How do I choose between two guys I've been dating but not exclusive with?

[detroitrockcity]

I have been seeing this guy for a few weeks (one or two dates a week for about four weeks). He's funny, smart, talented, and a giant goofball. I always have fun with him and he's a real giver in the bedroom (though I always reciprocate much to his appreciation). He's not very touchy feely in public, which I'm kind of a fan of like hand holding and arms around each other, but when we're at home he's a bit more like that. We have great conversations and it seems we are both enjoying getting to know each other and learning new things.

There was a brief period where it seemed like he wasn't that into me and I thought he had lost interest (I'm kind of an insecure person when it comes to dating and try not to get ahead of myself to no avail). During this period I was asked out by guy number 2. We've been friends for quite a number of months and it's obvious we've always had a connection. He's sweet, cheesy, goofy, adventurous, and loves to go out and have fun. We went out on a date and had an amazing time just sitting, eating, and getting to know each other. He talks to me every day, unlike guy number 1, and is a bit better about the slight PDA.

So I've been kind of juggling these two guys (neither are exclusive with me or have even come close to having that conversation) and I know at some point I may have to come to the decision of which guy I want to be with. I'm overwhelmed with having to think about it because I want to make sure I don't make a mistake. Something may happen where I don't even have to decide but I'm kind of preparing myself to have to just in case.

My question is: how do I even go about making a decision like this? Both guys bring different things to the table and I'm always happy when I'm with or talking to either of them. Should I get the ball rolling with asking guy number 1 who I've seen longer where he sees us going? I've only been out with guy number 2 once but definitely am looking forward to spending more time with him.

Any advice will be much appreciated. I know I can't keep dating both of them so I'm gonna have to choose.

[oneandonly]

Both guys are still pretty new. I'd keep on dating with them and see how it naturally develops. I wouldn't be able to sleep with both men at the same time though.

[dem862]

This sounds like a horse race, with guy #1 in the lead, but guy #2 closing in. Why can't you keep dating both of them? That seems like the obvious thing to do for now.

[Incognito]

If you've been seeing guy number one for such a long time why aren't you two exclusive? That right there should be a red flag that he isn't good relationship material and is just riding the wave of good times and good sex. Have you two ever talked specifically about seeing other people? If not what you are doing may be interpreted as cheating if he finds out.

You also don't seem overly concerned with solidifying either relationship, even saying that "you may not have to decide". That should be a red flag for any good man with good intentions to stay away from you. Unless I'm missing something and you'd like to clarify?

[oneandonly]

But but her dating with guy 1 is only for a month! That's a bit too soon to know, I think, unless they specifically talked about it, which appeared to be not the case.

[Incognito]

Yeah, I somehow missed the four week part. She said they were going out for a long time, so I figured longer. The rest I stand by though. She specifically said that she might not have to choose leading me to believe that if she can she will carry on two relationships if she can (and I use the term 'relationship' losely in this case).

Anyway, @ the OP: Just choose whomever fits you best. If guy number two seems to do everything that guy one does, but also is fine with PDAs, then go with him. Nothing is a sure bet though. You win some and you lose some until you find that special someone. Don't be afraid of losing a few, its part of the road to finding "the one" (just for clarification, I don't like that term because of its inference to predestination, but I couldn't think of anything more fitting right now).

[HDBadger]

As to which guy you like more, that's up to you. I'm not going to try to help you there. Use your judgment.

As for the situation, I'm not a big fan of it. I think you're being shady, and I think both guys would see it that way if they knew about the other one. Yes, dating is a good thing if you're just going out and meeting a few different guys for drinks or whatever. But you're beyond that. No, you're not in a serious relationship with either one of these guys, but don't kid yourself, there *is* a relationship. And it kind of sounds like you're trying to develop two of them while not really making a decision.

Make a decision. Like, now. I foresee drama/hurt feelings in your future if you don't pick one of these dudes.

Also, hooking up with two guys at once (I'm assuming that's what you're doing) is disingenuous. Would you like the guy you're having a great time with on a date to go home and screw some other chick? Of course not.

[Mathias]

As to which guy you like more, that's up to you. I'm not going to try to help you there. Use your judgment.

As for the situation, I'm not a big fan of it. I think you're being shady, and I think both guys would see it that way if they knew about the other one. Yes, dating is a good thing if you're just going out and meeting a few different guys for drinks or whatever. But you're beyond that. No, you're not in a serious relationship with either one of these guys, but don't kid yourself, there *is* a relationship. And it kind of sounds like you're trying to develop two of them while not really making a decision.

Make a decision. Like, now. I foresee drama/hurt feelings in your future if you don't pick one of these dudes.

Also, hooking up with two guys at once (I'm assuming that's what you're doing) is disingenuous. Would you like the guy you're having a great time with on a date to go home and screw some other chick? Of course not.

It seems like you have some issues with how dating works, given your past posts. You might want to stay away from offering advice until you figure those out.

Your moral code obviously precludes you from dating multiple people without a commitment. That's perfectly fine. That's obviously not hers, and she's not being misleading or hurtful to either guy. They're NOT in a relationship, and for the guy to assume there's a relationship is his own fault. That hasn't been discussed, so it doesn't exist.

[bulrush]

Many people date multiple people, and are open about it. You just have to tell them "I'm also seeing another person" but you don't have to give any other details. As long as the guys know you are not exclusive, I'm fine with that.

As far as choosing one, it's too soon to choose one. Dating 1 month is not enough time to really get to know them. One way you know someone is how they react to bad times, not good times. "The measure of a person is how s/he approaches adversity."