Hey!

[confusius]

Ok, I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post this, but I'm going for it. I have been here since last year when my ex and I separated. It wasn't a clean breakup, at least to me, and I tried several times to get her back. Anyway I'm not here for it at all. I'm beyond it. And yes people it gets better (just saying!)

I met this girl and she is in my finance class. The truth is I had noticed her before around campus and I thought she was really beautiful. I never talked to her and I barely saw her on campus until to my big surprise I walked in the finance class one day and she was sitting there. Man, I couldn't stop looking at her lol. I sat right next to her and didn't say anything. So the third day I just turned around and asked her what was her name. She told me, asked mine and we started chatting. She was really friendly with me and all. I could keep it inside and I just busted out "You're REALLY beautiful". She looked at me and smile and said thank you. After class she waited for me and we walked out together. Since then we have been doing it; she will wait for me and I'll walk her to her next class which is in the same building right after finance.

Now where is the problem? and why am I here? Well she is Muslim. She wears a hijab and all. I don't mind the hijab at all. I actually think it adds some sort of "charme" to her look; and beside I'm used to it. Although she wears a hijab, she doesn't wear very conservative cloths. I mean she mostly wear some leggings, spandex. I asked her out once she accepted, but then told me that as a Muslim girl we can't hang out just the both of us. I completely understand so I told her it was fine. She said she appreciates it and that she finds it hard to convey sometimes since a lot of people seem not to understand where she is coming from in term of her believes, but that it's not necessary a religious obligation for her, but more of a personal decision. We still talk and all. She is half Iranian and half Turkish, but born and raised in the US. I'm a black franco-cameroonian non-muslim lol.

Anyway I really like this girl and I don't know what to do. She seems to like me too. I told her I'm looking forward to get to know her and she told me she is looking forward to get to know me too. She is part of the Muslim Students Association on campus. They had a barbecue recently and she send me an email invitation. I went and I enjoyed it. I didn't necessary spent my time with her, I was talking to other people and it was really fun. I met her brother and it seems like he knew about me already. He approached me and introduced himself and we started talking about football (soccer). I was hurt once when playing and in class I told her and she told me that her brother plays soccer too. So I guess she told him. I played varsity in HS and apparently he is planning to join his school varsity team. So we talked about it and we both seemed to really enjoy the conversation.

I don't mind the fact that she is Muslim at all. I grew up around Muslims; most of my childhood friends were Muslim as well. So I know some stuff about Islam. And before someone jumps in and say Muslims don't date, and such and such. I know some don't. But some do. I guess all I want to know is if she likes me and she I have a shot. Maybe not now, and I don't mind been with her and following the Islamic rules like no sex, no kissing, and such. I think if I have a shot with her she is worth it (just me though, and what I know about her so far).

Do you think she like me? I just want some thoughts. That will be very appreciated. Thanks!

[surfhb]

Crazy idea, I know, but why dont you ask her out?

[confusius]

I tried once and she accepted, but then she told me that we can't hang out only the both of us. I know Islam requires that at least one member of her family be present. I don't know; I'm really confused about what to do. Should I try again? I don't want to offend her or be pushy.

PS: Unless you don't mean asking her out as on a date lol.

[surfhb]

If youre ok with another family member present at all times go ahead. Why you would want to do that would be beyond anyones idea but its worth a shot.

People and their crazy religious beliefs!

[confusius]

If youre ok with another family member present at all times go ahead. Why you would want to do that would be beyond anyones idea but its worth a shot.

People and their crazy religious beliefs!

I think I bonded pretty well with her brother lol. I don't mind if her brothers are present. I see it as a good opportunity to get to know them as well. But other than that it's scary. Imagine having dad or mom around? lol that's freaky, but doable I guess.

[surfhb]

I think I bonded pretty well with her brother lol. I don't mind if her brothers are present. I see it as a good opportunity to get to know them as well. But other than that it's scary. Imagine having dad or mom around? lol that's freaky, but doable I guess.

There's no way in hell i would ever go out with a girl and pay for her AND her brother...LOL But whatever floats your boat dude!

[confusius]

There's no way in hell i would ever go out with a girl and pay for her AND her brother...LOL But whatever floats your boat dude!

Haha! I know, but oh well. I don't think that's how it works though. It's more like hanging out with a punch of friends specially if they kind of like you. LOL I see what you mean indeed and I'm not rich enough to do that kind of thing anyway.

[surfhb]

Haha! I know, but oh well. I don't think that's how it works though. It's more like hanging out with a punch of friends specially if they kind of like you. LOL I see what you mean indeed and I'm not rich enough to do that kind of thing anyway.

Im pretty sure its bad form to take your date and her brother out to dinner and not pay his way. Seriously Bro! Why waste your time on this girl? Dont you want to kiss her? hold her hand at least? Think!

[confusius]

Im pretty sure its bad form to take your date and her brother out to dinner and not pay his way. Seriously Bro! Why waste your time on this girl? Dont you want to kiss her? hold her hand at least? Think!

