Am I the exception or the rule?

[ssh]

We've all read the books and seen the movies "He's just not that into you" and similar, so you should know what I mean when I ask "am I the exception or the rule".

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months. We met one year ago at the student bar, as we study at the same university. I immediately found him attractive, added him on facebook and would occasionally start chatting with him. But we weren't really friends, our relationship was pretty shallow. He never showed any signs of interest what so ever in me.

So last summer I was moving to the other side of the country, and I thought, what the heck, I'll try and pick him up for a night of fun before I go. So I texted him and asked basically "Wanna f***?".

He said yes, I went over, we had sex. I texted him afterwards asking if he wanted to "do a re-match" some day, and he said yes. Two days later we hooked up again, I texted him. Two days after that, he texted me and wanted to hook up but I had my period and said that I couldn't have sex, but if he wanted to arm wrestle instead, we could do that (as a joke, I expected that we would just meet up another day). However, he asked me to come over anyways, which I did. We snuggled a little bit, but he didn't try anything.


A couple of weeks passed, we met every other day, not always for sex. At one point we talked about relationships in general, and I found out that he wasn't much of a long distance-guy. I was disappointed as I had started to like him over these past weeks. So came the last week before I moved and, well, he asked if I wanted to be in a relationship with him even after I've moved. I said yes of course, and here we are.

After a while I moved back so now we live near each other again. Sometimes I have doubts about our relationship, and feel like I am the one putting most effort into it and therefore being more in love with him than he is in me. I don't feel I recieve as much as I give.

Returning to my starting question, I've heard tons and tons about how women should never pick up men and doing so won't result in a lasting relationship, in being the rule and not the exception. If guys don't get to chase, it's not worth keeping. So after reading this wall of text, what do YOU guys think? Am I the exception or the rule?

[kinks]

from watching the film you should have got the message there's no exception or rule.... There aren't any rules, life just happens as it does. You just with the flow, whatever feels good. You aren't either. I don't get this culture of people having to label EVERYTHING.

[Boisdevie]

Rule number 1. There are no rules.
Rule number 2. Read rule number 1.

[Wakeup]

Returning to my starting question, I've heard tons and tons about how women should never pick up men and doing so won't result in a lasting relationship, in being the rule and not the exception. If guys don't get to chase, it's not worth keeping. So after reading this wall of text, what do YOU guys think? Am I the exception or the rule?

You've been going out 7 months and half of that time was in a long distance situation. Come back later and tell us how it's going and wel'll be able to give a more acurate picture of what you have with this guy. Have you even established if you're exclusive with one another? You say you put in more work than he does.. You always have so why would he expect anything different?

Check back in, let us know. In the meantime, enjoy what you have (if what you have is good for you) and don't worry about the rest.

[quote]

from watching the film you should have got the message there's no exception or rule.... There aren't any rules, life just happens as it does. You just with the flow, whatever feels good. You aren't either. I don't get this culture of people having to label EVERYTHING.

I'm not sure if you and Op are talking about the same film???? Perhaps there were no rules but there certainly were guidlines.

[dem862]

Yeah, no rule. As time goes by, what you have should be more important than how you met.

[smackie9]

If you feel this relationship has always been one sided why are you telling us about it? You should be telling him. Wakeup is right.....you need to establish "what this is" before you continue blindly, investing more of yourself into this only to find out you are FWB all this time.

[oneandonly]

I have to say it was refreshing for me to read the way you approached the guy! How direct are you? lol

In general, right or wrong, I feel that relationships where men pursue women in the first place, not the other way round are stronger and last longer. For this reason alone, I don't chase a man. In this day and age, it seem to be a very old way of thinking and there must be surely some exception. But looking at all relationships of my friends and family, this is certainly the case.

If you feel that you are always the one who puts so much effort into it, then you are most probably right and need to decide if this is how you want it to be in the long haul.

[ssh]

We've been a couple for 7 months, and we only spent one month apart. He was the one who initiated us being in a relationship, despite the distance, and he was the one who said I love you first. I've almost broken up with him a couple of times because of uncertainty from my side, which hurt him alot. He said that I was the only one whom he had ever loved like this and that he could never see himself breaking up with me.

The last couple of days I've tried being a bit aloof, and not contacting him too much. In return, he started contacting me instead, so its like we have the same "amount" of contact now, but he's initiating more. This state of mind that I've put myself in is working wonders actually, and I am not as worried about our relationship as I was just a couple of days ago.

I've actually talked to him about how I sometimes feel like I'm "too much", but he persists on that I'm not, and that he's just not used to being in a relationship and more used to being alone. This happened a couple of months ago and I've noticed that he wants to see me more frequently nowadays.

Anyways, I've started thinking that, this relationship can really go either way, and before it goes bad I don't have any reason to worry, but just enjoy it for what it is right now as you suggested!

[ssh]

Also, maybe I should've mentioned that the first time we met, at the student bar, we met because he knew the guy I was hooking up with that night... They studied together abroad for half a year. So he assumed I was in some kind of relationship with that guy.

How this could've affected his behaviour towards me, I don't know and I don't know if it even did.

[oldskool83]

your not happy. so why not press the reset button and do not go around hooking up 1st then change it to somthing meaning full...kapish

[Jambona]

People say if a man truly loved you he'd do X,Y and Z.

Think how stupid the average person is. Why would you ever take the communal advice of the frothing idiot masses?

Everyone is different. Everyone expresses love differently. Everyone has a different capacity for emotion. Human beings are like ships in the night. They're all on their own respective journeys. Sometimes paths intersect. Sometimes they share the same course. Despite this, each ship is its own entity, with its own crew, its own rules, its own mico-culture.

YOU determine if your man loves you or not. Don't be influenced by opinions expressed in a movie or the cliched sayings of the masses. Maybe he does love you but he has difficulty expressing it. Maybe not.

Whether it's true love or not, you need to decide if you're satisfied with what you're getting out of this relationship. If you're not satisfied you need to decide if you want to try to talk to him and work things out or if it's time to steer your ship onto a new course.

[smackie9]

Wow the advice given is nothing of what you are criticizing about. You got so f ucking nerve to come on here and call everyone the "frothing idiot masses", when you are on here doing the same thing. If this person wants to seek out advice that is their business whether to accept it or not.....not yours to s hit on.

You are a raving twit because no one on here ever told her to question this persons love for her, but only to give suggestions what action to take in oder to make the relationship better for her. And from what I have read so far she is in no way offened by the info she is recieving.....yes let her decide what she will do and she did.....and things seem to be getting on track. I don't see any damaged caused by the "frothing idiot masses"....I guess the world in now a safer place.

[Bonfire]

So I texted him and asked basically "Wanna f***?".

This is what I call a direct approach. You are definitely the exception.

[oneandonly]

This is what I call a direct approach. You are definitely the exception.

I thought so too but there seem to be lots of girls like her these days. Kudos to them!

[Jambona]

@smackie

I actually was not necessarily criticizing the advice given here. In fact, I didn't bother to read it. Do you consider yourself average? If yes, you are an idiot and your advice is worth nothing. If no, we'll see.

My point was for the OP not to let movies and the general consensus of idiots beyond the scope of this forum influence her, but rather to determine for herself if the relationship is working.