Mixed Signals?

[IndiReloaded]

From another vantage point, I would not be in bed with a person I don't like sexually. If I go to bed with a woman I like, and do not escalate intimacy, I'd feel like I am rejecting her, and she would feel that way as well, based on my experience in life so far.

That's just your excuse for being a cad, Sixp.

[Sixpacj]

That's just your excuse for being a cad, Sixp.

I had to look up "cad" :-)

"a man who behaves dishonorably, esp. toward a woman: her adulterous cad of a husband."

Why do you feel the need to call me names if you disagree with me. Just say you disagree, or provide evidence/information showing I am wrong.

Your calling me things doesn't make you right or "righter".

The OP wanted a male's perspective. I gave her mine. There was nothing "dishonourable" about it or in it towards women. If there was, please indicate. That you should not play with people's feelings, expectations? Is there an area where it is easier to get hurt or mislead than intimate closeness in a situation of emotional vulnerability?

If the issue at hand were so simple and straightforward, why is the OP here asking for info from males? To get an opinion of a female who thinks she knows about men? And who knows little about male sexuality, or better still, what feelings men have or have not in intimate settings, simply because she is not a man?

She (the OP) does not have to heed it or agree with it, but it is the perspective of a 38 year old man with quite some experience, so she'd be well-advised to take it into account, at least partially.

What are you females so sore about? That some of us have an opinion?

Have I ever told you what you should feel or think for me to approve of you as a female?

Have I ever called you a name for expressing what a female feels in an intimate situation???

[miffy]

There is nothing "dishonourable" about your comments Six. It's just that you generalize and extrapolate from yourself, a fairly typical male view that not going for the nookie immediately makes you gay, a softie, or not interested. It doesn't exactly do your emotional horizon credit, if you want it spelled out for you. Which is another clichée about us males.

I happen to agree with Indi. He likes her, but is scared of acting or of her in some way or form. Him not going for intimacy immediately is on the one hand understandable if they are a bit young-ish, on the other hand also speaks for him, he seems to be a more sensitive and cautious type. One you could build trust with more easily then.

[Sixpacj]

1. "There is nothing "dishonourable" about your comments Six."

Of course, there isn't. I know. That was a rhetorical question. It escapes me why some woman felt it was necessary to call me that, prolly cause she failed to see another way to disagree with me.

2. "It's just that you generalize and extrapolate from yourself, a fairly typical male view that not going for the nookie immediately makes you gay, a softie, or not interested."

Buahahahahahaha man you're killing me ;-) You accuse me of overgeneralisation only to engage in gross and sexist generalisation in the same breath. We all generalise. It is called sharing your experience and the resulting knowledge. Also, in my posts you will find words "some", "in general", etc., and I never write that "women are more ... than men" or vice versa.

The OP asked me for an opinion. Me as a male. I gave her one. If you don't agree with mine, fine, present yours, but please spare me all that man-hating BS.

I am going to let you in on a secret - the sexuality of heterosexual men is different form that of homosexual men or females. Different. Mind you, I didn't write "superior" or "inferior".

Do not ever believe when a female tells you what a man should feel in a situation of intimacy, ever. I presented my view as a straight man, one who is rather direct and of a certain age. Other men have different opinions. Hear them out, but you need not judge.

Also, I never said you should go for the kill "immediately". In bed twice is not immediately.

3. "It doesn't exactly do your emotional horizon credit, if you want it spelled out for you."

How old are you? I am 38. I bet I have more of a horizon than you. Have experienced a lot, saw a lot of things happen, have done, seen and been told a lot things you would not believe.. Let me repeat: how old are you?

4. "Which is another clichée about us males."

And another piece of man-hating propaganda. Who is the sexist around here? Can't you string one sentence together without some form of male-bashing? Would you say the same if it were about females? What about Jewish people, or Africans, or homosexual people? Would you repeat cliches about them? Would you???

I frigging dare you ;-)

I sense a lot of shame in you and unresolved issue with your father maybe. Well, this is beside the point anyways and I, like all of us here, have my own issues, as well.

5. "I happen to agree with Indi. He likes her, but is scared of acting or of her in some way or form. Him not going for intimacy immediately is on the one hand understandable if they are a bit young-ish, on the other hand also speaks for him, he seems to be a more sensitive and cautious type. One you could build trust with more easily then."

Finally some sensible information without the need for man-hatred. I don't agree with it but if that is your view, fair enough.

[miffy]

Where do u get the sense of man-hatred? I'm simply annoyed by you implying that just because YOU can't imagine not being intimate when lying in bed twice with a girl, NO man could. THAT is where you are fulfilling a clichée about men in general, one I do not share and it's an image of manhood I reject. I am 27, heterosexual, and have been in several longterm and sexually very active relationships. Not that it matters at all. For that matter, age has nothing whatsoever to do with the level of depth you are capable of. I admit I made the comment out of annoyance and a bit ignorantly so, I'll apologize for that.

However, I am not male-bashing, I am simply stating that you shouldn't lead women to believe that just because you, as a healthy heterosexual man can't imagine intimacy without sex, no straight man could. Your view is one thing, generalizing is another. If you can't realize that I am telling you exactly why THAT is reinforcing a sexist view in itself and defending manhood as much more complex and deep than just that and accuse me of "man-bashing", you have no clue whatsoever.

[indielover]

I wouldnt neccessarily be INTIMIDATING i dont think but yes i would be quite an outgoing fairly self assured person who doesnt take any crap and he knows that-though clueless when it comes to relationships! I do feel like hes waiting for me to make a move but Ive had such bad experiences with this previously that im not sure what the best way to go about it is? Quite frankly, it scares the crap outta me having to lay my emotions out there and making myself vulnerable. We are going out tonight with our friends but I dont want it to be done when drink is involved coz I think that could make him doubt my sincerity?

