My girlfriend rather watches porn than have sex with me

[WalkOverMe]

Hello,

My girlfriend is 25 and I'm 27. We have been in a relationship for soon 2 years now. Originally we were housemates and that's how we got together in the first place.
At the beginning we kept it a secret from our other house mates, and we had sex 2 or 3 times a day or when we were all alone in the house, we would have sex all day long. It was very nice and hot, as it was a secret.

After about 6 months we got our own place then. We started telling people we were together etc. It was all very good. Sparks were still flying between us. We had sex almost every day, sometimes several times a day, and yes sometimes we didnt have sex because we were tired.
Then suddenly in the summer, she stopped having sex. Literally from one day to another. We went almost 2 weeks without sex. She said probably the pill that lowers her sex drive. In fairness, it was the 2nd month she was on the pill at that time. So I believed her.
Unfortunately later I found out that she was having an affair with a guy from her work. I even found out that she wanted to leave me for him, but then it turned out the guy was never looking for anything serious. All the cheating and lying brought me several times to a breaking point. Although I am still insecure about this to this very day, I forgave her about this a long time ago, since it's almost a year back now.

The only thing though that since then changed, is our sex live. Since last summer when she had the affair, her sex drive went from 2-3 times a day to 1-2 a week.
We had many arguments about this through out the past 10 months. Mainly because I'm getting really frustrated that she no longer comes on to me and if I'm getting lucky, we have sex on weekends. No quickies, no morning sex, no surprise sex out of nowhere, no shower sex, there is almost zero passion coming from her side.

As I said, we had many arguments about this. First she told me it was the pill. Then I found out she was actually cheating on me. After her affair, still no change in our sex life. Then she went off the pill as she said it gives her weird cramps, still no change in our sex life.
Then she said it's because we're living together and see each other each day, that's why she maybe wants less sex. So I move out for a 1.5 months and we meet 1-2 a week, but still no difference.
Then I move back in with her in December, and she says it's currently only the stress with work and christmas sales, but after the stress is over in january, she will be fine again. January came, still no sex drive.
Then she said I should come on less to her, as this is putting her off. So I started making a move only once a week, but even then, the second I started kissing her stronger, she just pushed me away and saying she's not in the mood. Of course we had a huge argument about this again and I told her I did everything she ever asked and yet still no change. I told her how frustrating it gets and at the back of my head is constantly that all this ever started since she had the affair.

One day I caught her watching porn. I didn't say anything, but looked at her internet history. It turns out, she watches porn almost every day when she's home alone or if I'm out, or even when I have a shower. Even more disturbing was when I checked the times, she must have been watching porn while we were sitting in the living room across from each other. So often I remember her saying out of nowhere she needs to go have a shower in the evening.
So one night when we were in the living room again, I saw the reflection of her laptop screen in the window, she was watching porn again. Of course now sound and she would hide the window the second I got up. I got turned on that she watched porn once again. So I went over to her and started kissing her slowly but she just pushed me away and said she's not in the mood, but then got up and went to the shower. This time I peaked into the shower and I saw she was playing with her self while having a shower...

I confronted her later then, asking why she keeps telling me for the past 10 months that she is just not as horny as she used to be, but then it turns out she watches porn 5 times a week, but only has sex with me once a week. I asked her of she's no longer attracted to me, and she assured me that this is not the case. I would say we both are good looking, neither of us is overweight. I also asked her if she's faking her orgasm with me, and she said no absolutely not. She often manages to come twice.

She wouldn't give me any proper answer why she prefers porn over actual sex. She basically yelled at me, telling me how sick she is of me brining up the sex issue over and over. She told me she will have more sex with me.
But for course, this was 3 months ago and nothing has changed apart from another few arguments related to sex. The only time we usually have sex is weekends, after we go out partying and drinking. It seems she only gets horny for me when she's tipsy.
I even tried spicing it up with new ideas, such as handcuffs, blindfolding, watching porn together, new positions, outdoor sex. She just says no to everything I try.

I'm really at a loss. To sum up:
We've been together for soon 2 years and sex has been great since the beginning. From 3 times sex a day, down to sex once or maybe twice a week and it all started when she had an affair a year ago. Now she prefers to watch porn 5 times a week rather than having sex with me. At the same time, she keeps talking more and more about our future, about marriage, kids, having a house together etc. She also seems very happy in our relationship. She talks to others about me, made me meet her family, wants to meet my family, plans big holidays together etc.

I don't want to sound like an a-hole, but a relationship without passionate sex... I don't think I can do that. I listened to everything she suggested, but nothing helps and she is really not willing to put in an effort, and each time I bring up the sex issue, I'm the bad guy as she just yells at me and says that she's sick of me talking about it.
Knowing that she hasn't made a real move on me in almost 10 months, kills me. She used to come on to me on the middle of the night, or wake me up with sex first thing in the morning, or join me in the shower out of nowhere. Even have quickies in several parts of the houses. Nowadays, I get 10 minutes sex on a weekend, mainly same position, not much passion, and it feels like she's doing me a favor rather than her wanting sex with me.

So what can I do? Why does she prefer porn over sex? Why did it all start since she cheated? Will sex with her ever increase again?

[Boisdevie]

Excellent choice of pseudonym. She is not just walking over you, she is stopping along the way to piss on you as well. If this story is true then I sincerely hope that you never have children because I'm not sure if stupid people should be allowed to have children - you know, it'll mess up the gene pool.

