What are you thinking when you:

[Acer93E]

1) Tell a guy to call you, and when he does, you don't answer and you don't call back. Even when you have a history together.

2) When you actually do see this guy, you talk with him, flirt, laugh, like all is well.


What's the purpose? What's a guy supposed to think when the girl he supposedly had something going on with seems to have to decide when he's important enough to focus her attention on at her own convenience?

This is what's happening to me. I'm not going to try to put reasons behind her behavior, but I'm not going to ignore it. This seems to be a cycle. There are periods where she's hitting me up to hang out, and there are times where she simply ignores me, particularly when I'M the one trying to initiate something. If not in person, we usually end up talking on Facebook chat late at night because I don't have texting on my phone. When she initiates conversation, she rants and raves, makes jokes, and is extremely friendly. When I initiate conversation, I get half-assed, apathetic responses and sometimes no responses at all. So I stop putting in an effort and just forget about her until I hear from her again.

And I probably shouldn't take internet conversations so seriously, but there's something that hits a bad nerve when you're already talking for an hour, and soon as you say "Lets go get something to eat sometime. We can go to (wherever)" the conversation goes dead.

I've known this girl for years. SHE was the one who initiated anything even close to resembling what could be a romantic relationship. And now she's jerking me around like I'm some kind of putz. Or at least that's the impression I'm getting.

[pisces25]

She doesn't want a relationship with you but loves the attention. When she doesn't hear from you for a while it makes her contact you for an ego boost. If you are the one to contact her she doesn't get such a boost as she knows she's got ya. She is playing games with you. Why let her?

[Acer93E]

I'm just trying to figure out what my next move should be. I could start just ignoring her. Or I could call her out on her nonsense and ruin a friendship. That's not to say it seems to be too healthy of a friendship to start with, but still.

I'm considering either playing it safer and asking her one last time if she'd want to go out sometime, or going all in and putting myself out there to tell her I actually care about her and ask her what her thoughts are. Sick, isn't it? She treats me like an option but I still care.

[smackie9]

You are not the only one she is doing this to.....she contacts you when she is bored or doesn't have the attention of someone else. Don't fall into her attention whore trap....ditch her.

She treats you like an option and you take this bs? it's because you desire the most of what you can't have.

[Acer93E]

It's funny you mention she does it to others...I've met them. They seem to have no chance of being anything other than led on at this point. And even if either of the two of them were around, she'd still give me all the normal attention she gave me when this whole thing first started...complimenting me, comparing others to me (in a good way), coming to sit next to me if there was an open seat, getting all flirty and touchy. It's weird, which is why I can't be certain of what exactly is going on here. I'm attracted to her because of how we interact in person. In any other way, she's either hot or cold.

One thing I've thought of is that she's unsure of how I feel, that she could be wondering just as much as I am. I'm a naturally impassive person. It's hard for me to express feelings in a way that others understand. She's even told me how ambiguous my personality is and that she doesn't know what I'm thinking...so it's possible I might be giving HER the same unclear signals.

For now I'm choosing to keep my distance to wait for her to contact me. But I feel a conversation about this is in the near future. This all started in late January...a talk is long over-due.

[inflorescence]

1) Tell a guy to call you, and when he does, you don't answer and you don't call back. Even when you have a history together.

2) When you actually do see this guy, you talk with him, flirt, laugh, like all is well.
.

Strictly my opinion...

#1: Depends on her circumstance. I know when I use to take a full course load and work 3 jobs it was hard to call people back, didn't mean I wasn't interested. On the other hand I have in some instances said call me to be polite. If she is interested in you and you have made the effort with the ball in her court if she's not doing anything, she's not interested.

#2: If she does contact you out of the blue and then goes MIA for awhile after for no real reason there probably are other people in the picture and is trying to see what she wants. She's checking the field and wants the positive attention from you if she's not getting it from someone else. We like to be liked/adored... (who doesn't?) That's why she's flirting with you when she sees you. If you were her number 1 choice she would be messaging you, and getting back to you almost all of the time. Even when life is crazy people will make time for that which is important.

She really could just be busy though, she could just not be emotionally available... maybe she has baggage? You would know more then I would here.. does she have children?

