Boyfriend Lacks Independence

[Anonymiss]

Hello,

I'm going to be talking to my boyfriend about this tonight but I'm concerned with his lack of independence. He's 23, never worked a day in his life, doesn't know how to do laundry, he doesn't cook, lives with his parents, his dad is putting him through university and doesn't have his own car despite his (my boyfriends) excessive wealth. I am poor so obviously I am extremely jealous, I don't deny it. But his absolute lack of independence worries me because if we do move in one day he isn't going to have any life skills at all. Girls: what would you think of this situation? How can I gently encourage him to be more independent? Is this even possible? It seems pretty bitchy to demand for him to be more independent...

This sorta came to a head because we had planned the day-schedule for my university graduation weeks in advance. First we'd go for lunch, go to the ceremony, I get my diploma blah blah. I had been looking forward to this for months. He showed up at my house an hour late, I never got a chance to eat, and I was literally one or two minutes from being locked out of the convention hall. Anyways, because he doesn't have his own car him and his dad share, so his dad wanted to go shopping for something last minute (not related to my ceremony, he wanted a tie or something), regardless his dad needed the car, and that's why we almost missed my ceremony. He never called to tell me he'd be late either.

Note: I don't have a car because I cant afford one, I've been putting myself through school and living on my own.

Thanks for reading,

[dunnowhy]

hey,
looks like u and your boyfriend don't communicate everything,and that will cause problems for u.
you should be able to tell your boyfriend what you have in your mind without hesitating or being indirect,and him taking it in a good constructive way. also, you are not being bitchy. He's a 23 year old man, he should start learning to manage his own life and being responsible.So,as his girlfriend it is your duty to make him realize this.
You could try telling him how much u care about him and worry for him,and then tell how one of your worries is that he isn't independent.
Men are creatures with lots of self esteem, but when their lover tells it to them in a concerned way,their heart melts and they give in.
Good luck!

[BoredGeorge]

Stop whinging, give him what he wants sexualyl ALL THE TIME and be a nice girlfriend, maybe then he'll marry you and you can share the families wealth. Childish girlish thoughts abut independanace at age 23 are just childish and silly. There will be plenty of time for that later. Being from a poor family you should have more respect for your betters. His famility worked hard to become wealthy and yoursdidn't so you should show him more respect. By the sounds of things he does not care much about you anyway, but you should still be more respectful, just because you decided not to be with your family and support yourself does not mean others must make the same decision. Also a return on college is minimal. If you are from a poor family perhaps you should drop that idea and get a job in administration. Lots of people with college degrees apply for these roles but if you go into it 100% dedicated to be an assistant for life I think you would seem more dedicated and still have a chance. I think that would be a suitable role for a (pretty ?) woman from a poor family. And then you could be with your family and find a poor working man to date, perhaps a truck driver or plumber ? He can then get on with his life and find a suitably intelligent girl with a college education from a well of family that has worked hard and is not lazy like poor people. That way he can forefill his need for education without being pressured to support a woman already.

[Lipp]

BoredGeorge, no one should ever listen to your "advice", fück off and deal with your own cascade of issues and idiocy.

[BoredGeorge]

BoredGeorge, no one should ever listen to your "advice", fück off and deal with your own cascade of issues and idiocy.

Sigh. I give good productive advice and this is the thanks I get ?

[Lipp]

Sigh. I give good productive advice and this is the thanks I get ?

1234567890

[BoredGeorge]

1234567890

uuum a 23 year old college student whinging that her 23 year old boyfriend who has wealthy parents is not sluming it like her ?

I mean cmon... if I had a rich gf I'd not be telling her she should move out and slum it ... wtf, I work hard my whole life so that my kids won't have to struggle. Yes you should respect wealthy people, they worked damned hard.

[smackie9]

Hello,

I'm going to be talking to my boyfriend about this tonight but I'm concerned with his lack of independence. He's 23, never worked a day in his life, doesn't know how to do laundry, he doesn't cook, lives with his parents, his dad is putting him through university and doesn't have his own car despite his (my boyfriends) excessive wealth. I am poor so obviously I am extremely jealous, I don't deny it. But his absolute lack of independence worries me because if we do move in one day he isn't going to have any life skills at all. Girls: what would you think of this situation? How can I gently encourage him to be more independent? Is this even possible? It seems pretty bitchy to demand for him to be more independent...

This sorta came to a head because we had planned the day-schedule for my university graduation weeks in advance. First we'd go for lunch, go to the ceremony, I get my diploma blah blah. I had been looking forward to this for months. He showed up at my house an hour late, I never got a chance to eat, and I was literally one or two minutes from being locked out of the convention hall. Anyways, because he doesn't have his own car him and his dad share, so his dad wanted to go shopping for something last minute (not related to my ceremony, he wanted a tie or something), regardless his dad needed the car, and that's why we almost missed my ceremony. He never called to tell me he'd be late either.

Note: I don't have a car because I cant afford one, I've been putting myself through school and living on my own.

Thanks for reading,

You can't make a boy become a man over night. Finding another BF would be the best thing for you, because you have better things to do with your life that to babysit him. All he is going to do is hold you back.