[miffy]

As long as you're not roaringly drunk, I wouldn't worry too much about it. You're clearly very into him, and he's either waiting on you or intimidated a bit. Make a move, and see how he reacts. Caress his hair, kiss him, get into physical contact. His reaction should tell you volumes Or you could just play it the very safe and cautious way, sit him down in an alcove or whatnot, and flat out tell him you like him. Be brutally honest and tell him you want to be with him. If he's too shy to make a move and kiss you or whatever, YOU do it. Take some initiative, as long as you're sure he wants you and you want him ^^

[Wakeup]

I wouldnt neccessarily be INTIMIDATING i dont think but yes i would be quite an outgoing fairly self assured person who doesnt take any crap and he knows that-though clueless when it comes to relationships! I do feel like hes waiting for me to make a move but Ive had such bad experiences with this previously that im not sure what the best way to go about it is? Quite frankly, it scares the crap outta me having to lay my emotions out there and making myself vulnerable. We are going out tonight with our friends but I dont want it to be done when drink is involved coz I think that could make him doubt my sincerity?

If being the one to pursue has turned out badly for you in the past then why would you do the same thing again and expect a different result. Perhaps it wasn't you doing the pursuing or initiating that caused the disaster but rather how you went about it that made is so?

Have you ever read the book "He's Just Not That Into You" or watched the movie? I think alot of it was bunk but certainly not all of it and if you haven't read it, it might give you a different view on things.

I tend to think that if a guy really is into you, then no matter how shy he is or how inappropriate he is trying his best NOT to be, he will still show you without doubt that he wants you. Even my own brother who was so painfully shy got the nerve to ask my best friend out and they later married.

Stop sleeping in the same bed with him. It's giving you angst and it's confusing you because you don't know what his intentions are. In fact, next time that opportunity presents itself and you tell him you're not going to sleep in the same bed with him, it may raise the opportunity to speak about things if he asks why.

Frankly, I know you'll do what your gut tells you to but I'd not be spilling my guts to him just yet. Show him how you feel in actions first and ask him out one-on-one. Gauge his response and go from there. One step at a time.

[haxan]

Quite frankly, it scares the crap outta me having to lay my emotions out there and making myself vulnerable. We are going out tonight with our friends but I dont want it to be done when drink is involved coz I think that could make him doubt my sincerity?

Just do what IndiReloaded suggested and ask him straight out if he likes you tonight, it's not making yourself vulnerable.

You seem to be struggling with reading his intentions, so just put it out there. If he says he sees you as a friend, then you won't waste the night watching him flirt with other girls wondering if he likes you. If he does, then you can focus on the two of you.

[IndiReloaded]

I had to look up "cad" :-)

What are you females so sore about? That some of us have an opinion?

Have I ever told you what you should feel or think for me to approve of you as a female?

Have I ever called you a name for expressing what a female feels in an intimate situation???

Actually, I was just teasing you but left off the ;-) I don't know if you are really a cad or not. Sure, go ahead and have an opinion. I love opinions. I love the crunching sound they make when I gnaw on them. Grr.

[smackie9]

I really like my friends house mate, hes a very nice guy and completely opposite to the previous guys I was with (which didnt work out). I get the impression he likes me and twice we've slept in the same bed but did nothing but cuddle. Firstly do you have basic tips on how to know if a guy likes you, especially if hes bad with technology so you cant judge by texting or that? Secondly, we went out for his birthday and things were going great, thought something might happen but there was an awful lot of girls all over him and he ended up kissing someone else. Later he told us all about this girl he kissed-though he was saying it in a bad way-and was talking about some other hot girl he saw out. He always mentions that a girl is hot if she walks by. Does this mean he only sees me as a friend or is he trying to make me jealous? Also, advice on whether to make a move or not and how? I reckon he must know that I like him as I make an effort to hang out with him as well as my friends/his housemates. Appreciate the input, cant really go in to much more detail as it would all be small little details of different incidents. However,once my friend alluded to me and him being cute together and he did go red and laughed.

He's one happy dude. Why would he ever give up all that attention from other girls to date just one girl. He's a flirt and likes to work it with the ladies.......he's a ladies man.

[smackie9]

actually, i was just teasing you but left off the ;-) i don't know if you are really a cad or not. Sure, go ahead and have an opinion. I love opinions. I love the crunching sound they make when i gnaw on them. Grr.

hahahahahaha!

[searock]

OP, from what you said, I think he might be really shy around you and unsure as how to proceed with you. I think you should tell him or otherwise let him explicitly know that you are into him. See how he reacts, as IndieReloaded said. That should give you an idea. I really don't find it all that difficult to imagine a guy sleeping with a girl he likes and NOT trying to have sex with her. He might have at least tried to kiss you, that's for sure... but then, he may be just REALLY shy.

I think you should lay your own cards on the table - you've got nothing to lose after all and if you don't, you may never know.

[Sixpacj]

Actually, I was just teasing you but left off the ;-) I don't know if you are really a cad or not. Sure, go ahead and have an opinion. I love opinions. I love the crunching sound they make when I gnaw on them. Grr.

Buahahahahahaha yeah... you crunch... you Tarzan... you gnaw... you tough... on the Iterwebz ;-) lol

[Sixpacj]

hahahahahaha!

And smackie again trolling ask a male thread lolz... Well, she has an opinion, you know... because she knows... she read so many books, you know... :-) :-)