Complicated ex husband problems

[Crazyinlove34]

Ok so this is going to be a long story. I just want all the info out there, so I can have accurate help.

I met a girl who is 7 years younger than I am. We have fallen madly in love and have been dating for 3 months. I believe it to be a love at first sight scenario, like two soul mates meeting. Everything about us is good. The sex, we hold hands, we kiss all the time, etc. It's all great. We talk abot being together forever, how we are the loves of each others lives etc.

She came from a broken home and her mom was never there she raised herself. She never knew her dad and her mom always bashed him. Now she talked to her dad and he says the mom wouldn't allow him to contact her, etc. So she is very resentful to her mom. She doesn't know what has happened in truth and probably never will.

So anyway she got pregnant at 16 with this guy. He always cheated on her, called her fat and ugly, and beat her. They cheated on each other and broke up on and off again. Then she had a second child by him at 19 years old. She had dropped out of high school and so had he. She says she never loved him it they got married so the kids could have a dad like she never did.

After more cheating, a non existent sex life, mental and physical abuse she finally moves out. In the mean time she gets her grade 12, and also gets his by doing it for him correspondence. So now she is in post secondary school and I meet her. She is 7 months "separated" right now.

First she has cheated on everyone she has been with, by going back to him. Or her cheating on him. So far I know she hasn't cheated. She swears she knows she can never lose me and swears she will never hurt me.

However he calls and texts her daily. Always wanting her to buy him clothes online, or to drop her lawyer so he doesn't have to pay. She thinks he still loves her. It scares me she entertains all his phone calls. He never sees his kids, and he never calls to talk to them or help with them. I told her to stop buying his clothes and she says she feels sorry for him. He blames her for having a crappy life. She also says she is scared he will kill himself and she slowly needs to remove him from her life. It just sucks because he won't give her back her personal belongings, her dog, stuff like that. But she still does all this stuff for him.

She says she could never go back to him, and will never hurt me. She says she is only being nice to him in hopes he will be a good dad. And she doesn't want her kids to hate her like she hates her mom.

Do I have a beef here? Advice? I told her 5 years down the road she can't be doing his homework and buying his clothes. She said that she won't be. He is having trouble getting over the separation and she is just trying to help him. I don't know I need help. Should I tell her she can be a friend but stop buying the clothes?

[surfhb]

3 months isnt a long time to get attached. Either she stop or you need to move on. Why would you continue to put up with this garbage? If she continues and/or you stay with her then you need to re think your priorities in life.

[dem862]

Your relationship is a three-some. He is the father of her children and she will always ALLOW him to be in their/her life. Either get used to it or leave her. You could try the ultimatum route, but I think she will either choose him, or she will go undercover with it. Usually, the soulmate thing has nothing to do with love. It usually has to do with dependence and infatuation. You should enjoy this while it lasts, but I don't see this going on happily ever after.

[smackie9]

It's a sad sad story. She and like a lot of other single moms out there, she is doing the best she can to deal with this complicated situation. Lots of women do this because it a means of survival. Don't worry she is trying very hard to keep herself emotionally distant. It's kind of like quitting a bad habit, like smoking, you are so used to having them, you get that craving and fall back.....she knows he is bad for her, and maybe this time with some support, she can finally get over him in time.

But since she is still in the process of leaving him, she is in no position to be in a romantic relationship with anyone. It's way too soon. Her personal issues with this matter is not your problem to deal with am I right? so if you stay with her, all what's gonna happen is that you will be getting dragged into her mess. That is truly an unhealthy situation for the both of you. I suggest you back out and explain to her that she needs to get her shit together before you will be ready to have a relationship with her.....too much bull s hit.

[surfhb]

I'm missed the part about 7 month seperated . Yeah.....this girl has no business being in a relationship to begin with.

[Crazyinlove34]

Update we talks about how we feel. I told her I understand the importance of a working relationship with her ex for the sake of the kids. She agreed that doing things like buying his clothes (which she did because he is ineligable for a credit card) wont make him a better dad. She agreed to tell him she wasn't comfortable doing that anymore. I guess despite the advice I am receiving here we are going to attempt to move forward together. For right or for wrong. I am definitely going to be cautious. However we feel we have a true one of a kind love. Being 30 years old I know I have never felt anything like I do with her. Her being 24 says the same. Despite being only legally separated 7 months the marriage was over for 2 years as far as physical contact. She only remained in the relationship for the kids sake. I understand this feeling being in a long term loveless relationship. Sometimes it's hard to escape. I don't believe that means she isn't ready for us. I guess I will find out.