One night stand - shame and guilt :(

[Amber2011]

I meant I am not sure if he had one on to begin with, but I know he did when he finished.. so reducing the chances by a lot. I know you can still get pregnant even if they don't come inside but it makes the risk lower.. I will try to go tomorrow. I just feel really ashamed. But you're right, much easier than the worst case scenario.

Ah Kealy. Please stop being ashamed of yourself. We all makes mistakes. Do go to the chemist though and get the morning after pill just to be sure. The pill (not the morning after pill) isn't 100% effective though. I conceived my lovely son while on the pill. I'd only been married a few months so we were delighted. In future, always carry some condoms yourself and if you do get intimate with a man, just wave said condom at him and tell him "No condom, no nookie" LOL. Keep safe

[Kealy]

I've had a really bad day today. I told my best friend about what happened and she was really supportive and I really am glad I told her. But there is also a friend of mine who is a guy who I've had in my life since I was a kid. Years ago (like 4/5 years) he told me he wanted more with me but I only saw him as a friend, but since then he has been fine with me and hasn't mentioned anything about liking me in that way at all. He's been quite supportive through my breakup, while maybe sometimes making comments that he didn't like my ex and thought I could do better than him etc..

So I told him about what happened on Saturday night, and his reaction really really hurt me. He said he was disappointed in me and that he's not surprised I feel so bad about it. I said I would have appreciated some support from him and not judgement but he said he can't help it, and that it makes him see me in a different light I felt sooo bad about it when he said that. He said there is no such thing as a mistake and that I should have been more responsible because anything could have happened to me. I know he's right about that but is it so much to ask of a friend to make you feel better when you're down?? He also said to me (which I couldn't believe) 'no man wants a slutty girl, I didn't think that was you'. It made me feel awful. Ughh..even more disgusted in myself. I said I agreed with him but still feel like I made a mistake and regret it, and will never do it again. Is he justified in reacting like that??

[smackie9]

This is a guy that is stuck in the friends zone. He is very jealous. To him he thinks that since he is such a great guy and cares about you so much, he feels he deserves to have you....only to find out some random guy got to have you has stabbed him in the heart....that is why he is saying these bad things....he is just being a sore loser. Trust me on this one..... guys like him think they are a nice guy but they are not. Is he justified in reacting like that?...absolutly not. He is a jerk. It's time to dump him as a friend because he isn't being one.

[Kealy]

This is a guy that is stuck in the friends zone. He is very jealous. To him he thinks that since he is such a great guy and cares about you so much, he feels he deserves to have you....only to find out some random guy got to have you has stabbed him in the heart....that is why he is saying these bad things....he is just being a sore loser. Trust me on this one..... guys like him think they are a nice guy but they are not. Is he justified in reacting like that?...absolutly not. He is a jerk. It's time to dump him as a friend because he isn't being one.

I really hadn't had the impression that he still likes me though. I have known him for so many years and I am surprised at him saying those things to me. He seemed absolutely fine about me being with my ex and didn't act jealous then that I remember. I only thought it was relevant to say he mentioned he had feelings for me years ago because I thought that may perhaps have impacted on his words, but to me it doesn't make sense. Why make me feel so crap about myself and basically call me a slut when he cares about me?? I just think it's so rude and it's made me feel even worse.

[VincenzoG91]

Maybe he is a Rush Limbaugh fan.

[Wakeup]

I really hadn't had the impression that he still likes me though. I have known him for so many years and I am surprised at him saying those things to me. He seemed absolutely fine about me being with my ex and didn't act jealous then that I remember. I only thought it was relevant to say he mentioned he had feelings for me years ago because I thought that may perhaps have impacted on his words, but to me it doesn't make sense. Why make me feel so crap about myself and basically call me a slut when he cares about me?? I just think it's so rude and it's made me feel even worse.

I agree with Smackie although I'll add: Because you've chosen to screw some random you don't even know over him who has invested in your relationship for years(while he likely hopes you will suddenly develop romantic/sexual feelings for him too..) I understand his mind-set though. Think about it. How you would feel if you had a crush on him for years but he only wanted to be your friend and he would rather screw someone he didn't even know over you?

You'd likely be hurt but the only difference is that you'd keep your hurt inside and continue to be this platonic friend whereas his ego wouldn't allow him to do that so he's trying to make you feel as bad as he does. You use him as your emotional catch all when you have no emotional feelings for him. He's stupid to let you do that to him and if he can't be what you have delegated him to be,(girlfriend with dangly bits) then he should sever your friendship all together.

Perhaps you should sever your friendship if he can't wrap his head around the fact that you'll never want him the way he wants you?