Haha I guess! Well, based on my little knowledge of the Islamic culture I know a Muslim woman can't kiss or anything unless she is married. And she can't allow herself to be tempted. Why waste time with her? I don't know, but I think that if it was to work out she is worth it. I can say that she is not as a hardcore Muslim as some I have met before. Not because Muslim women follow certain practices that we're not all use to make them undesirable. Well I don't know and I'm confused and that's why I'm here lol

[surfhb]

Haha I guess! Well, based on my little knowledge of the Islamic culture I know a Muslim woman can't kiss or anything unless she is married. And she can't allow herself to be tempted. Why waste time with her? I don't know, but I think that if it was to work out she is worth it. I can say that she is not as a hardcore Muslim as some I have met before. Not because Muslim women follow certain practices that we're not all use to make them undesirable. Well I don't know and I'm confused and that's why I'm here lol

Work out for what? Marriage? You're in college for fucckks sakes! Jeesh dude! So basically what your saying is that you are a college student who wishes to date a girl who can be alone with you, much less kiss you, until she's married? Yeah....have fun with that!

Theres a reason western culture is superior and this is a prime example

[confusius]

Work out for what? Marriage? You're in college for fucckks sakes! Jeesh dude! So basically what your saying is that you are a college student who wishes to date a girl who can be alone with you, much less kiss you, until she's married? Yeah....have fun with that!

Theres a reason western culture is superior and this is a prime example

I grew up in different places. Westerns and others. Both have their advantages and their disadvantages. Claiming that western culture is the best is a bit of a stretch in my opinion. I understand though. When I say I'm in college it doesn't mean I'm a freshman in college either. I understand where you're going with this though. I need to graduate and get a job and such. Yeah true and I'm on the verge of graduation. It's kind of scary how we all now base relationships on kissing, sex, party, alcohol, and drugs. I have done that. Relationships can be deeper and even beyond that. I had sex with my ex almost everyday and I can tell there's nothing too special about it anymore. Do I get some urge sometimes? Yes I do and it's normal, but nothing to obsess about.

Pardon my rant and I truly appreciate you taking your time to help me figure out this "situation".

[surfhb]

I grew up in different places. Westerns and others. Both have their advantages and their disadvantages. Claiming that western culture is the best is a bit of a stretch in my opinion. I understand though. When I say I'm in college it doesn't mean I'm a freshman in college either. I understand where you're going with this though. I need to graduate and get a job and such. Yeah true and I'm on the verge of graduation. It's kind of scary how we all now base relationships on kissing, sex, party, alcohol, and drugs. I have done that. Relationships can be deeper and even beyond that. I had sex with my ex almost everyday and I can tell there's nothing too special about it anymore. Do I get some urge sometimes? Yes I do and it's normal, but nothing to obsess about.

Pardon my rant and I truly appreciate you taking your time to help me figure out this "situation".

I didnt say Best....I said superior...there's a difference. Seen in the fact that the entire world has adopted western culture in one form or another. However, there are certain cultural differences that dont mix...this is one. BTW....its also acceptable behavior for men to cheat on their wives and girlfriends in many cultures....you in on that too?

It's kind of scary how we all now base relationships on kissing, sex, party, alcohol, and drugs

Its not about all that. Im sorry...i just dont see the point a dating a women whom you cant touch or be alone with? Call me crazy!! Also dont kid yourself....sex and intimacy is central to ANY relationship my friend.

Also note im the only one responding to your post which might make you think that this thread is going nowhere. Im sorry for your situation but I dont think anyone here can wrap there heads around the fact you are considering a relationship with this person

[confusius]

I didnt say Best....I said superior...there's a difference. Seen in the fact that the entire world has adopted western culture in one form or another. However, there are certain cultural differences that dont mix...this is one. BTW....its also acceptable behavior for men to cheat on their wives and girlfriends in many cultures....you in on that too?



Its not about all that. Im sorry...i just dont see the point a dating a women whom you cant touch or be alone with? Call me crazy!! Also dont kid yourself....sex and intimacy is central to ANY relationship my friend.

Also note im the only one responding to your post which might make you think that this thread is going nowhere. Im sorry for your situation but I dont think anyone here can wrap there heads around the fact you are considering a relationship with this person

Ha! You hit really good points there dude. Again you say "superior" but again it's still biased to but it like that. You say it's acceptable behavior for men to cheat on their wives and girlfriends in many cultures. That makes me laugh because when I go to certain places some people tell me "huh yeah you guys have no sense of relationships and keep on divorcing whenever something comes up and one night stands are perfectly normal. You guys are dogs" This is not as strong as the thing you said, but there are quiet a lot of these things that I get. Normal to take a strong position here. I can't take strong positions in any culture except adopting one that I feel comfortable with, and I embrace any culture to a certain extend because my background a quiet a big mix as well.

Sex and privacy is central? I'm not kidding myself here, but again in my opinion although it's one important piece it's not central at all. That's just me though and also based on my little experience. I don't know how I can convey this thing about no kissing, and stuff in their culture, but based on what I know it's not bad at all. Tough when you grew up in a westernized culture, but not something to make a big deal about. They still figure ways to express their love. It's not like the girl is guarded to the point that you can't even look into her eyes.

I guess just like you said this might just be more complicated for anyone. Certain cultural differences that don't mix. Possible! Maybe I fail to see this because again my own background is a mix. Most people around me are mixed. And I'm not afraid to cross the boundaries between cultures.