I was evil

[Wot2do]

Im not feeling all that proud of myself right now. It's a little bit complicated so I will try to make this as simple as possible. The issue doesnt lie with my ex who kidnapped my son and took him overseas. I have sorted through that but obviously it is something that will have a life long effect on me. My current girlfriend knew all my history before we started living together, incidently she is pregnant now. I had a very hard time though for 18 months when my ex first disappeared with my son. I still love my son (not my ex) and it would be more than remiss of me to forget him. My ex occasionally connects with me over the net to video chat with him but he is only 3 so its nearly impossible. I always miss him; my current girlfriend knew of him before she committed hersef to having a child with me. On more than one occasion during heated issues she has mentioned my sons name with absolute contempt even saying she hates him just to hurt me, but tonight I had enough and warned her to back down because it was'nt really appropriate given that I am about to miss another of his birthdays ( I lied he is 3 in 2 weeks ). She got upset and argued with me because I have a few of his things still and she voiced her opinion most agressively that she thought his things were garbage and we wouldnt use them for our child. Thats when she started talking about my son offensively, but I was also trying to calm her down not understanding her irrationality. I have told her that I will love all my children the same, that I would have no favourites. I have also told her that I really don't love my ex, in fact I detest her for taking my son. I have done nothing but reassure her but it seems she just thinks something then wholeheartedly believes it and then hates me because of something she has just imagined. She had a difficult marriage which ended in divource because he cheated. Well right now she is in the room crying and told me not to touch her, but heres why. In her aggressive state about 2 hours ago she hit me 3 times quite hard and even drew blood in a couple of places, now given she had just suddenly started getting quite annoyed with me for nearly an hour and abusing my son (revving me up beyond belief too, they always know the things to say to hurt you the most and its obviously intentional), having hit me 3 times I retaliated. My ex and I argued but we were never violent and I have never been violent with any other woman. I feel like an absolute heel, and someone is going to say so I should, well its moot I do and you cant even begin to imagine to .0001 of a degree how much. But the truth of the matter is she is so damn opinionated about stupid things like "oh another coffee?" to which I reply " well maybe I should have another woman instead, just like your ex" but she will put me down about anything ( the way she says it is derogitory ). I do love her but my ex had that baby depression thing and I can see a pattern. Yeah I know counselling etc, but if someone doesnt believe they have an issue and wont go even to save what we could have if we can build up trust again ( yeah its trust remember she struck first and right now it wouldnt put it past her to put a knife through my throat while I sleep, if you say I deserve it then I'm not listening ). I was wrong and so was she equally, given that she revved me up though and hit first perhaps she needs to take a little more responsibilty. But it annoys me too that she will waste my time all day by arguing, its not progressive and its nearly every day. Its the first time this has happened though ( the violence ) and its a real turning point. Sorry to take so much of your time, but thanks if you got this far.

[Wakeup]

Im not feeling all that proud of myself right now. It's a little bit complicated so I will try to make this as simple as possible. The issue doesnt lie with my ex who kidnapped my son and took him overseas. I have sorted through that but obviously it is something that will have a life long effect on me. My current girlfriend knew all my history before we started living together, incidently she is pregnant now. I had a very hard time though for 18 months when my ex first disappeared with my son. I still love my son (not my ex) and it would be more than remiss of me to forget him. My ex occasionally connects with me over the net to video chat with him but he is only 3 so its nearly impossible. I always miss him; my current girlfriend knew of him before she committed hersef to having a child with me. On more than one occasion during heated issues she has mentioned my sons name with absolute contempt even saying she hates him just to hurt me, but tonight I had enough and warned her to back down because it was'nt really appropriate given that I am about to miss another of his birthdays ( I lied he is 3 in 2 weeks ). She got upset and argued with me because I have a few of his things still and she voiced her opinion most agressively that she thought his things were garbage and we wouldnt use them for our child. Thats when she started talking about my son offensively, but I was also trying to calm her down not understanding her irrationality. I have told her that I will love all my children the same, that I would have no favourites. I have also told her that I really don't love my ex, in fact I detest her for taking my son. I have done nothing but reassure her but it seems she just thinks something then wholeheartedly believes it and then hates me because of something she has just imagined. She had a difficult marriage which ended in divource because he cheated. Well right now she is in the room crying and told me not to touch her, but heres why. In her aggressive state about 2 hours ago she hit me 3 times quite hard and even drew blood in a couple of places, now given she had just suddenly started getting quite annoyed with me for nearly an hour and abusing my son (revving me up beyond belief too, they always know the things to say to hurt you the most and its obviously intentional), having hit me 3 times I retaliated. My ex and I argued but we were never violent and I have never been violent with any other woman. I feel like an absolute heel, and someone is going to say so I should, well its moot I do and you cant even begin to imagine to .0001 of a degree how much. But the truth of the matter is she is so damn opinionated about stupid things like "oh another coffee?" to which I reply " well maybe I should have another woman instead, just like your ex" but she will put me down about anything ( the way she says it is derogitory ). I do love her but my ex had that baby depression thing and I can see a pattern. Yeah I know counselling etc, but if someone doesnt believe they have an issue and wont go even to save what we could have if we can build up trust again ( yeah its trust remember she struck first and right now it wouldnt put it past her to put a knife through my throat while I sleep, if you say I deserve it then I'm not listening ). I was wrong and so was she equally, given that she revved me up though and hit first perhaps she needs to take a little more responsibilty. But it annoys me too that she will waste my time all day by arguing, its not progressive and its nearly every day. Its the first time this has happened though ( the violence ) and its a real turning point. Sorry to take so much of your time, but thanks if you got this far.

