Bad boy vs nice guy

[dj454]

This is just curiosity on my part. Having talked to a lot of ladies and read a lot of online dating profiles while I was between relationships this seemed to come up a lot. Almost every profile I read the lady in question would say they were looking for a nice guy. After talking to female friends and asking them the answer was almost always the same. They wanted a njce guy.Why is it then that almost all of them end up with the bad boy. One friend I talked to a lot after my wife left that was married told me she used to prefer the bad boys but after getting hurt and used by them she decided on her nice guy husband. She said he had been persuing her for 2 years and when she realized she made the change. I have anothdr male friend that I consider a bad boy. He has no problem cheating and if he decides he wants a girl he will do whatever it takes to get her. Well he set his sights on the female friend I mentioned and I told him she would never sleep with him. I was wrong.He kept working on her until she did. She doesn't know that I know but it changed how I feel about her. I'm not a fan of cheaters. I guess I should rephrase the guy she cheated with is more of an aquantance than a friend because I have no respect for him but I have to be civil we do work together. I don't know why he always has to tell me abouy his conquests.
I have also noticed almost all of the ladies that said they want a nice guy it seems they really want a bad boy. I can't understand what it is. I know some of it is excitement and some is yhe confidence of the bad boy but I can't nail it down.
What got me thinking about it this time I have a female friend that just married a bad boy that has treated her like crap. She used to call me for support when he would hurt her feelings until I couldn't take it anymore. I told her to leave him or deal with it because it wasn't fair for her to expect me to be her shoulder to cry on when I have a girlfriend and besides she never listened. 2 of her daughters wouldn't talk to her anymore because of him. I refused to go to the wedding which was her 3rd and I warned her about number 2 as well. She would call me crying all the time saying why can't I meet a nice guy like you. Obviously she doesn't want a nice guy. Can anybody shed some light on this. I'm a curious person and I try yo unddrstand why people do what they do but I'm at a loss on this one.

[Wakeup]

This is just curiosity on my part. Having talked to a lot of ladies and read a lot of online dating profiles while I was between relationships this seemed to come up a lot. Almost every profile I read the lady in question would say they were looking for a nice guy. After talking to female friends and asking them the answer was almost always the same. They wanted a njce guy.Why is it then that almost all of them end up with the bad boy. One friend I talked to a lot after my wife left that was married told me she used to prefer the bad boys but after getting hurt and used by them she decided on her nice guy husband. She said he had been persuing her for 2 years and when she realized she made the change. I have anothdr male friend that I consider a bad boy. He has no problem cheating and if he decides he wants a girl he will do whatever it takes to get her. Well he set his sights on the female friend I mentioned and I told him she would never sleep with him. I was wrong.He kept working on her until she did. She doesn't know that I know but it changed how I feel about her. I'm not a fan of cheaters. I guess I should rephrase the guy she cheated with is more of an aquantance than a friend because I have no respect for him but I have to be civil we do work together. I don't know why he always has to tell me abouy his conquests.
I have also noticed almost all of the ladies that said they want a nice guy it seems they really want a bad boy. I can't understand what it is. I know some of it is excitement and some is yhe confidence of the bad boy but I can't nail it down.
What got me thinking about it this time I have a female friend that just married a bad boy that has treated her like crap. She used to call me for support when he would hurt her feelings until I couldn't take it anymore. I told her to leave him or deal with it because it wasn't fair for her to expect me to be her shoulder to cry on when I have a girlfriend and besides she never listened. 2 of her daughters wouldn't talk to her anymore because of him. I refused to go to the wedding which was her 3rd and I warned her about number 2 as well. She would call me crying all the time saying why can't I meet a nice guy like you. Obviously she doesn't want a nice guy. Can anybody shed some light on this. I'm a curious person and I try yo unddrstand why people do what they do but I'm at a loss on this one.

Seems your friend has issues two of which are obvious: Low self-esteem/worth so she picks men who treat her like crap because she doesn't think she deserves anyone better and, fear of being alone so she settles for what she can get no matter how bad it is.

Woman who are worth having would NEVER stay for very long with a man that shows them over and over and over again that he is an asshole and treats her poorly. We just don't get off on that because we love ourselves enough to skip out when red flags and abuse is being dealt to us.

Most woman want a "good guy" not a "bad boy" or the dreaded and self proclaimed "nice guy" who is actually quite manipulative (amongst other negative adjectives). It is the girl who decides if he is "nice" in actuallity and after learning first hand through his actions if he is indeed what he proclaims to be.

[dj454]

Wakeup I think I see what you saying. I guess what I find confusing is the old saying nice guys finish last and that seems to be proven time in and time out. No doubt some women end up with assholes because theg have low self esteem. It seems the guys in question are masters of manipulation and I know that is part of it too. But also like my friend who said she married the nice guy but then cheats on him with a man whore that she had to know was just trying to hook up with her. She works with him too and everybody knows how he is. Mybe it's the extra attention or a lack of something at home. I guess it's one of lifes mysteries. I've just seen it too many times. I know some figure it out but some never seem to learn.

