Girlfriend cheated

[jrharvey]

Its been a long time since I posted on here so go easy on me haha. Well me and my girlfriend have been dating for 14 months and living together for about 4 months. Before we were officially dating we were long distance for about 6 months and although I normally would never do long distance I just felt really great about her and wanted to see where things went. Eventually she moved here and things have been great so far. Its honestly been spooky good until now. She has always been the one to push it to the next step, I always let things ride at their own pace. I knew this way she wouldn't feel like she was rushing anything. Anyways, to the point. She has a drinking problem and I cannot say I'm perfect and I know I have flaws too but I think hers is worse. On the other hand we both love drinking and if it wasn't for that we would have never gotten where we are today but that's another story. She has done stupid things and so have I but this is a new level. She went back home to visit friends, got too drunk and apparently shared a room with her ex. She claims she didn't remember but swears they only made out, no sex. Her friends on the other hand say they had sex. I found out because she told me. I honestly would have never known if it wasn't for that unless for some reason i decided to snoop one day which I don't do anyways. My first thoughts and reactions were calm and I knew that this was it. As much as I was in love with her I just could not be with her knowing this. However, she hysterically started crying and begging for forgiveness. She claims she will do anything if I will just stay with her including never drinking again and no longer talking to this ex. She claims there were no feelings for him at all however I don't really see how that is possible. I certainly would not cheat unless i had a damn good reason or really liked the other person. Honestly I would have NEVER cheated on anyone really, I just hate those type of people. Its been about 24 hours since I found out and she is constantly crying and begging for me to please give her another chance. I don't know what to do. Part of me feels bad but part of me knows that tears can sometimes be an evil tactic. Its so hard to take emotions out of this equation. Even if I could forgive her I'm not sure if I will be able to look at her the same way. Is a drunk kiss really that bad? I'm still not sure if there was more to it. To make matters worse she told me to look in her dresser for this little red notebook. Inside was a log she made of every day we were together and what she loved about me that day. It was heartbreaking to read. I had no idea she was making this the whole time and it was very difficult to read under the circumstances. I do love her with all my heart and would do anything for her but should I just move on and forget about her or try to make things work?

[pisces25]

I did many stupid things coz of alcohol and nearly ruined a relationship. My BF gave me a second chance and I never got drunk again. If you love her, give her a second chance on the condition she will stop drinking and just go from there. If she can not hold that deal then perhaps you can then evaluate whether you should be with her or not. Otentimes someone drinking a lot is masking some underlying problem, for me it was low self-esteem and general insecurity. Perhaps getting to the root of why she is drinking so much will help your situation also.

[oneandonly]

Nobody can tell you what to do. Some people can forget and forgive. Some people like me can't. I have a very low tolerance level for people who cannot control themselves.

[jrharvey]

Pisces, that was a very good response. It makes me feel a lot better. I guess I live by the rule, once a cheater always a cheater but who knows. Maybe people really can change. I cant believe Im even considering forgiving, jeez. This is all so crazy.

[pisces25]

To me, the meaning of love IS forgiveness. But, oneandonly is right, we are all different. Whatever you decide will set you on the path you are meant to be on.