4th Date at My Place: Initiating Physical Contact/Kissing

[Mikey T]

I invited a woman over for supper tonight in what will be our fourth date. We've yet to make any physical contact but she's always happy to join me when I call her about setting up a date and stated after our last one that I should let her know if I'd like to do something again. I'm rather inexperienced in dating and have never invited a woman over to my house. I might initiate kissing but I don't want to make a move unless given some physical signs of interest. But maybe she just doesn't really give signs. She's talkative, jokey, and polite but hasn't been at all flirty so far. According to her online dating profile (how I met her) she answered "3-5 dates" to the hypothetical question of how many dates would it take for you to have sex with someone that you really like, so I'd hope by now that kissing her wouldn't be too risky. She's still on the dating site every night, but I know that she prefers dating multiple people at once, she's a very mellow homebody, and that she's only been on the site for a few weeks, so she might just be bored and curious when she's home alone after work.

Any advice on how to approach this date is greatly appreciated.

[inflorescence]

Maybe she's waiting for you to make the first move physically, I'm a very outgoing girl but I still like it when the guy makes the first move.. shows me they're interested. If she's coming over to your house on a Friday night for dinner she's interested. If she wasn't she wouldnt put her self in that position.. we know what can happen at someone's house

[Mikey T]

Thank you, inflorescence. I see what you mean about making a move. I guess I just want to be able to observe signs of interest as we approach 'the moment'. Maybe at this point they don't really matter unless I see something glaringly negative (her drawing back from my closeness), but as you said, she should know what she's potentially in for and I don't see why withdrawal like that would happen. Unless she's disgusted by my house or something, but I think I cleaned it up pretty well...

[oneandonly]

....Unless she's disgusted by my house or something......

LOL!

I also think that if she wasn't interest in any potential intimacy, she wouldn't put herself in that position. May not be a full on sex she has in mind but she is most probably open to some physical touching and kissing.

She's happy to come over to your house so relax and go with the flow....

Good luck!

[vashti]

Yeah, you'd better do SOMETHING tonight. Otherwise, you might end up "friend-zoned".

[Mikey T]

Yeah, you'd better do SOMETHING tonight. Otherwise, you might end up "friend-zoned".

Precisely. It's hard not to be a little nervous as the hour approaches. I'm starting to feel a little like I'm backed against the wall; I'll have to force myself to make a damn move. And I thought this was suppose to be enjoyable. Ugh.

I suppose I'll cool off once I'm in the swing of things. Hopefully. But I also had some stuff end badly in recent weeks with different girl and I think that's diffusing me a little, like I don't deserve to be dating. I'm a little conflicted.

[Mikey T]

Well if I do say so myself, I think I kicked ass Friday night. Dinner was nice and we had a great time. She stayed much longer than she planned and now she's having me over to her place this week. We didn't go "all the way," but I think the possibility for next time is strong.

Maybe I shouldn't be fretting about it so early on, but if we 'do the deed', I definitely want to date her exclusively and am pretty sure she'd feel the same. Should this happen, I wonder if I should mention/suggest deactivating our dating profiles? I know I'm just being hypothetical, but I'm curious how most people handle this. I know she prefers dating multiple people at once; although, considering how open her schedule is when I call, I doubt she's been dating much of anyone besides me. But she's a mellow homebody, not terribly adventurous, so she definitely does not seem like a casual sex kind of girl who'd think little of being in bed with multiple guys at once.

[oneandonly]

You have a lot of assumptions about her.

It's best to let all out and see where each of you stands. What's your view and her view on 'relationship and sex'? For all you know, her preferring dating multiple people at once may include sex. It may not. It's not about right or wrong but finding out more about each other and see if you both are on the same page.

Casual conversation about relationship and sex would lead both of you to an opportunity to find out each other's expectations?!