[Wakeup]

Newsflash: Just because your married female friend hooked up with an asshole doesn't not mean she prefers to live a life with one. Your nice female friend who cheated with a man-whore? So what? That certainly does not mean that she prefers to live with one or keep one for her life-mate? Men also cheat with female-whores but usually they don't marry them. Am I right? It seems more and more woman are doing what men have taught them to do for so many years now and they're sampling but they'd never marry it if they'd actually do such a thing.

Some figure it out, yes as I said the ones with a healthy sense of self and what they actually want to spead the rest of their life with would never stay very long with a badboy asswipe. Those that do, don't complain. Instead let them have each other, certainly.

[dj454]

I understand what you're saying. I think I'm just frustrated with my friend for marrying that asshole. I'm not the only friend who wouldn't attend the wedding. I'm also disgusted with my other friend for cheating on her husband. That's what prompted the post to begin with. Thanks for your response.

[JoeyJR]

you might want to google ''why nice guys finish last, and why the jerk is succesfull'' beta males, AFC's, alpha males all come in the equation. Interesting stuff. It all depends on the female too.

[smackie9]

None of these women have any self worth....especially the one that is on her third marriage.....these type of women are locked into a pattern of making bad choices and I'm sure that includes other things in their life too and not just when it comes to men.

[smackie9]

you might want to google ''why nice guys finish last, and why the jerk is succesfull'' beta males, AFC's, alpha males all come in the equation. Interesting stuff. It all depends on the female too.

It's simple...women want a confident guy that will take the lead.....that isn't a jerk. So called nice guys tend to have no confidence and are doormats....when they end up in the friends zone, they get pissy and turn into a jerk.

[JoeyJR]

It's simple...women want a confident guy that will take the lead.....that isn't a jerk. So called nice guys tend to have no confidence and are doormats....when they end up in the friends zone, they get pissy and turn into a jerk.

Yes. Just wanted her to get an Idea of the whole concept.


Not only that but a MAN that doesnt let himself get pushed around, and wont take nobodys shiiiitt, and most importantly a man who has his shiittt together.

[carl1222]

Definitional: A "nice guy" does not equal a "door mat" and a "bad boy" does not equal "confidence."
Most women are attracted to a nice guy with confidence. Unfortunately, a significant percentage (maybe 20%?) of women are excited by the fantasy of being "taken" by a very sexual hedonist ... the handsome, sexy guy with a dark personality who unapologetically tends only to his own physical needs (think rock star wannabe). Great for sex I suppose, but horrible b/f material!

[Bo]

Also, some 'nice' guys aren't actually nice either. There's a lot that goes into this type of stuff.

[smackie9]

Yes. Just wanted her to get an Idea of the whole concept.


Not only that but a MAN that doesnt let himself get pushed around, and wont take nobodys shiiiitt, and most importantly a man who has his shiittt together.

Yes, a man that takes control of his life, that is goal oriented, has direction, knows what he wants and is positive......also with no emotional baggage( but I guess that goes for everyone)..

[surfhb]

Bad Boys arent assholes....there's a huge difference.

[miffy]

The issue is way too complex to be narrowed down to "bad boy" and "nice guy". First off, women AND men subconsciously always look for certain qualities in partners of the opposite sex that remind them of their opposite sex parent. This is fairly general knowledge. As more men are open d-bags than women and tend to more often be abusive, emotionally distant or actually physically distant, many women feel the need for an abusive partner ("abusive" can mean many things in this context, not actual physical abuse). It's a developmental phase that women go through until they realize why they are doing it and what it is actually doing for them. It is just the same with guys who end up with overly motherly and/or clingy women. Neither of us, women or men, want abusive or clingy partners, they don't make us happy. Yet we find ourselves having that experience at some point due to our psychological and sexual development.

Both men and women want independent, confident and stable partners. It's only through happiness with yourself and confidence in your life that you can have a truly rewarding and rich relationship. There are of course certain sexual role elements involved, /w women often being attracted to dominating males and men to submissive women, but this is no general rule of thumb, and can also take way more forms than just the man taking the iniative and the woman following his lead.

Obviously, men sometimes get confused because optimally, a woman wants a man who is: strong, confident, and takes iniative but at the same time sensitive, passionate and in need of loving. Men want sexually attractive, understanding and caring women but at the same time also wish for some authority on her part, independence, and personal connection - something many of us do not admit to easily. It takes time, maturity and experience to reach a state where a woman or man can be all that, to be attractive in multiple aspects, and when you're not there, it's hard to understand.

[smackie9]

This topic comes up all the time......it's just interesting to see other peoples views on it that is all.