Should I be feeling this way? GF acting pretty cold

[lavalamp777]

I have been dating my gf for a few months now and I would consider our relationship to be pretty serious. When we met, it honestly started off with a bang, I've never been so close to anyone in my life and she says the same. We have talked about the future, basically expressing that one day we would like to end up together...married, etc.

Anyways, fast forward to the last month, and things have changed. In the past seeing her was pretty easy, we would make plans and meet or just hang, it wasn't a problem. Now it feels like a mission or like I'm pulling teeth in trying to make plans with her. We both have jobs where we are able to text throughout the day etc, and now when I text I don't get responses back in a decent amount of time, or even at all sometimes (I don't care if I get responses back fast, the only thing is, I know she lives on her phone like 24/7, so I really have no idea whats going on). Each time I propose a plan to do something it's met with a "maybe" "dunno" "ill see", never anything concrete. Even if I text her stuff like "I miss you" she doesn't even respond with anything, just ignores.

I bought it up to her one day and basically asked if she still felt the same in the relationship, or if anything has changed, and she said no, everything is fine, just that right now she feels "comfortable" with me.

I guess maybe I am a bit of a needy person, but I don't consider myself extreme. As long as I get some communication from her, and I'm able to make plans/look forward to them, I'm fine.

Just to give you guys an example, the other day I texted her asking her if she wanted to hang out later on that night. She said yea, at 7, because she is picking "stuff" up. I said that's cool. She later texts me saying that it will most likely be 8. I said it's cool. Then she texts me saying it will be more like 9. I tell her cool and ask her by chance out of curiosity what she's picking up, and she said "does it matter"? I told her it really doesn't but that I was curious, and she said that she isn't going to share mundane things with me.

What do you make of the above interaction?

Any advice is apperciated. I really would like this relationship to work, and I am trying hard, but lately I am not feeling the "love" so to speak, and it's making me wonder.

Also another thing, she is a pretty busy girl, works, has a lot of hobbies, and responsibilities, more than me for sure, so I understand that she doesn't have as much time/focus to give me as I give her.

[smackie9]

She has another person of interest.

[smackie9]

Sorry but some girls don't have the balls to say "I don't think I feel the same way about you anymore" or "I think it's best we see other people". They rather just make things impossible to the point you break up with them. Just ask her if she wants to be let go....be firm that you want the truth. Nothing worse than being in a one sided relationship.

[lavalamp777]

She has another person of interest.

Really? I don't think it's gone that far. Any other reason she would be behaving this way?

[lavalamp777]

Sorry but some girls don't have the balls to say "I don't think I feel the same way about you anymore" or "I think it's best we see other people". They rather just make things impossible to the point you break up with them. Just ask her if she wants to be let go....be firm that you want the truth. Nothing worse than being in a one sided relationship.

Things aren't "impossible", but they aren't easy. I see your point though about not having the guts to break up. I think that I need to have a serious talk with her, but I really don't know what to say...

[IndiReloaded]

She no longer responds to your texts (but used to) and has lots of hobbies. You are feeling neglected and/or ignored.

Dude, if this is her becoming 'comfortable' with you, don't you think that kinda sucks? I agree w/Smackie, she just not into you anymore. Sorry. Better make yourself scarce and busy asap or its over.

[haxan]

Ya, it sucks for one half, but it's a common course in a relationship. Someone sees and experiences the day to day routine of someone they got to know intimately and thought was exciting, and they get bored. I'm sure it's nothing you did, if life didn't work this way we'd never date around, just meet someone and be content. I don't think making yourself scarce or busy will help, she'll probably be more relieved than anything and let it fizzle out.

Btw, they all start out hot, don't they? That's how they turn into relationships, even if brief ones.

[IndiReloaded]

Ya, it sucks for one half, but it's a common course in a relationship. Someone sees and experiences the day to day routine of someone they got to know intimately and thought was exciting, and they get bored. I'm sure it's nothing you did, if life didn't work this way we'd never date around, just meet someone and be content.

Oh BS, Haxan. If this were how it always works then couples would never get married. What's missing is her caring about things that interest him (mbe he's 'boring' as you say). Or mbe she's just selfish. Either way, a successful relationship means both partners need to be engaged w/each other. At least some of the time. She doesn't sound like she's meeting him even part way on this.

One way to test if she's really lost interest tho is for him to back off and be 'busy' when she does eventually want time w/him. If she can't even be bothered for that tho, then its probably over.

Good luck.

[haxan]

Oh BS, Haxan

Disagreeing with me huh, don't make me get out 'my' rolled up newspaper ! :-D

All I'm saying, is that if we didn't meet, date, breakup and repeat, we'd just meet our first love interest, get married and settle down. The OP had a relationship and unfortunately she seems to be bored with it and more than likely wants to move on. I think it happens with everyone, probably more than a few times, before they find the right one.

[smackie9]

Really? I don't think it's gone that far. Any other reason she would be behaving this way?

What tells me that is that she delays things hour by hour...possibly chatting on line with someone.

[lavalamp777]

So I should just basically sit around and wait for her to contact me to do stuff? I don't think she is bored with me, I would be surprised if she was. I don't think I'm a boring guy, whenever we go out we have fun, and we do a variety of stuff (clubbing, bars, shows, events, movies, trying new restaurants, taking her on my motorcycle, etc). I'm really easy going and laid back and like to have fun.

I know she is busy, which could be a factor, but I just don't know if she is going to be "busy" all the time...that might be an issue for me.

[steviej]

It reads exactly like she's lost interest. For a girl who lives on her phone to not bother messaging back for ages, or not replying when you tell her you miss her - huge signs there!

Your choice, either cut her loose or back off a lot, give her time and space to see if she starts to miss you, it might be that she's just feeling a bit smothered.

[lavalamp777]

I've been feeling really crappy this past week, and I am trying to pinpoint the reason. I had yet another disappointment in trying to communicate with her tonight. At this point in time I'm not even going to bother responding back to her. If she contacts me I'm going to tell her how I feel, and we'll see how she reacts to that. I had a really good talk with a friend today and I came to the conclusion that I can't be in a relationship with her if this is how it's going to be, or like someone said, if this is her way of being "comfortable".

There's a bunch of other issues that I realized I have after talking it out with my friend today. I definitely don't deserve this kind of treatment, and me feeling this way isn't healthy.

I genuinely hope that we can work through this problem, but I don't want to change anyone, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. It will suck big time for sure, I really thought this girl would be the one for me, but I guess I was wrong. It's terribly confusing because we talked about the future/family life together, she wrote me a couple of cards for V-Day and another time with some pretty serious messages.

I think it's going to come down to 3 outcomes:

1. She will apologize and try to make it work
2. She will be relieved because she wanted to move on as well
3. She will tell me I'm overreacting (if that's the case and anyone wants to chime in here, please let me know)

[smackie9]

If it is #3, then it shows that you are not compatible. You both have different relationship expectations.

Like I said if she cooled off real quick, then she obviously is experiencing something with someone else.

Tip: when they talk about the future, marriage, children etc.....that is not to be taken as a promise, it's just fantasy talk brought on by obsessive feelings which is very common at the beginning of a relationship. It usually wears off after about 6 months to a year and a half. If any earlier than that, it usually means they have met someone else, or in rare cases, they are addicted to the chemicals that the brain produces, like dopamine, and serotonin. There are some that only date someone for 3 months and the high drops off, they move on. A friend of mine dated someone like that....funny thing he told her about it when they first started dating....she didn't believe it, but ya it happened.

[lavalamp777]

^ You might be right. I will talk to her today most likely and see how things go.