Opinions on sex buddies...

[sunflower77]

Over the past month or so I've been seeing this guy, well seeing isn't really the word, we met in a night club and have had sex a couple of times since then. The issue isn't that he isn't asking me out on a date, it is more like the way in which he is acting which is confusing me. On one hand, he doesn't really text first, but once I do, he is keen to get together and always says how amazing I am and so forth once we do get together. On the other hand, the other night he started talking about how all women want the same thing and how he is quite certain that after we've had sex surely I would want him to stay rather than leave right away etc. Since I didn't really expect anything from him I said that he doesn't know me and that he doesn't know what I want and that he can leave whenever he wants. He stayed for a few hours after we had been intimate but when he was about to leave he stressed on it several times, then went to the door, came back to kiss me, then once again said 'well I am going now ' and once again stopped at the door almost as if he wanted me to ask him to stay or something, I didn't.
I find all that really confusing, surely if he wanted something more he would ask me out? He would text first and his messages would be slightly more personal? So what was all that about? In the beginning he did share with me that he broke up with someone a few months ago and that things are still a little fragile so I assumed sex is all he was after?
I haven't had much casual sex, as I have mostly been in relationships, so what is everyone's opinion on sex buddies, and do any of you have experiences and advice you'd like to share?

[intrigue]

Sounds like he wants more but is scared of rejection. For me sex buddies isn't an issue but you have to be clear with each other from the start that it's just sex.

[smackie9]

Communication! We can only guess hun, but if you want a definite answer you have to actually discuss it with him...why are you waiting around for him to ask you out? There is nothing wrong with you asking him out on a date.

[Wakeup]

The issue isn't that he isn't asking me out on a date, it is more like the way in which he is acting which is confusing me. On one hand, he doesn't really text first, but once I do, he is keen to get together and always says how amazing I am and so forth once we do get together.

He has set it up so that it is your choice to do what you're doing. You can't blame him for using you if you are the one that is asking for it. It's how players work.

On the other hand, the other night he started talking about how all women want the same thing and how he is quite certain that after we've had sex surely I would want him to stay rather than leave right away etc. Since I didn't really expect anything from him I said that he doesn't know me and that he doesn't know what I want and that he can leave whenever he wants. He stayed for a few hours after we had been intimate but when he was about to leave he stressed on it several times, then went to the door, came back to kiss me, then once again said 'well I am going now ' and once again stopped at the door almost as if he wanted me to ask him to stay or something, I didn't.

What a great way to get you wondering. Trust me, if he really wanted to stay, then he would make it so. He wants you to do the asking so it's your idea, not his.

I find all that really confusing, surely if he wanted something more he would ask me out?

That is surely so. And, you know it so I wonder why you are confused. This is what it is, afterall.

He would text first and his messages would be slightly more personal? So what was all that about?

Uhmm.. he is just keeping you interested in him. Surely, as you say; if he wanted more, he'd ask you out.

In the beginning he did share with me that he broke up with someone a few months ago and that things are still a little fragile so I assumed sex is all he was after?

By his actions, I would say that you're correct.

I haven't had much casual sex, as I have mostly been in relationships, so what is everyone's opinion on sex buddies, and do any of you have experiences and advice you'd like to share?

I think they always end up like your sex buddy relationship, with confusion and doubt and some angst and not much more in between bouts of coitus.

Smackie's right. If you want more ask him to define things for you. You can then decide if you are on the same page and if you're not, if you can adjust without compromising your own emotional health.

[pisces25]

He just wants to feel like you want him. Probably has a gigantic ego and can't understand why you are not begging him to stay or chasing him (if that is what girls have done in the past with him). Good on you I reckon.

[bulrush]

Maybe he really is attracted to you for more than sex and he wants it to be more of a dating thing. Now that you two have spent some time together, it's possible he is developing feelings for you.

[Mathias]

He has set it up so that it is your choice to do what you're doing. You can't blame him for using you if you are the one that is asking for it. It's how players work.

If it's her choice, how in the world is he using her?

[Wakeup]

I didn't say he was using her. I was inferring that she can never blame him for using her if she is volunteering for the job. Too, too many "girls" get this victim mentality when they think that thier veejay will garner them an actual relationship and when it doesn't they cry "used."

As far as I'm concerned she's getting the same thing out of this as he is... If of course she too is getting an orgasm, so unless he's lied to her about anything, or he's forced her in someway then she is not being "used" in the least.

My bad if I wasn't clear on that.

[sunflower77]

I didn't say he was using her. I was inferring that she can never blame him for using her if she is volunteering for the job. Too, too many "girls" get this victim mentality when they think that thier veejay will garner them an actual relationship and when it doesn't they cry "used."

As far as I'm concerned she's getting the same thing out of this as he is... If of course she too is getting an orgasm, so unless he's lied to her about anything, or he's forced her in someway then she is not being "used" in the least.

My bad if I wasn't clear on that.

Thank you all for your opinions on the matter. Don't worry Wakeup I am not blaming him for anything, I was just a bit confused as to where we stand. I think the only way to find out is to actually ask him, I would just like to know what to expect from this 'relationship' so that I can avoid anyone's feelings getting hurt . So, I will ask him to dinner or drinks or something and we will see how it goes I guess

[Wakeup]

Thank you all for your opinions on the matter. Don't worry Wakeup I am not blaming him for anything, I was just a bit confused as to where we stand. I think the only way to find out is to actually ask him, I would just like to know what to expect from this 'relationship' so that I can avoid anyone's feelings getting hurt . So, I will ask him to dinner or drinks or something and we will see how it goes I guess

You seem to have the mature attitude about the dynamic. Let us know what he has to say, I'd be interested in seeing if he thinks he was giving you mixed signals, if he actually wants more or he just doesn't know at this point.

For that matter ~ What do you actually want?

[Memeandc]

Lol, Its kinda obvious he wants somthing more but doesn't know if you feel the same. This is quite an easy fix if you want a relationship, just be honest with him.

"I like you, and you like me. If you want somthing more, then just ask me c:"

Good luck,

[Wakeup]

Lol, Its kinda obvious he wants somthing more but doesn't know if you feel the same. This is quite an easy fix if you want a relationship, just be honest with him.

"I like you, and you like me. If you want somthing more, then just ask me c:"

Good luck,

It's not "obvious" at all. If it was, this thread wouldn't exist.

[smackie9]

It depends on the individual....some people are better at reading body language, etc than others.

[IndiReloaded]

If it's her choice, how in the world is he using her?

Not using, but possibly trying to manipulate her. The best way for her to deal with this, other than just dropping him, is to tell him outright she wants a relationship, not a booty call thing.

Sunflower - you need to know what you want. Then ask for it. You need to not be afraid he will run. If he does, you haven't lost anything worth fussing about.

[sunflower77]

I sent him a message asking him if he wants to go get a drink tomorrow...that was about 6 hours ago and he still hasn't replied. That's exactly what I find really confusing about him, I am sure he will reply tomorrow or something, which is just so weird, I mean when it comes to text messages you would expect him to reply in a few hours the most not days later...Oh well...