Response to the "quiet game"

[jules82]

Jules 82 I think I understand where you're coming from. I wish I knew what to tell you to fix it. Maybe do
ing what you are doing just give him a dose of his own medicine. My girlfriend has a different approach she will tell me to drop it or leave and never speak to her again no matter how trivial the argument is. This drives me nuts because I see it as childish. I like to talk things out and then be done with it. The last argument we had we had on the phone. We have our own homes so it was easier for me. She got mad when she didn't see my point and screamed to never talk to her again and hung up. It was a very stupid argument so I decided that was enough. I made no contact at all. She broke the silence. Thats my new tactic. Maybe if you have a friend you can stay with you can stay with them for a few days. Either you wl have to learn to live with his antics or get him to realize your not putting up with it. Or the only other alternative is to leave.Good luck.

I hear ya. I like talking things out as well, but it seems i can never reach that point. My bf loves to shut down on me. His idea of a resolution is playing it silent or just acting like it never happened. But after being with him for so long, I've come to terms with how to deal with it and adjust to his reactions. What really pisses me off most about this ridiculousness, is since he just got a new job, I just gave him a card the other night with tickets to a basketball game he was dying to attend - spent money I didn't have, so we both could go. But see...a day later, it turns ugly over nothing and makes me regretful of my actions. I don't find it attractive. I'm just going to shut down this time. I have plenty to do this weekend, and talking to him isn't one of them LOL....He needs to realize it's just not cool anymore.

[simonmagus]

"and I know we all have our flaws...but I still can't find it acceptable, ya know? "
You do find it acceptable, and you'll have to continue finding it acceptable. If you didn't find it acceptable, you'd be gone.
Anyway, good luck sticking to your plan. Please don't cave.

Is this the great advice that you were quoting in another thread? She says she doesn't find it acceptable then you tell her that she does find it acceptable and wish her good luck. In the other thread you were praising yourself for the wonderful advice that you pass out like candy for the wandering lost children to follow. What a joke.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Guess you didn't read the whole thread.

[simonmagus]

Guess you didn't read the whole thread.

No need to. I like to take doses of dumb **** in as small of portions as possible.

[jules82]

I sometimes wonder why people do come here for advice. I think this will be my last visit. All anyone does is attack each other here....instead of giving out useful advice.

[simonmagus]

I hope you didn't think my most recent comment was directed at you. It was directed towards BackUpOrGetStng. We have been arguing all day over some horrible advice s/he game me and I refuse to follow. I don't think that arguing is extremely common on this site, but then again, I am not here all that often either so maybe so. I have gotten really good advice here multiple times, mostly from people like Wakeup or smackie9, aside from them I can't think of too many although I am sure there are others just can't remember right now. Don't leave because BackUpOrGetStng and I are bickering. A moderator should probably ban us both!

[Bo]

Oh man, I hear you on this one. Going through the same thing with my bf. Honestly I'd say leave him alone and when he's ready he will come to you. And when your little tiff is over, talk to him about his behavior. Tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable in your own home and that you wish he would just talk about it or get over it instead of ruminating on it.

[Bo]

I hope you didn't think my most recent comment was directed at you. It was directed towards BackUpOrGetStng. We have been arguing all day over some horrible advice s/he game me and I refuse to follow. I don't think that arguing is extremely common on this site, but then again, I am not here all that often either so maybe so. I have gotten really good advice here multiple times, mostly from people like Wakeup or smackie9, aside from them I can't think of too many although I am sure there are others just can't remember right now. Don't leave because BackUpOrGetStng and I are bickering. A moderator should probably ban us both!

Oh you are wrong, arguing on this site is like second nature. But usually more so between idiot noobs. All the originals are always helpful aka, vash, mish, HIA, ETC ETC.

[jules82]

Oh man, I hear you on this one. Going through the same thing with my bf. Honestly I'd say leave him alone and when he's ready he will come to you. And when your little tiff is over, talk to him about his behavior. Tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable in your own home and that you wish he would just talk about it or get over it instead of ruminating on it.

So what do you do when your bf does that to you? I'm on day two of this and I just came home from work tonight and decided to just not talk. I hope that makes him feel uncomfortable now. I'm not begging someone to talk to me or show me attention. I'm perfectly fine seperating myself from him when he does this. The part that makes me annoyed though is that he never approaches me or apologizes. Nothing. It's like he thinks he's owed something. It really drives me up a wall. But I'm just going to stick it out and not cave in this time....

[Bo]

So what do you do when your bf does that to you? I'm on day two of this and I just came home from work tonight and decided to just not talk. I hope that makes him feel uncomfortable now. I'm not begging someone to talk to me or show me attention. I'm perfectly fine seperating myself from him when he does this. The part that makes me annoyed though is that he never approaches me or apologizes. Nothing. It's like he thinks he's owed something. It really drives me up a wall. But I'm just going to stick it out and not cave in this time....

I won't lie, sometimes I am a text message terrorizer...something I need to work on. My bf is actually ignoring as I type this, pretty much driving me nuts. For me, when something like this happens, I say what I have to say and then I just stop trying til he comes to me.

I think he thinks it's a fun game to piss me off by ignoring me. It's like the chase, he's giving the silent treatment because he knows it'll piss you off.

I'm the type of person who likes to talk things out and when you're dating a person who is the complete opposite, it truly sucks.

[carl1222]

Congrats, guys, for chasing away the OP

[miffy]

I can understand the frustration very well, I too am a person who vents immediately and talks about issues immediately. Not discussing a problem, throwing tantrums and "shutting off" would simply drive me mad. I commend you for staying this calm and reflective. In the end, as you said, you won't be able to change his nature. But he can change his behaviour, and he will only do that if you change the game, as you already said you are. Think you're on the right track, it will simply take patience and time to make him understand, at some point he will realize that the social dynamic he is employing is not working for him anymore.