[Anne Dickinson]

Hi Anonymiss,

You seem a hard working girl who fights for what she needs. There is no problem about being wealthy; nevertheless everyone should be independent and not lazy. He seems a bit lazy and someone who doesn’t need to make any effort to get things. You must talked to him in a gentle way and tell him that in a relationship everyone must make an effort so that the burden gets lighter for both sides. Stop to shop with his father before your big ceremony that was so important for you is just a sign of superficiality and he was not giving you the importance you have in his life. Although he has not been fighting to get independence and things in his life (maybe their parents have worked a lot, but apparently not him), he has to fight everyday to keep your relation healthy and beneficial for both of you. Don’t let him treat you like a thing that he just earned with no fight or sacrifice. You deserve more than this. Your work, your effort, your independent spirit is worth 100000000000000000x more than his lazy life. Money is just a small part of life and wealth is not equal to happiness at all. He has to see you as a valuable person who works her but of to get what he wants and needs. Just talk to him honestly. If you do love him you have to tell him how you feel and help him to get some strength to have more control over his life and over the product of his work and effort.

[Anne Dickinson]

BoredGeorge
Oh my!!!!!!!lolololololollololol!!!

You must be really bored with your own life! lolololol
How old are you?? 170????Lolololololol
What a closed, ridiculous, straight mind you have! Lolololol!
I am not arguing with you, as when you argue with idiots you put yourself in the same level. I have never read anything so worthless reading. At least I had a good laugh!

[Anonymiss]

Thanks for your support and the BoredGeorge humour. I ended up having a chat with him and he didn't take the talk too well haha, my intention wasn't to be bitchy but I ended up hurting his pride anyway He also said that his last girlfriend had a similar complaint. It looks like he's going to take a few steps to be more independent by getting his own car!

[Sixpacj]

Stop whinging, give him what he wants sexualyl ALL THE TIME and be a nice girlfriend, maybe then he'll marry you and you can share the families wealth. Childish girlish thoughts abut independanace at age 23 are just childish and silly. There will be plenty of time for that later. Being from a poor family you should have more respect for your betters. His famility worked hard to become wealthy and yoursdidn't so you should show him more respect. By the sounds of things he does not care much about you anyway, but you should still be more respectful, just because you decided not to be with your family and support yourself does not mean others must make the same decision. Also a return on college is minimal. If you are from a poor family perhaps you should drop that idea and get a job in administration. Lots of people with college degrees apply for these roles but if you go into it 100% dedicated to be an assistant for life I think you would seem more dedicated and still have a chance. I think that would be a suitable role for a (pretty ?) woman from a poor family. And then you could be with your family and find a poor working man to date, perhaps a truck driver or plumber ? He can then get on with his life and find a suitably intelligent girl with a college education from a well of family that has worked hard and is not lazy like poor people. That way he can forefill his need for education without being pressured to support a woman already.

hahahaha that was funny actually. you overdid the sarcasm part, a little bit, but otherwise I enjoyed your post ;-)

do you have an opinion as regards OP's question? I'd say if she doesn't like her BF being rich, or from a rich family, she can always try to find a poor BF... whadaya think BoredGeorge?

[smackie9]

Thanks for your support and the BoredGeorge humour. I ended up having a chat with him and he didn't take the talk too well haha, my intention wasn't to be bitchy but I ended up hurting his pride anyway He also said that his last girlfriend had a similar complaint. It looks like he's going to take a few steps to be more independent by getting his own car!

Oh good lord! Really? *shakes head*

[Boisdevie]

A car will NOT make him more independent. Dump the idiot - he is not worth your time

[Fru]

Wow, I would be SUPER pissed if I were you. I mean come on ... your university graduation and he almost screws it up because he can't take matters into his own hands??

Something kind of similar happened to me once with my ex, who wasn't exactly the independent type either (though he did work for a living). It was voting day, and I was at his house. I wanted to get home so I could go vote in my electoral district. He assured me he could drive me there in time for me to vote, because no doubt his parents would get home in time with the car (that he usually borrowed, because he didn't have his own car). Well, guess what. They didn't get home in time, for whatever reason, and so I couldn't go and vote. I was inwardly quite upset, but I tried not to show it at the time. He was extremely sorry and remorseful, but that didn't change the fact that I didn't get to put my vote in and it was pretty much his doing.

It was even more irksome because earlier in the day I had walked up to his voting location with him so he could put in his vote -- for the first time ever, despite being 25, I might add.

Moral of the story? It's going to cause problems unless you let him know that he's got to start stepping up and acting like his own person for once. It's not being "bitchy" to tell him he's got to grow up a little, it's just being realistic and honest. Unless you want to do his laundry, cooking, and everything else for him, he's going to have to learn to do this stuff on his own.

I'm like you ... putting myself through school, poor, etc. : ) I know how it feels. Though my ex and his family weren't rich, he did live with them and even got his lunch packed for him sometimes, or whatever, and so it sometimes felt that he was still dependant on his parents, whereas I had been making my own lunches since I was a kid, and had been living on my own for ages (even having lived and worked in another country without the help of my parents).

I can see how it will cause problems, for sure. I think one independent spirit needs another, or the independent person will end up doing all the work while the dependent one kicks back and never learns what it's like to fend for oneself.

I hope the talk went well!