Advice Please!My wife said wanted to divorce

[tonywang]

Long story short. My wife said to me she wanted to divorce, because last night I said I lost passion on her. Here is what happened.

Me and my wife live in a city which is far away from both of our home town. And my wife’s parents came over to stay with us for more than half year of each year in recent 2 years. I really don’t like to live with her parents. Because they always have different opinions about things and they always want us to do whatever they think it’s right. We are both 30 now. My wife also dislikes her parents act like that way. Her parents especially her mom likes to control everything of her which drives her crazy. I feel her mom is very codependent, whatever her mom does her mom would claim that was all for her or me, except it has to be done in “her” way. If we don’t do it in her way, she would be angry.

We bought this apartment in this city and when my wife’s parents are here, they change everything into the way they like. For instance, we bought a tea table for our sitting room, but my mother in law doesn’t like it, so she moved the tea table to some where else. When my wife goes shopping with her mom, her mom always disagree with what clothes she picks up and always wanted my wife to dress up like her mom.

Often times I felt this is not my home, because I can’t do anything I wanted.

2 days ago my wife’s friend said she wanted to come over to our city and stay over at our home for 2 nights. My wife said ok, but my wife’s mom was not happy about it. During the past 2 days my wife’s mom never had a smile on her face and we could see she was angry. Whatever she does at home she made it very laud. We felt very embarrassed because my wife’s friend was here. Last night my wife was talking to me about how she gained some weight and she can’t dress up and make up because of her mom. I said to her that I felt she looked like her mom now and I said before when I saw her I would feel like “en, this is my beautiful wife”. And now when I saw her I feel like “Ok, this is my wife”. The reason I said this was because I wanted to push her stand out her “mom” zone.

This morning she was talking to me about ask her mom to go back to their city and come again after my wife is pregnant. Then we talked about not living with her parents in the future. Then she suddenly came up with what I said last night and questions me why I felt like that. She said I lost passion on her, and couples should have passions all the time. I told her, that doesn’t mean I don’t love her anymore. She left for work. Just now, she text me said she wanted a divorce.

What should I do?

[Alexis]

couples go up in down the passion the lust the interest it all wavers dont let that end it get those damn parents out of your lives and take control of it once again make her feel wanted and desire there are alot things to do to make things better again the worst thing you can do is nothing... love her

[dem862]

Most women will not just announce they want a divorce out of the blue. It usually builds up over a period of time and a number of incidents. I would look at it as a cry for help and try to find out from her what is bothering her. She might just need to vent and feel she has been heard by you. If you can't do this without falling back into a defensive pattern, then you might need professional help in terms of marriage counseling to get through this.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell her that you think it's stress from her parents living there that has caused you to lose passion. DO NOT fight the divorce. Tell her that you think it's a good idea and that you two should try separating for a few months. She will freak out if you agree with her, and won't want you to leave. But do you really want to stay in this situation where you have to live with her parents?