How to figure out if my good female "friend" interested or not

[Kaiju]

A while ago I went on several dates with a girl I met online. We got along very well, had a lot in common, kissed after the 2nd and 3rd dates. I was starting to develop feelings for her after the 3rd date and I suspect the same was true for her. But after that last date, she went to visit family over the weekend and when she came back I got the typical "let's just be friends" message. Her reasoning was that even though she thought I was great and really liked me, our plans for the future/family were different. She wants to have kids soon but I'm not very keen on it (though I said I might change my mind in the right situation). She said she was serious about wanting to stay friends and hoped we'd still hang out. I acknowledged her message said "sure let's do that" and didn't talk to her for a month, expecting that to be it.

About a month later I texted her, just asking her how things were going, etc. She responded the next day and we ended up having a 3-4 hour conversation. Since then (it's been a couple of months) we've spend every day having hours long IM chats in the evening until we go to bed. What's interesting that, aside from my original text, most of these conversations are initiated by her. When we were going on dates she never did the initiating. We also see each other frequently and have outings with her friends and by ourselves.

We talk about how awful OkCupid is (where we met) and make fun of some of the weirdos we encounter there. It's clear that she's not having any luck dating, and she's told me about some of the guys she has dated (horrible), yet I don't understand why she ended things with me. We get along great, make each other laugh, and have the same interests.

So...I have to wonder what's up with this. Does she just want to be friends, or is she interested in rekindling things? I know she doesn't have any other male friends and I sure as hell don't spend that much time (4 hrs a night) chatting with people I consider "just a friend." She's not very open with her emotions so if she were interested, I don't think she would make the first move.

Is there a way that I can find out if she's interested in being anything more without completely wrecking things? Should I just lay it out and risk wrecking things? Or....should I just let it be and enjoy our "friendship?" I initially had planned on just being friends with her, expanding my social circle, and hopefully being introduced do someone else through her. This hasn't happened, and she's basically said all of her friends aren't on the market or are "not so great" for me. So...

[smackie9]

Ya just ask her.

[HeartIsAching]

Smackie's got it.

Communicate.

[Kaiju]

Ha, easier said than done. "Hey I know we were just taking about the merits of various Star Trek series, but I fee that I should confess my feelings for you and ask you to get with me. Gurl." Ok...I'll try, somehow.

[HeartIsAching]

So...I have to wonder what's up with this. Does she just want to be friends, or is she interested in rekindling things?

It needn't be difficult. Just ask this.

hopefully being introduced do someone else through her. This hasn't happened, and she's basically said all of her friends aren't on the market or are "not so great" for me. So...

This is controlling, and you should point it out to her. She doesn't get to make relationship decisions for you. You're a big boy and can decide for yourself whether or not somebody is right for you.

[smackie9]

I agree but re word it like "So...I was wondering what's up with you talking to me and all. Do you still just want to be friends, or are you interested in rekindling things?

Why wait to be introduced? If she says you are just friends then you can reply by saying " Well I'm kinda interested in your friend Tracy, you think you could set me up?"