Met a girl. Things were going great. Then all of the sudden... nervous and weird!

[pisces7378]

So, I met this girl. She and I hit it off immediately. We are both really funny, and irreverent. It was freaky how we just meshed right from the start. The only thing that was slightly off, was how we met. We met through one of these dating websites. I posted my profile when I moved to this new town. That whole experience was so dumb and weird, that I just gave up on it pretty quick. I was meeting people left and right, so I just forgot about it. But of course, I'd still get the occasional email about how, "this person would be perfect for me" etc etc... and this one girl caught my attention, so there we have it.

We graduated from Gchat, to texts, to the phone... and eventually decided to meet. Now, she expressed dozens of times how weird this was for her, and how she never has done the internet thing. At first, when I told her that I'd like to meet her, she was freaked out, and wanted no part. But then she calmed down after a few days, and then SHE was pushing hard to have us meet. So... we met at a bar. Our first meeting was cool. She was SOO nervous for the first 30 minutes, but eventually calmed down, and we ended up chatting until the bars closed. We made out, and she ended up falling asleep on my couch all curled up next to me. She left my place at 3:00 am (no sex or anything). She seemed relaxed. It was great.

So... we made a date to see each other. This time we agreed to meet at a restaurant. When I picked her up, she was nervous again. She wouldn't look directly at me. She'd kinda talk in circles. The restaurant made it worse. We were the only two people in a section of the restaurant. The seating was weird. She was so nervous, I never could find my groove in the conversation. But the car ride home was better, so she did invited me up after dinner. She just seemed to get more and more nervous, and then eventually she said, "I am so tired, and I think I'm kinda drunk." So, I excused myself and left. She said, "I know that I am nervous and weird. It's sooo not you. I am just awkward. I'm sorry."

The next day she Gchated with me at work again, and she just let it all fly that she is too nervous around me, and that she is super awkward, and that every boyfriend she's ever had was someone she was friends with first. And she wanted to just hang out with me as friends, and see where it goes... and that she just can't go on dates like that, because it's just too much pressure, blah blah blah... I told her that it's fine. It's no big deal. Not to worry. I told her that if I am stressing her out then we can just forget the whole thing. But I did tell her that I like her, and that I really look forward to talking to her everyday. I also told her that I thought we'd had a very nice time, and that I definitely do not think of her as just a friend, so if she's looking to just become couch buddies who hi-five, and I can't hug her or touch her, then all of that would probably just not work for me. So, I'm not sure how we left it, but it all just feels really really lame and disappointing.

Now, I've had a lot of relationships in the past, and when they go bad, I have learned to not try to control it, and to just let go when it's over... and to not over-think or try to repair everything, because it just makes things worse. But this one does feel like I could do something to calm this girl down. She's a PhD student in Neuroscience who works 12 hours a day in a lab with nothing but a couple of dorky guys and cages filled with mice. She's become socially awkward. And I've made such a habit of just walking away in situations like this, because I figure that it's never worth the hassle, and anything I do will just make matters worse. But I'm kinda tired of that. I want to DO something this time. I'm not in love with this girl by any means, but I do think that we got along way too well for me to just shrug and ditch-out just because she is a cute lab dork who is getting in her own way completely.

So... like I said, I've made such a habit out of just moving on in situations like this, I'm not very good at the "well, what now" part of this. I don't want to make things even weirder by putting tons of pressure on her. I don't know if I should just pretend that "the date from awkward hell" just never happened, and go back to Gchatting with her, and texting, and just let things slowly relax and try to rebuild. Or if I should do something more active, like invite her out with friends, so some of my female friends can get ahold of her and they can girl it up like at a bar room trivia or some social function like that. But that might be a MEGA disaster. If I go with the chat and text method, should I wait for her to make contact, or go ahead and just literally pick up with her as if nothing had happened, and send her the same cute random text here and there? For some reason this girl is on my mind, and it's bothering me. If it doesn't work out, it really won't be a big deal. But I do like her, and I'd like to not just shrug and walk away.

Any awkward ladies out there got some advice?

[pisces25]

Well, she told you how she feels, you told her how you see it, I think for now it's just best to leave it at that. She wants to do the friend thing, so let her initiate it all. Could be her way of saying she isn't interested. The only way you'll know is if she is true to her word. As in, friends want to see each other, spend time together etc. And coz that was her decision, let her run with it. Don't chase. It seems desperate.

[smackie9]

How much time do you want to spend on this? 3 months? 6 months? That's probably how long it's going to take before you will be on a real date with her again and I feel I'm underestimating on the timeline here.....this could take even longer. I truly think this isn't your cup of tea my friend. If you are finding it so easy to make friends in this new town, your chances probably will be better meeting someone through them.

[bulrush]

She told you she's just a nervous person in general, and she dates only people who she was friends with first. This is to help her overcome her anxiety. Some people are just anxious people. You did nothing wrong. Nervous people tend to be very conservative too, so she was probably overwhelmed with making out with you on the first date. She probably felt very guilty about it.

[angelsnairwaves]

sounds like she is an awkward gal. and it sounds like she likes you too which makes it even more awkward for her. it sounds like she has a lot going for her and could be a winner. i wouldnt give up. just take off the pressure- completely. it might be too soon for her to meet your friends. that might only make her more nervous. just focus on being just friends with her and taking things really slow. hang out as just friends. do whatever you can to make things more comfortable for her. ask her what her favorite places are or what her favorite things to do are. go to those places and do those things. i would just expect her to be really shy and awkward for a while and just be very patient and understanding. reassure her that its totally understandable for her and you want to her to feel completely comfortable and zero pressure.