Is this a pressing lack of social life or .. ?

[a19drift]

Basically, my boyfriend and I get along great about 88% of the time, which is fantastic in my eyes. I don't mind that we have our moments, it keeps me on my toes; I enjoy some of our less turbulent arguments, and I've developed a bit of a thicker skin in the last year.

Since taking a step back and looking at myself, because while I can agree that no woman (or man) deserves some of the sh*t he's pulled with me, it was my choice to sit back and take it, to stick it out. I'm extremely glad I did, but I realize that the trek to this point in our relationship could have been a lot more like a walk in the park and less like free climbing a mountain or something, had I been a little less, "OMG, WTF, WHOA!" all the time.

Previously, I used to take everything as an offense. He's a bit crass sometimes, which makes me laugh now that I don't think he's saying things to merely watch hurt flash on my face or put me in place. Now, while it's not always easy, it's becoming more like second nature to me NOT assume that everything he says has to do with me, every bad mood is not my fault, and I cannot even begin to save the world for him, I can only make it better. Go Team Drift!

I don't go out a lot with friends -- I would, but school and work are huge for me this term, and I'm just exhausted. I manage a couple nights a month with the girls, and I do go to my hometown to visit my family at least once a month. I don't feel like I'm not getting out enough, or like I'm lacking. That's probably because I have a boat-load of friends that I work with 5 days a week, and my job is chill enough to CHILL. Spare time AT home for me is spent with my face in the books, taking more than a 4 minute shower, cooking, cleaning, etc.

My boyfriend is 6 years older than I am, he has children (on the weekends), a full-time job, as well as a full-time school load. He's awfully busy. His spare time...well I can't really find much of it, but it's there, otherwise I'd be a sexually frustrated chick who eats dinner alone every night.

What I'd like to figure out is WHY every time he does find time to go socialize with friends, his mood takes a really weird turn.

Here's my scenario:
Yesterday: We woke up, showered and dressed, went to the gun show! It was fun, we saw a couple of his friends that we'd gone there to hook up with in the first place. Lunch followed by a trip to one of his other friends' place to pick up a gun and some other stuff, then home.
He had already mentioned that he wanted to go back to gun show with a different friend that afternoon, so he had just a few minutes before he wanted to leave again, no big deal, I have a ton of homework this weekend.
All was well, until he got home a few hours later...he was just really standoffish, I felt like he was a little mad or something, but he said he wasn't.
Then he decided to cancel the plans that we had for the night to go back with that same friend and play poker, we decided to see a movie and such today instead.

I just can't figure out why it seems like every time he goes someplace with friends or makes plans with friends, he's happy and pissed at the same time. It doesn't make any sense to me. I count on him saying that something is wrong when it is because that's how he usually is, so I don't think I've done anything to make him angry, and I never said he couldn't or asked him not to have time with his friends. I'm not jealous or acting like it -- so I just don't get it, lol.

[dem862]

He sounds moody. Some men don't have a very large repertoire of emotions. They are either content or angry. He could learn to get in touch with his moods and communicate them a little better. It sounds like you don't understand what he is feeling sometimes. It also sounds like you might be suffering a little, or doing too much of the compromising in your relationship. It is hard to gauge how much of this is going on from your post, but if you feel like you are walking on eggshells with him sometimes, you might have some co-dependency issues. This could be adding to the general unease.

[pisces25]

Basically, my boyfriend and I get along great about 88% of the time, which is fantastic in my eyes. I don't mind that we have our moments, it keeps me on my toes; I enjoy some of our less turbulent arguments, and I've developed a bit of a thicker skin in the last year.

Since taking a step back and looking at myself, because while I can agree that no woman (or man) deserves some of the sh*t he's pulled with me, it was my choice to sit back and take it, to stick it out. I'm extremely glad I did, but I realize that the trek to this point in our relationship could have been a lot more like a walk in the park and less like free climbing a mountain or something, had I been a little less, "OMG, WTF, WHOA!" all the time.

Previously, I used to take everything as an offense. He's a bit crass sometimes, which makes me laugh now that I don't think he's saying things to merely watch hurt flash on my face or put me in place. Now, while it's not always easy, it's becoming more like second nature to me NOT assume that everything he says has to do with me, every bad mood is not my fault, and I cannot even begin to save the world for him, I can only make it better. Go Team Drift!

Really sounds like you are trying to convince yourself his behaviour is acceptable. And it sounds like you blame yourself for a lot of what has happened. Be really careful of this. I know you haven't shared details but something doesn't seem right. Careful he is not emotionally abusing you.

[smackie9]

It's the same old same old AGAIN. We all told you before this relationship will never be the way you want it to be. You are too insecure and clingy, and he walks all over you and you let him. Sad sad sack.