She's seeing someone else...ALREADY!

[jardel86]

Where do I begin...

I was with my girl for about 9 months and things were great and not so great at the same time. We had amazing chemistry (in and out of bed), our conversations were deep and meaningful, we cared deeply for one another and above all had a blast everytime we were together without fail. On the down side, she is a single mother of 2, with quite a bit of emotional baggage. Our real problems started when I accidently read a text on her phone from some random guy who had asked her out. Her response was not direct, indicating she enjoyed the attention, but nevertheless rebuffed his advances. A few weeks later, she willingly showed me a message from her ex boyfriend (not husband) asking for a late night encounter - bearing in mind she was head over heels in love with him. The fact that she showed me this text was a good sign because it meant she did not care for him anymore, but I couldnt help but feel uneasy that so many guys were in contact with her. I let those two incidents pass and continued to invest in our relationship. Fast forward a few weeks and I find out she had been texting her ex quite regularly which in turn helped build mistrust. We began to fight more regularly, demanding she respects our relationship and cut contact with the inappropriate ex who only had one thing in mind. Although she was very understanding and agreed it was inappropriate, the contact never seemed to stop. At that point, we decided to call it quits because the fights had taken their toll, only for us to get back together a week later because we both decided we really loved each other and wanted to give it another try.

The second attempt was great, I had (almost) let go of the trust issues and began to adopt a more laid back, whatever will be will be approach. We spent alot of time together, maybe a little too much but none of us complained because we had a great time. But at the back of my mind, something entirely different had always been bothering me...in all our 9 months together, I had been out with her friends no more than 2 times. On the other hand, I would regularly make the effort to take her out with my friends every other weekend. The boiling point came 3 weeks ago when she invited me out to her best friends birthday dinner only to take it back on the day saying "we see each other so much, Id rather go out just with my friends" my natural reaction was an angry one as I had been waiting for her to finally make the effory only to take it back and crush my dignity in the process. We argued albeit politely until she said I cant do this anymore, its too much drama..My response was well, you invite drama by doing things like that! so right then and there we ended it..I tried reasoning with her for a good 2 weeks, trying to keep my self-respect in the process. A week after we broke up, I found out she had been seeing someone else and now he goes to her house every other night..effectively replacing me..my guess is that she either: 1- Jumped at the chance to end it with us to be with him. or 2 - She is using him to rebound. Either way, ill never forgive her because of the way it ended. She pinned it all on me for being so sensitive when in truth her actions were way more pathetic..

I still somehow love this girl, but know its in my best interests to move on..her lack of guilt or effort in this whole break up has made me realise she isnt worth any of mine in return..

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

[Saya]

She probably end the relationship with you to be with that guy or, she hates being single so she end up being with him.
My ex is like that... he honestly HATE being single so much that he would ask out anyone to be in a relationship (Not for rebound)

[smackie9]

Just goes to show you when there is that kind of behavior going on, get out, and don't bother to try and fix it.

[Miss_winter]

In my opinion, if she really loves you, she would try to make up things with you first before jumping into any relationship. Unless, she doesn't feel anything towards you anymore. Sorry..

[VincenzoG91]

She sounds insecure but not ready to settle down. She seems to require a lot of attention from multiple guys. Forget her and look for somebody who is ready for a real relationship.

[smackie9]

Some people just want to date and look at relationships as temporary. You took this relationship more seriously than she did. You just weren't on the same page, no matter how good the sex was.

[jardel86]

Thanks for the responses guys!

*update*..she found out that I came to know of her new guy and sort of freaked out..we texted each other and I was being very cool about it..told her theres nothing left for us to fight over and we should both move on. She panicked saying she still loves and cares about me very much and just needs space to figure things out for herself. I told her Ill give her space but with no guarantees..whatever happens happens but i will not wait around for her..

[oldskool83]

She got stupid, needed attention, cell phones are the worst thing in a relationship i think. more so she must of kept responding to the ex and i agree she started the drama. its to th epoint once you break up you might as well get a new number so you dont invite drama.

she could ot say leave me alone but she didnt. you need sum1 who wants only to talk with you, not 2-3 other guys while she has her cake and eats it too.

[VincenzoG91]

She needs space?

She needs space in her bed for other guys.

[smackie9]

She needs space?

She needs space in her bed for other guys.

[jardel86]

She claimed she needed space to clear her head from all the shit thats happened betwee us, but I dont buy it. If she actually loved me as she claims then theres nothing stopping her from working things out. Its very clear that she needs space to test the waters with this guy while keeping me on standby. Im no ones standby nor will i ever be. With that in mind, I slept with another girl yesterday..and word somehow got to her (possibly through a friend of a friend) and now she's pinned everything on me and says i ****ed things up forever. I reminded her that things have been ****ed up way before i did that and that her talking to her ex, getting close to her new guy while keeping me hanging was just as bad. she kept claiming all she wanted was space to get her around a few things..but seriously guys, we all know thats bull! If a girl wants to be with someone she wouldnt pull of this whole space shit. We should have met up and talked things through but she never thought it was a good idea. Ive given up and am moving on..

[smackie9]

Good! and you should. There have been so many that come on this site just clinging onto the hope someday they would be together again with their ex, even tho the writing is on the wall.

You are right you shouldn't be someone's stand by....she is just trying to manipulate you....you are better off.

[sssspanos]

After all you are already with the new girl ;-) Why talking about the old one?