Help with moving on

[teacup711]

Hi Forum members
My divorce came through last year and even though I know the woman he left me for (his work colleague who fell pregnant) I still have not seen the 2 of them together as a couple. Its now 3 years. My sons are teens and she effectively is a step-mother to them. No problems on this front.
I was recently in a relationship where I was offered the opportunity to go away for the weekend (to try and advance the course of our relationship), I froze. I am having commitment issues. Even though I acknowledge the marriage is over, I guess I need to see it to believe it. In case youre wondering, I rather feel she is nervous about seeing me too. I think if I saw the 2 of them as a couple sooner rather than later it would help me build a bridge where this big mess is concerned. He is completely under the thumb, treats me with hostility even though he got everything he wanted. This sounds rather pathetic...still I invested a long time here. Thanks for listening.

[asdfg789]

So it has been a year or a bit less since your divorce and your actual acceptance of the end of the relationship.

No need to rush things on the new relationship if you are not ready. If your kids are teenagers, it must have been a 10+ years marriage.

Give it some time. And if the new guy is serious, he should understand. (:

[kates]

Its totally understandable that you need time to accept you are going to have to move on. Its really important that you are happy with the pace of things so why not allow someone to make you feel good, going away for the weekend doesnt mean marriage but it could further the closeness you feel with someone else. It doesnt have to include sex, but going away aloows us to behave differently in different surroundings.

[seanni]

You're right.

[teacup711]

thanks Kate, that was his reasoning also -- he wanted to see if I could put up with him for 4 days! Think Im scared about rejection again? Dunno but thanks guys for the feedback.

[cheekxs]

its not so long ago so u need to take time to deal with it. and u can better not date.

take time for yourself. make small changes that remove things that remember you about him .
if u need help going true this , seek a psychologist

[cheekxs]

He is a piece of shit.

You need to start looking for closer.

Rather is it true a therapist or reading self help books.
Or life story books.

And how come you didi not see them together jet? and you know what kind of step mom she is\?
dont they come to get the kids or something?

and i think he and she need to be ashamed of the pig they are.

You only can have your head high if you dd not cheat in the marriage.
Let him and her be nervous when they see you!
That is par of the consequences for being a cheating whore !

A divorce is not a little thing. its big.
so you need all the time you need to heal.
So take time to heal. and you dont have to go no weekend with no one.
That weekend thing often end or can end in sex and shit. before you know you are doing stuff your mind
did not plan to do.

So just be honest with this new guy.
and tell him the truth. that you just want to get to know him as friends. and that
you are not there jet for something more cause you still have something to deal with cause of the divorce.

And maybe a therapist is a good option for you. to help you move on.