Marrying a slightly older woman: will she age too fast?

[canadian1983]

Hi everyone,

I am stuck in a difficult situation. I have been dating a girl 18months my senior for 2 years now. She's an amazing person and I trust her more than I trust myself. I love her very much and the thought of creating a family with her brings a smile to my face. I am currently 28 and she's 30.

Despite the numerous positive features of our relationship, I am having a hard time getting over the age difference. I don't find anything inherently wrong with marrying someone 18 months my senior, but I worry about the consequences it may have in the long term. You see, I was raised by parents who strongly believe that a husband should be at least 5 years older than his wife. My parents claim that women mature and age faster, and while a man looks 'distinguished' in lets say his 50's, a woman just looks plain 'old'.

So here I am worrying that my girlfriend will soon lose her looks while I am just entering my prime. Btw, my gf is a healthy beautiful woman but she does certainly look 30. I worry that in no time she'll be 40 and I'll lose my sexual desires for her due to her ageing.

I've become somewhat obsessive about this issue and it occupies my mind day and night. I keep reading online articles that describe women as being outside their prime after their late twenties and stories about how it's all downhill after 30. I am very frightened by the ageing female body and this has prevented me from committing to a girl i truly love.

Now you might say that "if you truly loved her, you wouldn't think this way!". I strongly disagree with this notion. I believe that sex and physical attraction are some of the most important pillars of a relationship. While I might love my gf in a million ways, a lack of sexual attraction down the road could spell disaster for our relationship.

I am a professional with a good salary. I am fit and above-average looking. I definitely have tons and tons of options out there, esp. given that educated intellectual girls interested in marriage outnumber their male counterparts (at least this is what I have observed. I know so many good girls who can't find a decent guy.) Having said that, I think my gf is an amazing partner and a rare find for my needs in life.

So it comes down to this: do i marry this girl and risk her ageing faster than me OR do i move on and find someone much younger who would look youthful for possibly an extra decade.

Any ideas, thoughts, opinions?

[Boisdevie]

Stop being so bloody stupid. At your age 2 years is bugger all difference. When I was 23 I met my OH who was 5 years older. We are no longer together but it WAS NOT because of the age difference.
My GF is 7 years younger than me. Should she be worried?

[HeartIsAching]

Two years is an age difference? Piffle.

[smackie9]

Wow..... you are a clueless twit. I agree, she would be better off without you.

[vashti]

You clearly don't live in Los Angeles. Lots of the women here look fantastic at 40, and routinely get hit on by males in the 20s. Anyway, I agree with the others - 18 months is nothing. Your parents are silly. Are you sure they aren't just using this so-called age difference as an excuse for something more substantial?

The thing you didn't factor into your worries about your possible diminishing interest in sex is that YES. It WILL happen to you, whether you marry her or not. Ever heard of andropause? I think SHE should be worried about you not being able to keep up with HER at 40, because women are like teenage boys at that age, and your sexual abilities will be on the decline, regardless of how good you think you look.

[smackie9]

Who's to say that by age 30 your hairline won't start to recede, or go a little thin on top.....aging is inevitable. It's better to have an older women because women generally live longer anyways. But hey less than two years apart, you are worrying for nothing. As for your parents, they are either nut jobs or they are just making up excuses for you to not marry her.

[dem862]

If you read much on here, you will see how difficult it is to find someone compatible. Here you have found someone and you are worried about a small age difference. I think your priorities are way off. You should spend more time in today than years down the road. Half of all marriages end in divorce. Probably in a good portion of those that last, there is little or no sex. Also a large portion of men develop erectile dysfunction in their 40's. Maybe you are just getting tired of her and are looking for an excuse to get out, and blame it on her age. Not all men belong in committed relationships. You need to do some soul searching about this.

[searock]

2 years isn't "age difference" unless one of you is 13 or something. If you are seriously concerned about something as absurd as this, then I'm afraid your relationship has got bigger problems.

[IndiReloaded]

I call troll.

[angelsnairwaves]

sex and physical appearance are important but to believe that they are some of the MOST important pillars in a relationship is the wrong way of thinking. you need to get your priorities straight. maybe you shouldn't ask her to marry you. sounds like you are not ready for commitment if that is what you are worried about. maybe you have your looks going for you but so what? sounds like you're shallow. if you love her then you will find her attractive. if she is a good person with attractive qualities, then you will find her attractive. if she is healthy and takes care of herself, then she will age well unless she has shit genetics. two years is nothing. being shallow doesnt make one attractive. sounds like you should be more worried about your priorities than about her looks. i can't help but feel sorry for this chick.