Obsessed with future

[Frustrated]

I am not sure what to do, so I hope someone can suggest something.

I have been with my boyfriend for just over two years and things are going really well. I know that I want to marry him and I am pretty sure he feels the same but I don't know exactly how he sees the next few years. I am ready to get married, I don't want to wait any longer but I don't think he is ready yet. We have talked about it and I know he sees it in happening in the next few years but I find it hard because I want to know exactly what he is thinking but then I don't because I want some spontaneity involved. Pretty contradictory huh??

He is studying medicine so I know he does not want to get engaged this year. And we don't want to live together before we get married. I am silly, I have this plan in my head of how I want things to proceed but unfortunately I don't think it will turn out that way and it is making me crazy. I don't like not having control of what is going to happen but I know that is what makes life exciting. I can't stop obsessing over it and it doesn't help when all the people around you seem to be getting engaged and married too. I just wish I could be content with the way things are because I think they will be this way for a while yet. Any advice???

[JohnsonROd]

You have 2 options. You can wait for him, or you can leave him.

If you love him and think he's worth waiting for, then you'll give him the time he needs.

If you can't wait around any longer, then you'll leave and hope that you'll meet someone else who you'll want to spend your life with. But, this choice also means that he isn't worth waiting for, and therefore not the ONE for you.

[Frustrated]

I know you are right. And I know I have to wait and I am willing to do that.

It is just hard to do that, so I wanted to have a whinge about it! I feel like a car stuck in peak hour traffic who can see the city (ie. marriage, children, etc) but has to wait. And I don't want to put unecessary pressure on him because I only want him to ask me to marry him if that is what he truly wants. I have finished my study and am working full time now so we are sort of at different stages I guess.

[Illusional]

first you have to learn to be content with what you have. not being in control of the future, hey, it's everyone's problem. no one can control how another person will react because they aren't that other person.

secondly, i personally don't like to beat around the bush. i would be blunt with him and if he doesn't know what he wants in the near future, maybe he knows what he eventually will want with you, .. which might end in marriage. be honest with him, that's yoru best bet and explain to him that you hate how his uncertainty is bothering you. raverboy

[Jay-Tea]

Hi! Guess what? I have that similar feeling lately.
It struck me after attending my friend's wedding. Both of us were there- my boyfriend and I. That night, I cried myself to sleep because I felt so alone. He told me that he loves me so much and I do believe him. But then he said, he's not thinking of that yet. Well, basically, I understand 'coz he's younger and he's telling me that he's not into planning things he's not capable of doing or attaining. He said he's very serious about us though. And that he's also looking forward to a future with me. But then what I clearly figured out is, I'm more into "it" (the big M) than him. So, from then on, I thought, maybe I'll just wait and see where this gets us. I love him very much. No question about the feelings from both sides. But as far as security is concerned, I'm thinking, maybe if I meet somebody else while I'm getting tired of waiting, then that's it for us. I'm really not hurrying him up since we've only been in this relationship for almost 4mos. now. But all I really wanted from him is the assurance that it's really going to be us, and that we just have to give it our all to make this work. Apparently though, he's just not seeing things the way I do. I can't and won't force him to. So, even while I'm in this relationship, in my mind, I just got to have a Plan B for myself 'coz I don't want to find myself hanging on to something that probably won't be there in the end.

[Frustrated]

Jay-tea, I can understand where you are coming from. It is hard when you are ready for something and your partner isn't. You do just have to wait.

And I see what you mean about having a plan B and I guess I do in my mind too but it is only if he doesn't ask me to marry him for so long that I am over it, which hopefully won't happen. He says he doesn't want to lose me and I believe him.

And Illusional is right as well about being happy with what I have and I am trying to do that. We only get to see each other on the weekends because we live quite a ways apart so that makes it difficult too. I am over the long distance thing.