[Acer93E]

This is the second time she's gone cold like this, which means my part in this is done. I don't want to invest any more energy into something where the feeling just isn't mutual.

She doesn't have kids (we're both 20) and I always try to contact her at a time when I know she's not working or in classes. The last time I called her was a time when I knew for certain she wasn't busy and when she knew that I knew she wasn't busy...and the time before that was on her day off - the day she TOLD me to call her to hang out. She doesn't answer or return calls, so screw her. I could message her on Facebook, but for some reason I feel inclined not to. I feel like it would satisfy her ego too much to know that the guy she led on twice is still trying to talk to her. Besides, she's made no effort in contacting me anyway. Something tells me she'll try talking to me again at some point, but I'm not sure what to do when/if she does...if I should ignore her, call her out on her bullsh*t, or just play it off like it's no big deal but not bother pursuing her anymore.

As for there being other people in the picture, there are a lot of guys in her circle of friends, but I don't know what she thinks of them.

[smackie9]

As for there being other people in the picture, there are a lot of guys in her circle of friends, but I don't know what she thinks of them.

She feels the same way with all of you.....if there was anyone special enough for her she wouldn't single now would she.

[Wakeup]

This is the second time she's gone cold like this, which means my part in this is done. I don't want to invest any more energy into something where the feeling just isn't mutual.

She doesn't have kids (we're both 20) and I always try to contact her at a time when I know she's not working or in classes. The last time I called her was a time when I knew for certain she wasn't busy and when she knew that I knew she wasn't busy...and the time before that was on her day off - the day she TOLD me to call her to hang out. She doesn't answer or return calls, so screw her. I could message her on Facebook, but for some reason I feel inclined not to. I feel like it would satisfy her ego too much to know that the guy she led on twice is still trying to talk to her. Besides, she's made no effort in contacting me anyway. Something tells me she'll try talking to me again at some point, but I'm not sure what to do when/if she does...if I should ignore her, call her out on her bullsh*t, or just play it off like it's no big deal but not bother pursuing her anymore.

As for there being other people in the picture, there are a lot of guys in her circle of friends, but I don't know what she thinks of them.

Good for you.. It's nice to hear from a guy that has enough self-respect to stop this in it's tracks...

And now she's jerking me around like I'm some kind of putz.

.. As my late brother used to say "Eff her and the horse she rode in on."

[smackie9]

Now you know there is no excuse for this hot and cold behavior. Just know that there is no missed opportunity missed if you walk away because there never was one.

[Acer93E]

I've seen her while hanging out among a group of friends for these past couple of nights, and I purposefully haven't been making any effort to reach out to her. If we spoke to each other, it was because she said something to me first. I don't feel bitter or anything, I just didn't really want to interact with her. Though I would catch her looking at me from time to time, sometimes when she was talking and other times when she was just sitting there.

I can't be sure if it's related to any of this, but as she was sitting there after about an hour or so, she mentioned how she was "suddenly depressed." She didn't look at anyone when she said this, and nobody asked why and she didn't state a reason, so I just ignored it.

She also told me she missed me since the last time she saw me (the time before she started ignoring me again). I automatically took that as a crock of shit. The highlight of all of this was her telling me how her friend has the hots for me, which I thought was disgusting. She's gross. Not only in appearance, but she's just a nasty a person.

[smackie9]

So what is your take on that? Do you feel she wanted to make sure you felt disgusted as a way to get at you? Don't play into her games....you will only let her win.

[Acer93E]

I don't think she had any malicious intentions in telling me that...not at all. It was something we all laughed about.

She's a nice girl(her friend). But I'd never do anything remotely sexual with her.

[smackie9]

You went from " She's gross. Not only in appearance, but she's just a nasty a person. " to "She's a nice girl(her friend)." You just contradicted yourself. Seriously.....you go from I'm not putting up with this crap from her anymore to "I don't think she had any malicious intentions in telling me that...not at all." Weak.

[Acer93E]

There's no contradiction...She's nice to talk to. But she sleeps around. And she's not exactly physically attractive. Hence my choice of words.

And I don't see what's weak about not seeing everything this girl says or does as some sort of an attack on my ego or what have you. What possible satisfaction could she get at my expense by me telling her I didn't want to shag her best friend?