[WalkOverMe]

I signed up here with that username last year when I found out about her cheating on me. This is all in the past now. I'm just trying to understand why her sex drive for me did not return and what I can do to make her attractive to me again.

For some reason, I think she's no longer attracted to me because she knows me. Maybe she wants to try out something new, maybe even a threesome? She seems to only watch threesome/gangbang/orgy porn or porn where a woman gets it very rough, such as tied up and blind folded. I'm sexually very open and have no problem with my sexuality. However my girlfriend is such a closed book when it comes to her feelings.

Obviously she wants a future with me, but with the current sex life, I don't see a future. I'm trying to find a good balance to make her happy and have me not being frustrated.

[surfhb]

Dude.....this is the same complaint all men have been having since the beginning of time So please dont think you are unique here haha! The honeymoon is over and this is where you 2 really need to work hard to be those passions flowing

I'd say sex once / twice a week it is very avg or good for most long term and married couple. Try getting married and have kids. It's hard work to keeps things going after that.....that's why many say marriage is the hardest thing you will ever do. I agree ! I hate to bust your bubble but there's not a relationship in the world which has the same sex life after several years together, mortgages, kids, ect. Why do you think hookers stay so busy ? Lol

The cheating thing and the trust is the issue her. Also the fact she won't talk about her feelings

[Wakeup]

I signed up here with that username last year when I found out about her cheating on me. This is all in the past now. I'm just trying to understand why her sex drive for me did not return and what I can do to make her attractive to me again.

For some reason, I think she's no longer attracted to me because she knows me. Maybe she wants to try out something new, maybe even a threesome? She seems to only watch threesome/gangbang/orgy porn or porn where a woman gets it very rough, such as tied up and blind folded. I'm sexually very open and have no problem with my sexuality. However my girlfriend is such a closed book when it comes to her feelings.

Obviously she wants a future with me, but with the current sex life, I don't see a future. I'm trying to find a good balance to make her happy and have me not being frustrated.

"With the current sex life you don't see a future with her" yet she banged another guy and you still saw a future with her then. WTH?

She's bored with your sexlife by the sounds of things. Talk to her about this... certainly not us. Ask her what you need to do together to get yourself back to an emotional connection and the sexual one will follow.

[Asip4u]

Run! Chances of you being miserable for a very long time (especially if you marry her) are very high.

[TeeJay19]

Dude, you need to get out of this relationship. First of all she cheated on you, that should have been a pretty clear sign to end it. Now she's telling you she's constantly not in the mood, even though she's watching porn almost every day. Seems pretty obvious she's not sexually attracted to you, and if that's the case she's likely to cheat on you again, given her history.

You're not happy so best to cut ties before this relationship gets any more serious.

[vashti]

If she prefers porn to you, she probably isn't having orgasms with you. Either that, or she just doesn't like you anymore. Sorry.

[Simsala]

In my opinion, humans are not meant to spend their life with one partner. People in their 20s should go have crazy sex and get it out of their system. Get married and settle when they are in their mid or late 30s. This way it's a lot less likely that your girlfriend will ever have the need to be with another guy.

She might still love you, and is probably still attracted to you, but she wants more. She wants to experience a lot more in her sex life than just you.

Ever heard the saying "For every hot woman out there, there is at least one guy tired of sleeping with her". Except it's the other way around here. No matter how nice you will be to her, or how often you will go to the gym, she will have the constant need to experience sex with someone else. You even said she cheated on you very early in the relationship. She was probably never ready to be with you but did not realize that. She met you, saw how perfect you are in her eyes, then committed to you, but soon realized her sexual urges are not fulfilled yet. She wants to experience her sex life a lot more before settling with just one person.
Maybe she realizes that if she ever wants to settle down, get married and have kids, it would be someone like you, or even exactly you, but her sex cravings have not been fulfilled yet.
This is where the problem lies. You seem to be okay with just having sex with her, she wants to experience sex with different people.
Even if it's hurtful, she needs a wake up call. She can't keep you around until she has dealt with her sex issues. It seems that she wants to keep you on the side for your future, but meanwhile she wants to experience sex life as if she's single.
This is a VERY common problem in any relationship, and probably the number 1 reason why people cheat.

There are always two sides to a relationship, the loveable side of a person, the one you trust, are happy with and can rely on when you need them. And then there is the passion, the sex and the physical attraction. If either one of those doesn't exist anymore in your relationship, it's doomed to fail.

Of course you can go ahead with it, marry her in a few years, have babies and maybe have your sex life increase a bit now and then, but can you live with the constant sexual frustration knowing she will not have that passion for you that she once had? Or live in constant fear of her having sex with another guy?

Once the sexual passion is gone, it won't come back. That's the way humans are. You can try a break, live apart for a few months and then try see if she has that spark for you again. But as of now, she's a very confused woman who doesn't want to accept that her sexual urges haven't been fulfilled yet. If she prefers porn over you in such an early state of just under 2 years, then you're up for a hell of a relationship.

I myself would not want a girlfriend who cheated on me and then starts watching more porn that actually having sex with me. You'd have to have really low self esteem to accept a relationship like this. You can do better! Trust me the sea is big, plenty of fish, even if it doesn't feel like this at the moment. Find a girl who has only eyes for you and wants you as much as you want her.
This what you are going through is just pathetic and she or you should have ended it a long time ago

Good luck with whatever option you choose.

[Jessica12]

I feel, you should be over. Because, if not over, in the future, you must be very tired.

[Maria56]

As long as the form of love it