Opinions on sex buddies...

[smackie9]

Well possibly he has a GF.......

[carl1222]

Not using, but possibly trying to manipulate her. The best way for her to deal with this, other than just dropping him, is to tell him outright she wants a relationship, not a booty call thing.

Sunflower - you need to know what you want. Then ask for it. You need to not be afraid he will run. If he does, you haven't lost anything worth fussing about.

Yes, Indi - but Sunflower hasn't really said she is unhappy with the "booty call" relationship, just that she wants to know where this is going so nobody gets hurt or disappointed.

Sunflower - he doesn't seem to fit the mold of a player. He sounds like a rebounder who is insecure about jumping in with both feet. Have the conversation about expectations and the mixed signals. It's the only way you will both know if you are on the same page.

[miffy]

Yep, agree with carl1222 here, sounds alot like a rebounder. If he were a "player" and used to casual sex relations, he wouldn't be giving you these mixed signals and seem slightly insecure. I think he might be unsure how he feels about this kind of connection you two have. It does sound like he's interested in more, but clearly scared of rejection and he probably got the impression from you that you do not wish any deeper intimacy at all, so he's very unsure of how to act around you. He's probably the type to fall for someone quickly, and maybe already has. But again, as others have said, no telling if that's true unless you talk about it with him.

[Wakeup]

If he were a "player" and used to casual sex relations, he wouldn't be giving you these mixed signals

I totally disagree with that. Keep them confused and wanting more is what it's all about. As for the rest of... It remains to be seen. After she has her conversation with him, (hopefully he'll be honest) we'll know the score for sure without all our surmising that's we've been doing.


[quote]

I sent him a message asking him if he wants to go get a drink tomorrow...that was about 6 hours ago and he still hasn't replied. That's exactly what I find really confusing about him, I am sure he will reply tomorrow or something, which is just so weird, I mean when it comes to text messages you would expect him to reply in a few hours the most not days later...Oh well...

Personally, I tend to think that if he was so keen he certainly wouldn't wait days to respond to her text messages and or invitations. Doing that indicates to me that she's an option and certainly not a priority.

[sunflower77]

I think Wakeup was right. I texted him yesterday and since it is already today later afternoon and I have not received a reply I am assuming he is not interested, or even if he is, I am just too tired of guessing and dealing with it, not to mention that not replying at all is quite rude, considering he could have just declined and it would have taken him 3 seconds to do so. Thank you all.

[IndiReloaded]

If he were a "player" and used to casual sex relations, he wouldn't be giving you these mixed signals and seem slightly insecure.

Sorry Carl, I usually agree w/you but on this one she needs to consider this is his MO. It may not even be completely deliberate, but the end result--her feeling neglected--is the same. Players can come in more than one flavour, including 'play dumb'.

Interesting the split in M-F opinions on this.

[haxan]

Well, you're clearly not any type of priority. When people want each other, they tend to have no problems communicating and getting together. I'm inclined to agree that he's probably rebounding, trying to get his ex back, and at times you can be a welcome distraction from that fiasco.

[miffy]

Sorry Carl, I usually agree w/you but on this one she needs to consider this is his MO. It may not even be completely deliberate, but the end result--her feeling neglected--is the same. Players can come in more than one flavour, including 'play dumb'.

Interesting the split in M-F opinions on this.

I'm miffy, not Carl - Freudian slip? Hehe, anyway we can only try to analyze these situations from our own experiences. As a guy myself, I cannot in all honesty believe someone would have a repertoire or an MO like that. It seems utterly pointless and childish to me. If I'm interested in a woman, I tell her and let her feel that. If not, I make it very clear that I'm having fun but I don't leave a "maybe" at the door on my way out. If he is playing a role and not being earnestly confused, he's completely f'cked up and should be given a wide berth.

[carl1222]

Sorry Carl, I usually agree w/you but on this one she needs to consider this is his MO. It may not even be completely deliberate, but the end result--her feeling neglected--is the same. Players can come in more than one flavour, including 'play dumb'.

Interesting the split in M-F opinions on this.

Anything's possible, Miffy (oh wait, that's Indi). But if he IS a player, he certainly has a very unusual (and unnecessary) game. Besides, players tend to lose interest quickly after they have achieved their (sexual) goal. Where's the fun in playing a girl they already had sex with?

[sunflower77]

Guess we will never really know as he still hasn't replied and I doubt he ever will at this point. I am so tired of men like that. There is nothing wrong in letting someone know what your intentions are and if you were just looking for something casual, not replying is just childish.

[Wakeup]

Anything's possible, Miffy (oh wait, that's Indi). But if he IS a player, he certainly has a very unusual (and unnecessary) game. Besides, players tend to lose interest quickly after they have achieved their (sexual) goal. Where's the fun in playing a girl they already had sex with?

I disagree with that too. What you're describing sounds more like an asshole, then it does a player. Players don't give up on easy sex as long as it's good and who they're doing it with isn't pushing for more than the sex. They have learned to juggle many. They play, that's why they're called "players"

[Wakeup]

Guess we will never really know as he still hasn't replied and I doubt he ever will at this point. I am so tired of men like that. There is nothing wrong in letting someone know what your intentions are and if you were just looking for something casual, not replying is just childish.

Oh don't worry, he's kept a door open by not ending it and I think he's just reinforcing through actions that he's not up to dating you but he will have some fun with you if you offer.

The possiblity exists as well that he's gotten back with his ex.

Anyway, you're right a simple phone call saying "sorry I can't" would be the decent thing to have done. Keep that in mind if/when he contacts you when it suits him and factor it in when you're deciding if you should give him more of your company.

If he does call you and just wants to meet without actually going out with you then I suggest you make the meet at his house (if you decide to see him again O.o) Just to make sure that he's not married or has a live-in there, of course.

Have all your hook ups been at your place?

[smackie9]

Sunflower, you are upset he didn't come forth with his intentions......well you didn't either. This goes to show you that YOU need to step up and communicate. Stop relying on "signals" or waiting for them to say something. Speak up next time....to them and not to us.

[Wakeup]

Sunflower, you are upset he didn't come forth with his intentions......well you didn't either. This goes to show you that YOU need to step up and communicate. Stop relying on "signals" or waiting for them to say something. Speak up next time....to them and not to us.

With that being said... A guy needs to know what he wants before he can tell her what his intentions are. I don't think they were seeing each other enough for either of them to really know. His likely answer would have been something along the lines of "I'm not ready for something more serious" in which case the majority of young women out there would take that to mean that he may be ready later on if she sticks around for more. That is when she has to gauge by his actions (especially the lack of them) that will show her if he's progessing the union or just keeping it sexual. If she's growing on him, then he'll step it up for her.. not avoid her calls. * Besides, I'm not reading that she's all that upset about not forming anything of substance with him but rather that a human would act like a walking asshole... disillusioned might be a better describer.

Just next him and view this as Lessons to be learned for the next adventure, Sunflower.

[IndiReloaded]

Guess we will never really know as he still hasn't replied and I doubt he ever will at this point.

I was just thinking this. Enough conjecture. Do update if he gets in touch, I'm mildly curious. Anyway, you are much better off w/o this guy. As you say, not responding is just rude and who needs that?