FALLING in love with a person while BEING in love with another?

[bluebluesky]

Hi all,

I never thought this would happen to me personally, or that I would post this query online, but I dont know who I can ask /tell this to. It's driving me up the wall and some thoughts and opinions would be greatly appreciated!

Is it possible to fall in love with a person while being in love with another?

I've been with my current boyfriend for a few years now, and while it's a long-distance relationship (we do see each other every 2 weeks), things between us are great. I am happy with him, I care about him, I love him for everything that he is and I am willing to be there for him through thick and thin, just as what he's done for us in the past few years.

A few months ago, I met a single guy through mutual friends of ours. It started off innocent enough - chatting online, going out as a group, etc. But somehow our closeness quickly escalated - we just have so much to talk about between us! It was evident we enjoy each other's company. I find myself thinking about him whenever he's not around, and saw him nearly everyday during Christmas holidays - he took me out to meet his other groups of friends, his family, going to parties, etc. My boyfriend knew about this and was okay with it.

But somewhere along all that time spent together, I fell in love with the guy. I say "fell in love" because it feels much deeper than just a "like" or "infatuation" - there is a connection between us that I cant quite explain. He makes me feel special; that giddy, excited feeling people feel in the initial stages of dating. The last time I felt that way was towards my boyfriend a few years back. I love our current level of intimacy, but to be honest I do miss that "giddy and excited" feeling. And that feeling is something my boyfriend can never give me again because we are already way past that stage.

The guy I fell in love with is an all-around nice gentleman. He treats women with respect, is loyal to his friends, and is not afraid to talk about his feelings. Naturally, he's got a lot of girls after him. But surprisingly, he is not interested in any because he is secretly in love with a girl whom he has known since he was a kid - he tells me about her all the time, how he is holding his heart out for her even though she is not his, how much he loves her, and it hurts to hear him talk about her like that! Obviously, under this circumstance - me being in a relationship, and the single him loving someone else - there is no way he will have feelings for me. Yet I'm not convinced our friendship is truly platonic - there are times I know he saw me different. Sometimes he'll compliment me in a way that a boyfriend would do to his girl (i.e. compliments that you just won't say if you are just platonic friends). We talk about "touchy" topics like sexuality and whatnot. We'd get into play fights too, tickling each other until we both end up in hysterics on the floor. Platonic friends don't do that, do they????

Our group of mutual friends tease me and that guy about how we "act like a couple" whenever we are together. They think it's cuz we are good friends. And we are - except from my end, I feel more towards him than just "friends". The only thing that is keeping me from going further is the fact that I know my heart belongs to my boyfriend.

I don't even know what I should do about this... just want to hear what everyone else thinks of this situation...

[KirstyM]

It sounds more like your heart belongs to this friend guy rather than your boyfriend.

I think you need to look at your current relationship - forget about the friend, and just focus on the relationship. Work out if it's really what you want, where it's going, if youre really in love with him, if there's any future - you cant stay long distance forever.

You also have to look carefully at your friendship. Do you want to be with this guy? Can you see yourself having a future with him?

I dont really believe you can be in love with two people at the same time - so it's up to you to work out which one you are in love with.

[DeadbyNature]

well, that's a very complicated story... I actually don't know what to say about the man you are starting to like exept that everyone has that especial friend that's always playing with us, making us laugh and happy, thats acts like our girlfriend (in my case)etc... but most of the time that special friend is nothing more than that, a special friend or colorful friend... I guess that's the way he feels about you. What i just said ain't new to you but i think that you are with lots of doubts and maybe you should talk with your boyfriend about that and ask him for some time to think about your case... because before you know it, you might be hurting your boyfriend...
I just don't know... i'm just a stupid teen from a stupid country...

[PKsEvolution]

your just getting bored of your gone-off boyfriend and want some new fresh meat who happens to tingle your tastebuds...tis natural

[Chlorine]

Bluebluesky------In response to your last line, I think the answer is "don't do anything".

If you want to do something, you will have to break off your current relationship first, before hopping into the next one. Otherwise it just gets messy and someone ie. your boyfriend is going to get hurt.

The new guy sounds charming. I think I know the type. They say stuff that makes you feel special, they pay you alot of attention and they make you feel #1. This guy knows you like him, because it's obvious in your behaviour. You respond to his remarks on sexuality and you play fight with him. He's teasing you.

You're losing control and letting your emotions get the better of you. The guy says he is in love with someonelse, a long lost love. They often use this line as a defence.

[tma]

bluebluesky,
Always go where ur heart tells you to.
Consider your "current boyfriend" and the "single guy" being there at the same time in the place your living. Who is the person you want to be with? That settles what you want to do. The long-distance relationship complicates things but it should not be what you base your decision on.