Boyfriend poses as a lesbian and trades pics with women online

[tarakat]

I recently discovered that my boyfriend poses as a woman and trades sexy photos with women through email. I discovered an email another woman sent to him after he sent half naked and suggestive photos to her.
To make matters worse, he considers himself a devout, conservative Christian, is a virgin and because of it, refuses to have sex with me. He also believes homosexuality is a sin, but does this...what is going on here?
I consider this cheating and think I deserve better. He is also some sort of pathological liar, getting a kick out of deceiving people...
He says he has a problem and wants to work through it but now I have been home for an hour sitting downstairs on the couch and he is still upstairs on his computer, ignoring me and avoiding the confrontation.
I think I deserve better than this and that we should break up.
I would appreciate any thoughts about the matter.

[Dakini1]

It does indeed sound like he has a problem. If I were you I would ask him how he is planning to work through his problem. It would be unlikely that he would be would be able to overcome the problem on his own. What is he going to do? Counselling is a option, there are probably other options too. 12 step program's etc. Then use your gut instinct.... Does he genuinely want to change and have a good plan, and good support to make that happen, or is he just saying stuff to pacify you with no real intention of doing some seriously hard work. Go with whatever your gut is telling you. But it seems to me that he is already acting out of integrity and that can't be good for you or your relationship.
I've personally wasted many years of my life watching boyfriends say that they are going to work themselves out, and at the same time destroying themselves in one way or another. I can tell you, it's not a fun pastime and I've really suffered the consequences of staying in relationships where the other person has serious problems. Whatever you decide, look after yourself....make sure you nurture yourself and get help and support from others in your journey... Which I'm sure you'll do given that you are posting here..

[KingZ]

No. He's a classic Christian hypocrite.

There's no solving this. Dump him.

[IslaEmerie]

He needs to go to a therapist for sure. But honestly he doesn't sound like a nice person. He is not considerate of your feelings and is secretive. He is also not considerate of those women either, whether or not he is trying to be mean to them. They might get hurt. You sound like a nice person and you are better off finding someone like yourself. You will be much happier. Do you really feel things could get better? Most of the time when someone has lied or kept something secret it damages the relationship forever. It's like a cup being broken. You can put it back together and glue every little piece but you will still look at it and see it broken and never the same again.

[tarakat]

I suggested counseling but he seems to think that his problem isn't that bad and he can control it by praying and asking Jesus for help. He claims when he was younger he used to do this every day, but now it is only an occasional temptation. He has promised to tell me when he has the temptation, but he seemed more concerned initially with how I was able to get onto his email account and that I was going through his computer than his bad behavior and how it made me feel.
I told him that it would be better if he was looking at porn than living and deceiving people online. These are real people after all, not actors or models.
His problem seems to be less sexual and more that he feels powerful when he is able to deceive people.
My problem is I love him but I don't know if I can trust him. I want to believe him that he wants to get better, but the trust in the relationship is broken. I wanted to break it off, but he doesn't, basically refuses to leave or move on and I feel it is too hard for me to be without him. Am I just being weak? I have been focusing on him and my business for a while now and I basically don't have any friends except him and the prospect of losing that friendship is awful as well.
Other than the recent transgression, we have had so many differences and terrible arguments it seems almost hopeless at this point and I don't want to waste more of my life on someone who has no future and has no future with me.
I think if he would agree to counseling maybe we could gain some clarity, but It seems he prefers to stay stuck in this mess...

[TeeJay19]

It sounds like your boyfriend has some serious problems. If he was willing to work on them then it might be okay to stay with him if you really love him, but it sounds like he's not doing anything to solve these issues so you're likely wasting your time. You need to leave this guy, you can do MUCH better.

[searock]

You should meet new people and make friends, having only ONE friend is not a healthy thing for you. No wonder you stick with him even though all the things he does would make any woman run. He is in denial about his own instincts, the very fact that he is opposing them is making him do things that a "normal" guy wouldn't do. He needs help, and you need friends and to get out of the relationship with him.