Being in the shoes of a 3rd Party

[Nameless18]

Hi all!

I have a situation and I would like to get some insight and advice from you people here in loveforum.

Currently, I am seeing this girl from my workplace and she's 29 while I'm 27. She's not a local in this country here and I've been trying to ask her out for a few months with endless rejections from her till she finally said yes. I got to talk to her about work, personal lives and family throughout the time I know her for about 2 months. However, she has a boyfriend of about 2 years who's also not a local here and I got to know they're currently staying together.

During our conversation, she confided in me that many of her friends left her cause of her boyfriend as they deemed him a terrible one. She told me recently that he has hit her before and has told her to wash his clothes, clean the house and many others. She feels miserable staying with him and told me that I was the first one whom she has confided in as I appear genuine in listening and offering her advises on how to improve her life. We went out one day and I confessed to her that I like her and she told me that she treats me more than a friend. I laid some ground rules for myself that I do not want to be the source of breakup and kept my distance in terms of not making any moves on her other than us having fun laughing and enjoying each other's company.

The problem is that right now, I'm getting more emotionally attached with her and images of her keep playing in my head. I try not to think too much about it but I feel that with me being her guy, I could definitely treat her way much better and will give her everything that I have. She has told me before that her friends had advised her to leave him and she did want to but she's afraid of being lonely without friends in this country. I said she always has me around and I will be there for her throughout. I thought about it and I am actually going to tell her that imperfect as I may be, I will be her everything and would like her to be my girl if she agrees.

Breakup with her current boyfriend then I foresee is going to be an issue and that's why I would like to seek an opinion from you guys here as previously I received many good advises from this forum. Do you think that I will be a bad guy by being a 3rd party here or should I proceed and confess that I will like her to be my girl?

Ps. I always believe that no man should lay his hand on a woman regardless whatever reason it is and she deserves happiness and I will give her that happiness she desires.

Hope to hear from some of you kind souls here who has gone through or offer me an advise. Would appreciate it alot. Thank you.

Best Regards
Zell Z

[smackie9]

You are friend zoned the minute she confided in you. Please don't fall into the "White Knight Symdrome" where you feel you have a responsablity to "rescue" said person. Women only fall for their resurers in fairytales, so you will not win her heart. If a women wants someone bad enough, nothing will stop her, especially if it's an excuse to get out of a bad situation. She is just using you as her emotional tampon.....you are falling for her foolishly. Trust me she is not romantically interested, nor will "rescuing her" will make her change her mind. That is not how it works with women. You are best to back off and let her deal with her present situation on her own, if you don't you will end up feeling used and destroyed.

[TeeJay19]

If you really do like this girl then by all means go for it, just be aware that it could end very badly. As smakie said you've likely been friend zoned and if that's the case and she rejects you then your friendship with her will probably never be the same. I would move on to other options and create a little distance between you and her, at least temporarily, so you have a chance to get over her and move on. Try to meet some other girls who are available and don't have so much baggage. Pining over someone who's not available or not interested is a great way to become depressed, don't let yourself get to that point.

[smackie9]

Pining over someone who's not available or not interested is a great way to become depressed, don't let yourself get to that point.

This is great advice!

[Nameless18]

Thanks so much both of you! Appreciate your comments.

Yes, I made it clear to her beforehand that I do not want to fall into her friendzone cause I think that would totally suck being a part of it that longs for a more serious relationship. I guess that I have to ask her where she sees us going in the long run.. I'm not sure if that would be wise decision or a smart one.

Any suggestion?

Cheers~

[smackie9]

Take a look at her situation......she has a BF, and "supposedly" her BF is abusive. These are what we call "red flags". In most cases, if she did date you, you will be a rebound and only last anywhere from a week to a month, she WILL go back to her ex for sure. Most who have been in a long term relationship and an abusive one, 99.9% of the time will go back. Also she already had said no to you many times.....how many more do you need? Stop obsessing, there is no relationship, there is no future.

The smart decision is to walk away from this one, and stay out of her personal life.

[TeeJay19]

Yeah, I think you're better off trying to meet someone else. Don't obsess over this woman. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but there are women out there better suited for you. Go out and find them.

[Nameless18]

Thanks and I appreciate all comments here in this forum.

I've told her how I feel and she will come to a decision eventually. I'm not one hoping for something that's not mine so I guess I will leave it up to fate regardless her decision.

Cheerios~

[smackie9]

She already has a long time ago.....she just doesn't want to be the one to break the bad news to you.

[Jones12]

very nice!

[Jason2]

you got it

[Nameless18]

Hi all! Just some updates:

I've expressed how I feel towards her and she does in fact likes me. We're just being comfortable with each other for now and held hands now and then but that's about it. She knows she's in a relationship and I respect her decision thus we don't go further than that physically. For now, it's just us enjoying being in the moment and we'll see where fate leads us to.

Appreciate all advises here

Cheerios~