Where's the button in your pole that says you get councelling? You're right about people who don't think they have an issue won't consider councelling.

I'm not saying she was right by any means but it's you that has chosen two women that you got pregnant and have ended up being in a crappy relationship with. Maybe some therapy for yourself will help you to see why you keep chooseing to do the same thing and not being able to learn from your choices and the consequence of your own actions.

You say she wastes your time all day by arguing. Well if you didn't argue back then how could it continue all day? I see you being estranged with yet another child.. Poor innocent babies that are subjected to crazy single mothers or having a two parent household that is totally dysfunctional.

I suggest you look into your own therapy and once you have some conscious insight into yourself, you may have a perfectly clear answer without a poll from strangers even needed.

Good luck. Think of your babies.

[bcgirl]

so what exactly happened. i don't quite understand. She hit you, so you hit her back?

[Wot2do]

Stuff yourself but empty yourself out of your mindless selfrightousness first. Your advice is pretty aggresive and you need counselling. Read it properly if thats not beyond your comprehension which it obviously is. Who thef/u/c/k are you to tell me to think of my kids, get a dog up ya scum. My son was kidnapped, how the fkn hell doyou know what I have been through over that and considering my current partner does know and you never will giving my 1st son crap is totally out of line and I wish I never layed a hand on my gf I wish it was you instead c/u/n/t. You dont DARE fkn tell me to think of my kids who the fk r u scum wad

[Wot2do]

it got heated after she abused verbally my 1st son by my ex and we have discussed between us how i didnt like it but when she gets moody and antogonistic she gets very very vindictive, she lashed out and drew blood and i did retaliate but all day she had been pushing my buttons on purpose, in sorry to her but why be sorry if she wont be, she really was the antagonist, walking away isnt an option when she follows me. Its now a trust thing and it was very uncharacteristic on my part. I am the kind of person who will ask her to stop arguing before the arguement goes on mindlessly and tell me her issue but she would rather argue, I regret this more than anyhting i have done in living memory

[bcgirl]

^ how bad was the abuse? How did you hit her? Did you leave markings?

[HeartIsAching]

Stuff yourself but empty yourself out of your mindless selfrightousness first. Your advice is pretty aggresive and you need counselling. Read it properly if thats not beyond your comprehension which it obviously is. Who thef/u/c/k are you to tell me to think of my kids, get a dog up ya scum. My son was kidnapped, how the fkn hell doyou know what I have been through over that and considering my current partner does know and you never will giving my 1st son crap is totally out of line and I wish I never layed a hand on my gf I wish it was you instead c/u/n/t. You dont DARE fkn tell me to think of my kids who the fk r u scum wad

Heh... how 'bout you take a 2nd look at this post? You have obvious anger issues. I suggest you re-read this:

I'm not saying she was right by any means but it's you that has chosen two women that you got pregnant and have ended up being in a crappy relationship with.

It's not aggressive at all for Wakeup to say that perhaps you should look into some yourself. Whether or not it was "all your fault" (and I'm sure it wasn't), you've got to accept some of the blame. Did it suck? You bet. Was it an awful thing for her to do to you? Of course it was, nobody's questioning that. It is however interesting to me that you went on the offensive the instant you didn't hear exactly what you wanted to hear.

[searock]

OP, I agree with the others: *you* need therapy as well. Do it for your kids.

