Thoughts?

[MistyJack]

My Guy and I have been having some issues. It all start a little over a month ago when he had a conversation with his mother about his and my future. He came home after that and informed me that he wanted a vasectomy. He has two kids that are 9 and 10, from different mothers. Since I at the time was still unsure about a baby I broke down. We did not really speak for almost a week at which time I told him that I wanted to take off for a week to my sisters to think. Still not saying much I left for a week and when I came back was still unsure or so I thought. We had a two day conversation where I felt that because I did not know if I wanted one or not it was unfair to him. I went and did some thinking and I came back to him and told him that what I wanted was to be with him. However I worry of all the problems with a vasectomy that I did/do not want him to get one. So he agreed and I made an appointment for birth control. I got the pills and was just waiting for my period to start taking the pills. At this point I was sure that thats what I wanted to do. I wanted to be with him and the two kids.

On Thursday I came home to him looking up a vasectomy on the internet. It upset me and we started discussing things. He wanted to know that I would not "relaspe" (because I have changed my mind about a baby before) and also my reassurance that I would be ok with the surgery. I told him I can not be sure that I would not relaspe and that no assurance was going to happen. After that he started giving me the silent treatment for the next couple days. On sunday I finally had enough, built up the strength and we sat down and had a discusion. It made me realize alot. I believe that he is my true love and he believes the same. Through talking I discovered that I wanted a baby with him, just him and no one else. He is a very prideful man so I knew saying it would end the relationship due to the fact that his decision was made. Neither of us were willing to compromise. I would be applying for an appartment the next day and we broke it off.

I made sure that I was not home when he came back and went to go cry with some friends of mine. He did try to get me to come home but I was so upset and mad that I did not think that was a good idea. I came home finally and he was sleeping on the couch, which was where I had planned on sleeping. I tried to sneak up the stairs and he woke up. He had been waitting for me to get home. I was told I am so sorry for how I have handle everything and I know that if you leave tomorrow I will never see you again and I do not want to be without you, my love, my soulmate. I was not convinced, then he said so to have you means we must attempt to have a baby than that is what I am willing to do. Which is what I really want, I love him so much. I know it is hard for him but I also know that when a baby is on the way and here, he will be so happy and own all of it(he also said that too) And then he prooved that he was dedicated to this decision but also lets me know that it is a hard choice for him to make. We have had baby making relations, with some performance downers. I think he is freaked out with his decision... rightfully so. but so am I.

I feel happy that this is what I want. But I am worried about his mental state and whether or not this compromise is going to mess him up. Is it right for me to want a baby with the man that I plan on and see myself with for the rest of my life? Also I am wondering if there is anythign I could do to help him be more happy and content with his decision?

Sorry this is so long but I felt that whoever reads this would need the history that led to the decision. Thank-you

[pisces25]

He has agreed to have a baby with you so he doesn't lose you. Sorry to appear harsh but that is completely the wrong reason to have a child. There is every chance he could resent being in this situation. Yes, it is ok for you to want a baby with the man you love, however it is not ok to have him want one just for your sake. I don't think there is anything you can do to make him more happy and content with his decision, as it is clearly a decision he felt he had no choice but to make.

[surfhb]

Agreed! This is a disaster waiting to happen. Boggles the mind why you would consider having a child with a man who does not want one.

[MistyJack]

And sadly I have to agree with both of you. Currently though a possible baby could have been made in the last couple of days but highly doubtful because my period is supposed to show up in 1 week. I am feeling bummed that I am making him make this decision. I did wonder how I would feel about making him do what he does not want to do just to have me but I did not think that I would feel like a horrible person. When he mentioned it and wanted to proove it I was unable to resist him. I don't want to break his heart but I also don't want to put him through all this mental anguish. My question to myself is Can I be happy with myself if I do this? Sadly I am not so sure.

[VincenzoG91]

Do you want to know the future of this relationship? Look at his relationships with the mothers of his two children. You may become baby-mama #3 someday. It isn't right to ask anybody to compromise on the decision to have children. If somebody definitely wants to have a kid, they should. And if somebody definitely doesn't want to have a kid, or in his case, another kid, they definitely shouldn't. And if two people with opposite views on this very important matter are in a relationship together, then they are fundamentally incompatible and should break up.