Divorce / separation doubts

[Cook]

Hi guys, this is my first post, things are a mess right now and I would like to help others and become a member of the forum once my head is in a better place.

Basically today I moved out of my house to my brothers after saying I would like a divorce to my wife of 12 yrs. we have one son together.

About two years ago I started getting the thoughts that I was no longer happy with the relationship and maybe things should end. This thought started to gather more momentum so about 12 myths ago I started seeing someone to try and work things out and see if the marriage could be saved. I thought after 12 yrs I Owed my wife at least the chance to fix the marriage. I didn't tell the councillor that I had doubts, I decided to say that the marriage isn't going well, I wanted his opinion to be a fresh one which was swayed by my thoughts.

Part of the issue is I am also in extreme pain all the time. So bad that on medical advice I have gone onto a disability pension and stopped work. Every dayisa bad day for me it just depends on how bad. Iam seeing a pain specialist to try and get things under better control.

Anyway with the councillor he gaveme various things to do which I reported back atthenext appointment. Eventually hesaidto e I think your marriage is over if you are honest with yourself. This was the same as I was thinking but I was still unsure, and the not knowing what to do I am sure effected the marriage more.

Eventually after hours of thinking, and many sleepless nights I decided that's font for me, but for my wife I owed her the right to find someone else.

Today I gave the news and moved in with my brother. At the time when I told her I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. We then decided for me to move out and it old her to take everything we have to help in supporting her and my son. I don't hate her, we have always have been good friends, I am just notin love with her. Anyway after I left and had time to reflect I felt as though I made the totally wrong decision. I was in tears over it. What I am not sure about is if it is fear of being by myself, or I made the wrong choice. I am lost as to what I should do. I was 100% sure I wanted this, now I have no idea.

Any advice, or anything, feel so lost now.....

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You just ended a 12 year marriage, so there is going to be some separation anxiety that goes with it. You've known for a long time that the marriage isn't good for you, and it wasn't getting any better, so going back shouldn't really be an option at this point. Just start moving on and continue talking to your counselor.

[trmartinez9389]

It seems like you guys are still friends, so that makes it harder to leave. It's easy to say "I hate you!" walk out and move on, but when you are leaving a person you care about, it can cause some extreme emotion. Maybe what you guys need is more of a trial separation, to see if being with out each other is truly what you want, or you maybe you just needed a break from one another. These things can be confusing, but my advice would be to talk to your wife and figure out what is best for the both of you.

[vashti]

Chronic pain? What medications are you taking for pain, and what doses?

I can tell you if you made a bad decision based on whether or not you behave as an addict. Generally speaking though, if you are addicted, your wife and son will be better of without you.

[Jason2]

Good luck!