[Wot2do]

Hey Im not the one telling people what they should think about their kids, my kids are not part of this issue so why bring them up. Think of my kids , ha my ex kidnapped the first one because she had that baby depression and Im seeing a pattern with my current gf getting upset and depressed about stupid menial crap. If I was angry it was in response to constantly being dogged for days. No I am not the one who needs help, read my initial post properly and do not comment on my children, she always does rather demeeningly. None have you have read my post properly, I have to get her to counselling. My last action was a final result of her violence its just a minor aspect of the situation. My last post here was a tirade directed at ANYONE who brings up my child and it was deserved, yeah I'm getting frustrated because so far noone can read or comprehend properly. Ineed to get her to see someone

[Wot2do]

Heh... how 'bout you take a 2nd look at this post? You have obvious anger issues. I suggest you re-read this:



It's not aggressive at all for Wakeup to say that perhaps you should look into some yourself. Whether or not it was "all your fault" (and I'm sure it wasn't), you've got to accept some of the blame. Did it suck? You bet. Was it an awful thing for her to do to you? Of course it was, nobody's questioning that. It is however interesting to me that you went on the offensive the instant you didn't hear exactly what you wanted to hear.

Of course it wasnt what I wanted to hear what I want to hear is how to explain my uncharacteristic response and make her realise her aggressiveness was very both verbally then physically was quite provactive, to get her not to provoke when she knows what she is doing. She says things like she hates my first son when she knows it upsets me immensly when she doesnt have to, its to provoke me. She does it out of vindictiveness. We have discussed it between ourselves calmly, last time she said it would stop. I never layed a hand on my ex and worked like a dog to support my ex and son before she ran off. I went through 18 months of extreme depression due to her stealing my son, I have taken measures to address that. Anyway its as if my current gf expects me to just forget about my first son by my ex. So yeah I am thinking of my child and the one my current gf is about to give me. I take extreme umbrage at being told I am not thinking of my son and I WILL take advice re my children as provocative and aggressive, its not what I am asking about. Read that users post after reading mine properly, it is complete insinuation at my character, my character is fine unless you bring up my kids. The issue is getting her to counselling not therapy (there is a difference) and of course I would be there too, geez think about it. The issue is how do I calm her down and get her to go.She gets aggressive when I bring it up, wake up and learn to read.

[IndiReloaded]

Other options:
1. Tell your medical doc you are having problems and get him/her to make the referral.

2. Go to court for custody of your children. If you don't think you can win, then you have issues and should definitely get counselling as suggested.

If you do think you can win, do so and insist on the counselling for your wife's issues. You can force people who are nuts to get help, you just have to be smarter and more determined than them.

Sorry, but once you have children the focus changes. As an adult, you are welcome to mess up your own life as you please. But your kids didn't ask for this dysfunctional mess. You have a responsibility to fix it. So does your wife (and GF), but if she's too unstable to do it, well, that's what you get for not using better birth control.

[HeartIsAching]

Of course it wasnt what I wanted to hear what I want to hear is how to explain my uncharacteristic response and make her realise her aggressiveness was very both verbally then physically was quite provactive, to get her not to provoke when she knows what she is doing. She says things like she hates my first son when she knows it upsets me immensly when she doesnt have to, its to provoke me. She does it out of vindictiveness. We have discussed it between ourselves calmly, last time she said it would stop. I never layed a hand on my ex and worked like a dog to support my ex and son before she ran off. I went through 18 months of extreme depression due to her stealing my son, I have taken measures to address that. Anyway its as if my current gf expects me to just forget about my first son by my ex. So yeah I am thinking of my child and the one my current gf is about to give me. I take extreme umbrage at being told I am not thinking of my son and I WILL take advice re my children as provocative and aggressive, its not what I am asking about. Read that users post after reading mine properly, it is complete insinuation at my character, my character is fine unless you bring up my kids. The issue is getting her to counselling not therapy (there is a difference) and of course I would be there too, geez think about it. The issue is how do I calm her down and get her to go.She gets aggressive when I bring it up, wake up and learn to read.

Again, your anger issues are obvious. Your response wasn't "uncharacteristic", it was indicative.

I can understand why your ex took your kid and ran - I'm not saying I thought it was right, but I can understand it. I hope you get help soon. Perhaps offering to get help in concert with your girlfriend in conjunction with couples counseling may help.

Bet you won't listen though.

[Wot2do]

yes after days of insults, insinuations and invalid accusations from her. She said some very hurtfull and provocative things immediatly prior to her hitting me which she knows is very upsetting to me. Though it was 12 hours ago and we have had a chance to talk but she will still refuse to see a counsellor, so back to my point of how to get her to go?

[IndiReloaded]

I already gave 2 suggestions in addition to your poll choices. Read again.

[Wot2do]

^ how bad was the abuse? How did you hit her? Did you leave markings?

yes after days of insults, insinuations and invalid accusations from her. She said some very hurtfull and provocative things immediatly prior to her hitting me which she knows is very upsetting to me. Though it was 12 hours ago and we have had a chance to talk but she will still refuse to see a counsellor, so back to my point of how to get her to go? Incidently i didnt she left markings. Of course im the guy im the pariah, im the one who has spent the last 3 days trying to calm her down and get to the bottom of her moodiness.