I really REALLY need some advice!!!

[Rubio]

I really need some advice

First of all sorry for my english...

I'm 23 yo guy, I'm pretty much successful in anything I do.. I'm good looking and trying to be polite and charming most of the time..
I was never a guy for serious relationships, and never had one...Even though I've had tons of opportunities I was only with a few girls I physically liked and nothing more..
I was always very picky because I find most of the people annoying and stupid..
One day I was barbecuing with my friends and one of the guys I don't know very well called some girls which were friends of his girlfriend...
I haven't spend much time talking with this girls but I saw all of my friends were amazed with one of them.. Since I was and still am in weird period of my life I decided
to have this girl just to prove to myself and everyone else that I'm the best... Little by little we started dating..I was still with her just because everyone else thought
she's great.. I saw she's in love with me very much after very short period of time.. But also everything with her works so great, we are pretty much spending 24h per day
together and we are never bored... She's also very honest with me, she doesn't even matter if im invading her privacy.. Sex is also really good.. And now, 4 months later
I know she loves me very much.. But the problem is that I think I love her even more.. It feels like she's everything to me...

So what is the problem? Well, I've never had an opportunity for not knowing anything about her past.. Even before we officialy started to date I already knew about one of
her ex boyfriends.. I know him personaly and he's not a great guy, but he's ok and I didn't mind that.. I knew they were together for 3 years.. and since she was 19 when
she started dating him I asumed there were not plenty of guys before him.. Then she told me about one guy who she was with and he did her some really really bad things..
I wanted to find that guy and "talk" to him but she didn't want to tell me his name (because she knows how explosive can I get).. I was still ok with that.. Than without any reason
one of her friends told me stuff about her past which made me sick.. she was doing some stuff I really don't like.. and after that the same girl told me she started having sex
when she was like 13 years old... After that I found out that at the time she was always hanging out with guys much older than she was.. So guess this older guys ****ed here
when she was ****ing 13 years old.. The worst thing is that I found out who this guys are and I know them, and they are really everything I despise.. Once I wanted to talk
to her about that but she started crying like hell and she was crying all night.. and everything she was saying is "please don't leave me"..
I am very coldblooded person but this stuff are breaking my heart and are making me physicaly ill..

Also I'm pretty sure there were few other guys with her... I was never bothered with this stuff before in my life because I guess I wass never in love before..
I love her more and more every day and this is bothering more and more every day... I can't stop thinking about this and I think I'll snap some day soon.. And I'm not a person to
be around when it happens...
Next week we are going on holiday together (just 2 of us) and I really don't know what to do... I am not usually a person who is asking for advice, but I'm completely clueless atm.
I feel angry and sad..
What I am going to is talk to her about that, and she is not going to avoid it (she told me that)...
But what if the complete truth is even worse than things in my head are... I wont be able to live with that.. But also I don't think I'm able to leave her..

Im really really pissed and don't know what to do...

[cast no shadow]

I'm sorry, but what do you have to be angry about, that the girl had sex?
Common.

She is obviously think that she did some mistakes (what sex at the age of 13 can be..), and she looks at herself as a different person.
If she does, why can't you?

[Rubio]

Don't know why but your post made me laugh, thanks

[BackUpOrGetStng]

What did she do that was so terrible? Sounds like you should just leave the past in the past.

[smackie9]

You are a jerk. Your big fat ego gets hurt about her past so you had to go at her and belittle her, make her cry about it, make her feel the shame, to make her pay for it. Grrrrrrr! she deseves to be treated better....unfortunately she has such low self esteem and cant protect herself from your jealous selfish dickhead attacks. You should be ashamed of yourself. You don't bash the one you love, you are suppose to show some empathy, support and let them know that the past is just where it is...in the past. She is this beautiful loving person and all you can do is worry about your big fat head ego.

[Janny1]

bump

[Rubio]

You are a jerk. Your big fat ego gets hurt about her past so you had to go at her and belittle her, make her cry about it, make her feel the shame, to make her pay for it. Grrrrrrr! she deseves to be treated better....unfortunately she has such low self esteem and cant protect herself from your jealous selfish dickhead attacks. You should be ashamed of yourself. You don't bash the one you love, you are suppose to show some empathy, support and let them know that the past is just where it is...in the past. She is this beautiful loving person and all you can do is worry about your big fat head ego.

Im aware of this mate... It's not something I chose.. Im just like that my whole life...
The worst thing is that she really is best girlfriend anyone could ask for.. I think that is the biggest problem... Everything would be perfect if I never knew about her past..
I am the person who believes I can solve any problem in the world... But how do I erase past? I am little bit on the crazy side and I wanted to make this guys pay but I know that would just make things worse..
It would make us even more unhappy and it wouldn't solve the problem.. I feel hopeless... I know it would completely break her if I leave her... and than still I would think about that every ****ing day.. But this way I am torturing both of us as well... And I don't want to hurt her anymore.. She's the only person in the world which I don't want to hurt at the moment..

[smackie9]

You need to look at yourself and how you are as a person. My impression of you is that in general, if you don't get your own way you get angry and stomp your feet. Reality check: the world, and everything in it is never perfect. This is what happens when you are in love.....the thought of your partner being with others is a lot to take (for the moment)..since you are a noob with this kind of thing you are having difficulty getting past it. Fist step apologize to her, and tell her that you need her help to get past this stage of your relationship. Eventually things will calm down. You just need to keep your behavior towards this in check. Understand for what it is and the fact you cannot change the past because it never involved you, so really it's none of your business to begin with. So stop digging into her past, and focus on fixin that sh itty attitude of yours.

[dnna1]

In the past, will always be the past. Now, we don't need to care about。

[John12]

Good luck!

[Rubio]

Thanks John...
But If we don't need to care about the past why are there military courts and stuff like that... It's not really irrelevant...
I don't have anything smart to say atm.. I'll let you know what will happen in future...
If someone has something to say, please do...

[Rubio]

You need to look at yourself and how you are as a person. My impression of you is that in general, if you don't get your own way you get angry and stomp your feet.

That's correct... we'll see what happens next..
Today I feel little bit better about it...

[LoveCoach]

Rubio,

Thanks for taking your time to share with us your problem.

Frustration and anger is occured when the reality (fact) is not the same with our expectation (or what we think should be happening, or our attitudes). In this case, you don't expect her to have sex with elders at an age of 13 years of age, you don't expect she is not being honest and hide secret away from you. In fact, this is not your false, because most of us were raised by our families and society to have this attitude and expectation. Sadly say, this attitude and expectation is not realistic, simply because we are human being. We are making error all the time, including not being honest and lie.

You also shares with us your LOVE for her. But the way you describe your love for her is a conditioned love. You love her with a condition. And that condition is the happiness she brings to you. Once she stops giving you happiness, you probably would stop loving (your action - caring, respecting, sacrificing, empathizing, appreciating, being loyalty, forgiving, etc) her. The consequence of this loving with condition is when there is a threat to the fact that she is no longer bringing you the happiness, you will receive heartache, scared, frustration and anger. So the way you are feeling now - heartache, frustrated and angry is a result of your conditioned love and your false expectation and attitude about her regarding to her honesty (hiding) and sexual activities in the past.

What should you do now? please chat with me on yahoo messenger or skype. my nick is quocvinh727

[Rubio]

Thank you mate... I will look for you when Ill have some time... I really need to do something about this...

[Bush1]

If really love, that can don't care about anything, brave to go forward. Come on.