[Wakeup]

I'll add to the above: He is actually being a good friend to point out to you that anything horrible could happen to you when you put yourself in that vulnerable of a position with someoen you don't know from Adam. However: He is an asshole for making you feel slutty when he knew you already felt that way without him rubbing it in. How he now looks at you is his problem, not yours so don't sweat it.

[Kealy]

[/b]I agree with Smackie although I'll add: Because you've chosen to screw some random you don't even know over him who has invested in your relationship for years(while he likely hopes you will suddenly develop romantic/sexual feelings for him too..) I understand his mind-set though. Think about it. How you would feel if you had a crush on him for years but he only wanted to be your friend and he would rather screw someone he didn't even know over you?

You'd likely be hurt but the only difference is that you'd keep your hurt inside and continue to be this platonic friend whereas his ego wouldn't allow him to do that so he's trying to make you feel as bad as he does. You use him as your emotional catch all when you have no emotional feelings for him. He's stupid to let you do that to him and if he can't be what you have delegated him to be,(girlfriend with dangly bits) then he should sever your friendship all together.

Perhaps you should sever your friendship if he can't wrap his head around the fact that you'll never want him the way he wants you?

But I really don't think he does want me in that way. It was years ago that he said he liked me and since then I haven't noticed any real signs apart from light banter.. and he stuck around being fine when I was with my ex. If he told me he still had feelings for me then I guess we would talk about whether it's best to stay friends, but he hasn't said so. I am really angry at him though for hurting my feelings even more when he should be trying to be a friend. OMGeee life is soo complicated with men.. I may turn to the other team.. or just stay celibate. So so much easier!!

[smackie9]

Sorry hun but it's true.....if he didn't feel that way about you anymore he would be around anymore. I have see many posts by friend zoned guys....they never stop hoping that someday you will fall for them.....they just can't bring themselves to let you go and yes it can go on for years.

[Wakeup]

^^ Yepper!

OMGeee life is soo complicated with men.. I may turn to the other team.. or just stay celibate. So so much easier!!

Here's some advice: Stop confessing. Everyone you know does not need to be privy to your one indiscretion. You should learn to deal with this through self-reflection and learning to forgive yourself and stop looking for forgiveness from outside sources. Keep in mind that the more people know about you the more they will judge you if what you have done is against their own moral code. It's human nature (for some reason) for people to throw stones from their glass houses. :o)

Forgive yourself, learn the lesson this situ has taught you, then life won't get so complicated.

[pisces25]

OMGeee life is soo complicated with men.. I may turn to the other team..

Really does my head in when chicks say 'stupid men I might become lesbian'. Just a note, gay relationships are NO different.

[stuckies]

no point telling her it's just sex - if she felt it was just sex she wouldnt be beating herself up about it.

lesson learned. I wouldnt want the fade - be straight just tell him it was a one off, thanks but no thanks...and I know two solid couples who started off as ONS so the fact that he's contacting doesnt always mean he's a sex crazed jerk

[cathy22]

the fact that you feel bad about this shows you have standards. Learn from it and hope you've dodged a bullet.

[IndiReloaded]

Wow, your 'friend' is a jerk. How dare he judge you?

Anyway, I think Smackie is right. This guy is sour grapes b/c your 1NS got what he's wanted for a while. I suppose if he's had you on a pedestal it hurts him to find out you have clay feet. But that's his problem. You deserve your friend's support. Calling you 'slut' is out of line, especially when you trusted him with something you already felt bad about. Guess he's not really your friend. Tell him this. If he's still a jerk, then his loss, not yours.

[Kealy]

Thanks.. my friend has been really off with me since I told him. I saw him a couple of days ago and he looked disappointed when he saw me...shaking his head at me. I'm like 'whaaat, come on, please don't be like that'.. and he'll laugh it off. But it still makes me feel weird. I've just decided not to mention it to him anymore. I feel a little better about it in the respect that I know it was a mistake which I won't be repeating again.

As for the guy. He still texts me almost every day. Sometimes his texts are a bit suggestive.. nothing intense just like 'we need to meet for a cuddle soon '.. I mean I know that's nothing but I haven't seen him since then and he hasn't properly asked me out. He says 'we should go for a drink' but I don't know if he means it cos he hasn't asked to arrange anything. Also, I got a missed call from him at 3am the other night.. I text him the next day and he said he'd been out and when he came home he thought of me.. I don't wanna be a freakin booty call. I think I'm keeping in touch with him cos I feel bad that I did that with him to just cut it off. I know I probably shouldn't but it's not hurting anyone, right? Plus it's nice to have someone to text and keep me occupied as it helps me to think less of my ex.