confused lad

[lad]

I'm not getting it. I heard, read, and personally believed that I needed to extend myself and interact more with ladies--and that's what I'm doing, flirting, smiling, and asking them out. I do that with many types of ladies--ones I'm not really into, ones I am into, and others I don't think I have a chance with. However, I'm just not receiving the hints or whatever subtle messages that I believe happens when a girl is interested in you or when I think she wants you to ask her out.

There's this one girl whom I thought I might be a good match with. I know her from the store she works at, I see her in school, her brother is one of my classmates, and my friends like/approve of her too. Whenever I run into her at her work or school, we chat, she doesn't try to run away or hide, she even asked me to sit by her in the computer lab one time, when I wanted to leave before I thought she would hint at me to leave. I'm cool with her brother, and I think he approves of me. Physically, I think her and I are the same, we're both attractive and both have our obvious flaws. Not to sound off the wall, but I'm thinking if she ever wanted to find somebody who is marriage material, here's a possibility. However, when I invited her to my sister's friend's july 4th party, this friday, she said she had to ask her mom first (she's 22), and the store she work's at doesn't close until 7pm. She said, she'll let me know. I was like "What? You don't even have any way of contacting me. The only way I would know that is if I went to the store you worked at or we ran into each other in school". I didn't show that emotion, however, that's what was running through my mind. It's perfectly okay though, cause I kinda thought she might decline, since I never really got any hint from her for me to ask her out. What've been cool though was that if she'd ask me for my phone number or email, so she can actually get back to me, but that never happened. So, I'm wondering how can I really tell when someone's really interested in me (not ambivalent, wishy-washy or whatever)

[IceQueen]

So, I'm wondering how can I really tell when someone's really interested in me (not ambivalent, wishy-washy or whatever

I think you got it right (I mean by what you wrote - "What've been cool though was that if she'd ask me for my phone number or email, so she can actually get back to me, but that never happened," you already can distinquish that very well). I'd say she is ambivalent or wishy-washy.
But. Maybe she's only ambivalent because she doesn't know you well enough to want to spend time with you?

Physically, I think her and I are the same, we're both attractive and both have our obvious flaws.

See, if you want her for marriage material, how come you're only looking at "physically"?

[lad]

IceQueen,

Actually, I wasn't really into her in the beginning, physical or otherwise. I would usually go to the store where she worked at, bought what I needed and went home, and didn't really care whether I got a chance to talk with her or not.

Though, in addition to the physical attraction, I actually find her attractive in other ways too. She works hard, always at the store helping her family. She seems family oriented and grounded. She's educated (or in school) and seems to have goals. She's religious.

I guess one of the reason why I mention about marriage is because I'm not just some off the wall stranger guy that she hardly even knows. I'm cool with her brother, my friends like her, and she seems like a good girl, and I think I'm a good catch. Sometimes, I think her brother who's a classmate of mine talk's about me in a good light with her (for example, she knows that I do well in school, the only way she'd know that is through her brother). So, here's a situation for her to get to know a decent guy, yet I feel like I don't have a chance. I always thought, whether girl or guy, when you meet someone who's good or decent, that's what you go for.

[shafkore]

lad, I think I may have your answer for you.

First of all, I think you need to understand something. If she was going to lie to you (about really not wanting to go with you) I highly doubt she would use the excuse of 'having to ask her mother.'

I am going to ask you to do some research first of all.
1) What religion is she ?
2) Of what culture is she ?
3) Has she ever had a boyfriend before ?
4) Has her brother ever had a girlfriend before ?

I ask these questions because, maybe this whole thing is a cultural issue. It sounds very familiar to me, because I was once in the circumstances you are in. Yes, she was 20+ and yes, she REALLY did have to ask her mother's permission. A lot of cultures don't allow a girl (or boy depending, however usually girls) to date before they are serious about marriage.

You said they have a family-run business ? Another sign of over-protection by the parents for the reason of attempting to stop assimilation of their children by the general culture.

I say, don't take it personal until you are sure of what the circumstances are. It could be the total opposite of what you expect. Maybe she REALLY does like you, but not enough to flip her house upside down to see you (due to family/culture values).
And also, you said she was a very religios girl. This may tie in with her culture.

Snoop around, ask some questions.