lessons and learn from them. That's all anyone can do.

Good luck.

[bcgirl]

well thank goodness you never actually went ahead and had the baby. Although your boyfriend may have said some really aweful stuff about not wanting the baby and not being ready for the baby....i think he actually did the right thing because you could have almost been stupid enough to have a baby with a baby!! I think your personality is more of a clingy personality....you expect your boyfriend to be by your side, to tell you what you want to hear like...."aww lets keep the baby and we'll make great, wonderful parents, and i'll work two jobs while you stay at home and we'll be eh okay!".....REALITY CHeCK!! Your bubble is burst, this ain't like a hollywood movie. So good thing you went ahead with the abortion because i think deep down you know that your boyfriend is not going to be a good dad and be there for you entirely....sorry no hollywood happy ending for you. As for your boyfriend going out with his friends partying at age 22.....well c'mon, what 22 doesn't want to go out and have fun on a friday night and party. I'd think something was wrong if a 22 yr old wants to stay at home and take care of babies. Him not being there for you after an abortion just solidifies the fact that he was sooo not ready to be a proper dad if he can't understand the importance of being there by his gf's side the day after an abortion.....you see where his priorities lie....like every other young 22 year old.....partying, girls, booze and music.

[thundersw]

Most have been said about your boyfriend, he's an ass!
Just try to get over it, you did the right thing for you and your future life, you're young and still in time to find someone else worthy.
If that's photo is really you then you're very pretty and will have no trouble finding another partner.
Best of luck.

[Red Apollo]

I'm not going to give you some lecture on responsibility, these situations usually teach a strong enough lesson by themselves without salt being rubbed in the wounds.

He wanted you to get the abortion, and you got it. I'm going to guess as far as it is concerned he has washed his hands of it all, and wants nothing to do with it now. He wanted to have fun, get drunk, hang out with his friends, get laid, etc. The pregnancy scare endangered that. Now the scare is over, so its business as usual. He just wants to be "friends" now because he doesn't want to have to deal with the aftermath/risk it happening again. It shows you how much he actually cares, and who he really is; just some jackass. You can do better.

[bcgirl]

I know we are all bashing the boyfriend for being an ass.....but, lets be realistic here. If we were all parents, would we want our 22 year old, unmarried son having a baby because his girlfriend wanted to go ahead and have a baby and not have an abortion?? What would you want your 22 year old son to do?? Step up to the plate and be a good and caring boyfriend no matter what? OR.... try to fight the abortion thing and think logically about it knowing that he ain't ready to be a father at 22 yr old and we aren't ready to be grandparents?
We all have to remember that it takes 2 to tango into having a baby....BUT.....it's not entirely 50/50. The woman knows her own body much more than any 22 year old boy. Honestly boyz...have you ever heard....."oh it's okay, i can't get pregnant at this time".....guys are driven to be horny toads. If a girl says "it's okay to not use a rubber", guys most likely will fall for it because they are thinking with their dicks and not their heads. And then bam...what do you know....pregnant! Yes, the guy should have forced his girlfriend to put on the rubber when she was lying spread eagle naked on the bed....DAMN!

[smackie9]

Like I tell every guy out there....never ever trust a girl/women about birth control. You take charge and be in control....wrap it up, but make sure you use your own condom....it takes nothing for a girl to poke a hole in every condom in the box.