Breaking the cycle?

[zertaag]

My girlfriend and I have been together for roughly a year now. After that whole "honey moon" stage which lasted about 3-4 months, I started noticing some behavior that bothered me, such as her inconsiderateness, poor hygiene, and just generally "pushy" personality. I bit my tongue for awhile because I truly cared for her and didn't want to hurt her feelings. Well, one day I literally just exploded. I told her EXACTLY what I thought of her and that her behavior seemed a bit abnormal (I have seriously never known anyone to act in such extreme ways before..). After this we smoothed things over and she said she'd try to work on things. I didn't want to change her, I just wanted her to act more like an adult (we're both recent college graduates and are just getting settled into our careers). She's made improvements, but to this day we still bicker and fight. My friends don't like her, and I'm starting to hate her personality more and more.

The thing is, I love her, and I keep hoping that some day I will be better and I wont be so seriously vexed by her behavior. I know that I should accept her for who she is, and I really do love and care for her, but I just can't help it- she pushes my buttons! The point of this post is that I know it's time to stop hoping for something that is never going to happen and just end things with her- I am just having second thoughts, here's why:

I still feel like I can change, I can accept who she is and move past being annoyed.

Is that immature of me? Should I just accept the fact that our personalities are completely clashing and move on? Most importantly, is it even possible to NOT be annoyed by someone's actions?


Just as a tiny bit of background info- no, I do not have a history of being this way with my girlfriends. My behavior is new to me, which is why I am here.
Also, I have lost the desire to be intimate with her. I know that might be TMI, but I thought it might be relevant.

[HeartIsAching]

Not necessarily immature, no... but it may be unrealistic. Whether you wanted to or not, you were (are) trying to change her to suit yourself, which is wrong. If you can't live with it, you should move on.

In the meantime, try some [URL="http://www.humanpotentialcenter.org/Articles/IStatements.html"]I Statements[/URL].

[IndiReloaded]

Sounds like your personalities simply don't fit. Its not a matter of one style being wrong/better than another. How you argue is an indicator of your compatibility. Forget exactly how the pairings work (you can google it), but its basically like this:

2 x fiery tempers = good
2 x quiet/calm = good
1 fiery + 1 calm = higher divorce rate

[smackie9]

You don't want to compromise who you are and what you expect out of a relationship. Lift that veil you call love and re access this relationship. You need someone that "fits" into every part of your life. Your friends are a part of your life, and if you don't end this relationship you will lose your friends. They see things that you don't, and you need to listen to their objectiveness. I agree with your friends, and it looks like everyone who posted on here are on the same page here. Stop beating this dead horse....it needs to end.

Don't worry about her. She needs this in order to learn some very valuable lessons on how she needs to improve on herself.

[dem862]

This isn't going to work. Change is hard work. It is easier to find someone else.

[smackie9]

This isn't going to work. Change is hard work. It is easier to find someone else.

I wish more people who start threads on here would figure it out and do this.

[zertaag]

Thank you all for your thoughts.

I wish more people who start threads on here would figure it out and do this.

I appreciated your first post but could do without the harsh criticism. There is a difference between being brutally honest and just trying to hurt people's feelings. Love and all those silly chemicals associated with the feeling make us do crazy things. Love has made me hope that things will get better. I'm silly and needed a kick in the butt- THAT is why we are here.

[smackie9]

Harsh criticism? I was generalizing and not directed at you. The comment was between me and dem862.

[zertaag]

Call it what you will, it was perceived as a way to criticize the users of this site. Just saying, it was how I saw it and I certainly didn't come here to feel bad about asking for advice. I did really appreciate what you had to say in your early post though. Not attempting to throw stones, just being honest with ya.

[HeartIsAching]

It was obvious from the post that it was meant generally.

[smackie9]

It's a public forum.....you are not always going to like what you read. You are damn lucky BoredGeorge didn't post on here.