Not sure what I'm feeling, help!

[Joanne Shmo]

Been with the guy about 6 months, we see each other probably 5 nights a week. Everything was fantastic last week. This week I'm feeling really miserable about things and I'm looking for some clarification on what I might actually be feeling and if I'm justified in being pissed off with him or if I just need to suck it up... and what's the best way to get back on track... here's what happened:

Friday night I'd had a really stressfull week at work and was reeeally loking forward to seeing him and relaxing after it. He called in the late afternoon to say he was going to go out with some friends that night. I was quite disappointed because I'd been looking foward to the evening so much, but we hadn't made any concrete plans -I'd just assumed we'd be seeing each other. So that was OK, I wasn't mad at all then, just dissappointed - but not his fault.

We spent Saturday evening/night together and Sunday morning, and it was nice. I left to run a few errands and go for a run in the early afternoon but we made plans (his suggestion) to see each other again in the evening. He called a few hours later to ask if I wanted to go out somewhere his friends were going that afternoon/evening... I kind of didn't but I could tell he really wanted to so said OK. He was already with his friends and went with them so I met him there. After a few hours I'd had enough and wanted to go. I should have just said so I suppose but instead I stayed and wasn't much fun to be around - just standing in a corner while everyone else was dancing... checking my watch constantly... I guess I was hoping he'd notice and say OK let's go.... eventually I did tell him I wanted to leave, he said yes we'll go soon but back to one of his friend's houses for a while first. I said no I'm going home now. He said don't you want to stay at my house? I said yes but I want to go now, so you stay with your friends and I'll go home ... I wasn't *really* happy about that but I could tell he preferred to stay and didn't want to drag him away from his friends... I regreted it as soon as I'd left, wished I'd just stuck it out for a while longer or told him I wanted to go and compromised on the time... but too late. Later I sent him a message apologising for being grumpy/boring that night and said I'd speak to him the next day... at this point I was feeling a bit sad and angry, partly at myself but also at him but I can't really put my finger on what he did wrong...

Monday night I called him after I finished work, he was just at home... I went over and stayed there the night, apologised again for being grumpy/boring, he didn't realy seem to care - wasn't mad about it in the first place... I still felt resentful or something towards him about the previous night... he commented that I seemed upset but I said I was fine bc I didn't understand what i was feeling and why. The night was pretty good otherwise...

Tuesday night I called him after I finished work again, he still had a few work related errands to run. He said a friend had come in from across state and was staying with him for the next two nights, maybe we would all go out for dinner together when he'd finished work, - he'd call me when he finished to let me know what was happening.... he never called that night. Now I was definitely upset and angry and had a reason I could point to. He called the next afternoon apparently unaware he'd done anything wrong and I told him off. He agreed he had done the wrong thing and apologised for that... but when I said it had made me feel really unimportant he basically said don't be ridiculous... So I feel like he thinks I was just nitpicking his behaviour... he was dismissive of how I felt because of it... that conversation ended pretty cordially with him not understanding why I was still cool towards him after he'd apologised...

Last night I called him after work again and he was with friends but said to come join them, so I did.... but it was like Sunday night all over again, - I wanted to leave after a few hours but he obviously didn't... I wished I'd just gone home after work but I was there and I didn't want it to end the same way as last time so I stuck it out for a while for his sake then said I wanted to leave, he said OK and we went back to his house. The way the whole week had played out had caught up with me by then and I was feeling really upset and confused about it all... I think just the fact that he was with his friends again instead of trying to see me after the conversation from the previous night made me feel bad.. I'm sure he wouldn't have called ME to invite me tohang with them, he would have called later when he was done just to check in and say goodnight... He kept asking what was wrong when we got back to his house and I kept saying nothing because I can't articulate anything about what I'm feeling.... now he's confused too and probably thinks his girlfriend is a psyho


Help please...

What am I feeling? Am I right to be feeling it? What can i do to move forwards?

Thanks

[surfhb]

Youre not going to like what I say but....to me you sound like a 13 year old girl who sounds really needy doesn't like that fact your BF has a social life. So you see each other everynight and this 1 week he doesnt give you the attention you want? Sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel. - Its clear you dont like his friends so its really important you tell him that.

Seriously though, you need to communicate better with the guy. You keep saying youre confused on how you feel. Stop with that nonsense and just let him have your opinions.

[miffy]

I honestly cannot completely understand where you're coming from or why you're feeling upset. It's clear that he's spending loads of time with you. It's clear that there are no problems on a level of intimacy or communication, at least on his side. He seems like a very open and nice guy. If you didn't feel like going out with his friends, why did you go twice? It feels like you were forcing yourself and then got upset at yourself over it, but were directing it at him in a way. He seems to be doing everything right, asking what you want, apologizing when he knows he went too far. You're the one with the issue apparently. Something in your dynamic with him isn't clicking right now for you, and you need to find out what. And don't force yourself to go out with his friends when you don't feel like it, you really were being a party pooper. But worse things happen in life and there's really no need to feel so upset about it.

[carl1222]

I'm not going to pick on you, but it's obvious that you are angry because he did not anticipate your uncommunicated expectations. You can't expect him to have known what you needed last weekend because you never told him. It sounds like he's a good boyfriend who sets aside lots of time for you ... but he's no mind reader.

I can't help but think things would have gone much better if you had told him early on that you had a stressful week and were hoping for a little quiet time with him last weekend.

[Wakeup]

I have to agree with everyone else but I'll ask you this: Do you not have any of your own friends? I ask because I think you're expecting your boyfriend to be your everything and when he ocassionally wants to hang with his pack.. you resent him.

How about next time you don't want to go that you call up your gurls and go have a nice glass of red with them, shoot the shite and unwind about your stessfull work day with kindred spirits. Then, meet up with your guy the next night and you'll both have some things to talk about that have nothing to do with how negative your work day(s) have been.

I say, don't be in a miff at him. He's not done a thing wrong in what you've shared with us.

[vashti]

I think you are upset that he chose to hang with his friends rather than go home with you. (women can be very territorial that way.)

I agree with carl that you need to do a better job of communicating you needs BEFORE you go.

example:

Him: I'm going to hang out with some of my friends tonight, do you want to meet me there?
You: I'd love to, but I've had a hard week, and I was hoping for some alone time with you. Can we go for maybe 2-3 hours, and then go home together? Or were you planning to hang out all night?