Why do I hurt so much?

[kindofalone]

My fiance and I just broke up after going out for five years. She was the first person that I ever truely loved. She was the only person that I had a relationship that lasted more the 6 months or so. Lately, I hadn't been very happy with the relationship. She wasn't around when I needed her. I didn't feel like she really cared to be with me. We hadn't talked in over a week. That was the longest time ever in the whole time we were going out. Then, she just called and said it was over. I innitially was not so hurt, as that whole week I was thinking of how to end things or make things better. I originally thought that in the long run, I was going to be much happier without her. Two days later, I am in so much pain that it is almost unbearable.

My issues with her were not new ones. We had discussed them in the past, and they never seemed to get completely resolved. I feel like I did so much more in the relationship. But I always felt that we would somehow figure a way through it. We had rough patches before and got through them.

For the most part, I understand that things weren't working out. I don't understand why she didn't try to innitiate any kind of talking or resolving our problems. She just decided to leave. She said that she just wasn't happy. No explanation, no reasoning at all. I thought after five years, she would have a better explanation. Why didn't she make more of an effort?

I feel like she met someone else. I know that it doesn't really matter, but like anyone, would just love to know. I wrote a long email explaining a lot of my feelings. She wrote back still just saying that she wasn't happy and that we would be better off without each other. She insisted that she would never cheat because she know how it feels to get cheated on. I feel like I know her so well, that she wouldn't have left if she didn't have something else going on. She just was that type of person. She really didn't have that many close friends.

I just so confused and hurt. What if I did call her in that week and just talked? Would we be broken up? If not, then should I call her and try to work on things or at least get a better explanation. For the last year, I was planning on spending the rest of my life with her.
Deep down, I keep telling myself I know this was probably the right thing, but why do I hurt so much right now? How long is this going to last? How can I make this go away?

[Steve2004]

How can I make this go away?

It's just hit me just how popular this question is among the ones that get broken up with. And it's bad news for every one of them. You can't make it go away. it has to settle on it's own. trying to make it go away only postpones the "recovery" process ...and it will take longer. sit it out. it'll hurt. but it'll be gone quicker.

[Junket]

Well, you know when somebody close to you dies?

It'll be like that.

But not as bad cause they're not dead...I'm assuming.

[Steve2004]

Well, you know when somebody close to you dies?

It'll be like that.

But not as bad cause they're not dead...I'm assuming.

oo, good comparison.

[Only-virgins]

WEll....I only read the first paragraph but I already know the perfect solution...here it goes... Tell one of your very strong friends to move back in front of you...then tell him to run as fast as he can and kick you in the balls....you won't remember her, this thread, or anything painful for a while...try it ..it works.

[Steve2004]

WEll....I only read the first paragraph but I already know the perfect solution...here it goes... Tell one of your very strong friends to move back in front of you...then tell him to run as fast as he can and kick you in the balls....you won't remember her, this thread, or anything painful for a while...try it ..it works.

this was one of my friend's solutions to everything as well..he was made fun of when he was a young boy. i'll only assume the same for you.

[Only-virgins]

this was one of my friend's solutions to everything as well..he was made fun of when he was a young boy. i'll only assume the same for you.

Come on tell the truth...do not be a shy boy....Is that friend really you? yea...I think it is.

[Steve2004]

Come on tell the truth...do not be a shy boy....

girl, game over. Play again.

Is that friend really you? yea...I think it is.

You've caught me :/

[Only-virgins]

girl, game over. Play again.


You've caught me :/

A girl named Steve? Honest mistake. Makes no difference.

[Steve2004]

My real name is Yolanda Buroskavich...It makes all the difference.

[Only-virgins]

My real name is Yolanda Buroskavich...It makes all the difference.

Come on tell the truth...do not be so shy....Is that friend really you? yea...I think it is.

There I worded it just for you.

[Steve2004]

Come on tell the truth...do not be so shy....Is that friend really you? yea...I think it is.

There I worded it just for you.

thank you.

Uhm, well, i guess my response didn't really change...so..

you've caught me.

[*konstantine*]

I've been going through a similar situation my boyfriend of 4 years just broke up with me...he said he needed time to be only his on blah blah blah and all that stuff, except he did tell me he met someone, he said he was confused and didn't know what to think.....after i found out the first week or so seemed unbearable, I was angry b/c i felt like he was just giving up on me, things weren't perfect but i always tried to work them out and felt that if he had concerns he should have talked to me....I don't know...its been really hard, we decided that we would not talk to one another for awhile...he said i confuse him and he thinks he wants me back when he talks to me but then i guess he wants to just be with this other girl and not be confused.....
not talking to him has really helped tho. you start to see things alot differently when they are not around....you may even find you don't her to explain why she left....I found that it got easier b/c we weren't talking i have been able to start accepting and move on with the way it ended....if you guys keep emailing each other right now then your always gonna to have something new to worry about...
I know everyone is probably telling you to do this right now but just try hanging out with friends, or watch funny movies.....do anything to get your mind off of it.....I know its hard right now, it makes me so sad to think that someone else is being hurt like i was but it will get better i promise, and just post on here anytime u feel upset....

[kindofalone]

Thanks for the comments. We had gone through what you are going through about a year and a half ago. I told her that I was confused. I regret making the decision to see someone else. I always thought I deserved better treatment. I did so much.
After about a month away from each other, she called late one night. She came over and we decided to try to get back together.
We never got over that break. In that little time, I had sex with another girl. She went out with her old boyfriend who she said she just happened to see a week after I told her I needed some time. She said she never had sex with him, but she blew him like 5 or 6 times. I just felt like I never got the truth. Looking back on it now, it guess it was a mistake to get engaged thinking that would help things. I don't know why I would think anything would change now. But it still hurts.

[*konstantine*]

kindofalone....

Its been a few days and these will definetly be the harest but i hope your starting to feel a little better. You said you broke up with her because you were putting in more of an effort and thought you deserved more.... I think being able to realize this while you were going out is good, I"m sure you did and do deserve more and just keep trying to remember that....

I think the harest thing is accepting that the person you love can't give you what you need and no amount of time will change that... you just have to accept that and move on and realize you will find someone who will give you want you want and need but don't settle for any less! I really can't tell you how long it will take to stop hurting b/c this is all so new to me...

I think it will really help though if you cut off all contact, just through reading other ppl.'s posts it seems like its the quickest (not easiest) way to move on... I found that since I don't have any contact with my ex i have been able to work on accepting how it ended(as much as i hate the way it did) and what it was at that point...there's notthing new to confuse me.....

Also after a bit of time apart I was able to look at the relationship exactly for what it was...It seemed like I always put him on this pedestal but after sometime apart I realized i was the one always trying.... I've done all I can and I find comfort in that....it seems like you were also the one always trying and i know its hard b/c u feel like the person u love has given up on you but would you want them if they did? What would have happened if they decided this 10 yrs. down the road??
I don't really know that much about the details but it seems like your a really nice guy who cares alot about her but I think you deserve more of an explaination but sometimes we can never get that b/c the ppl. we love don't even know why they do the things they do.....
I don't know....this was my first serious realtionship and my first real break up so I'm just learning as i go along but I hope this helps.....