Advice With My Girlfriend And Her Friend

[chailli]

Okay, I'm going to explain this to the best of my abilities.

My girlfriend has this homosexual, male friend. Supposedly, they've been friends for years. But, just something about them talking and/or hanging
out with each other just bothers me and irks my skin, i'm not sure what it is. Even before we were boyfriend, and girlfriend, it didn't sit right with
me. She acts differently with him, then she does with me. Every thing he does, she wants to do as well. Every thing he says, even if its not funny
she laughs at. Every thing he likes, she likes as well. She'll say one thing to him, like I'm not going to get with her so easily, and do the other. She
just acts overly dramatic when there together and it bothers me. I don't like them talking to each other, and Ive hinted at it, but she didn't understand me to much. It irritates me. She always gets this big smile when she sees him and i don't like it.

I know I should just let her be, and not let it bother me to much, but it does. What do you think I should do. Any advice?

[Cerby]

You're being insecure. They're friends, and were before you were dating, therefore you have no legs to stand on here. Furthermore, if he is actually gay then there is really no threat to your relationship.

You're unhappy because your gf has someone else in her life that makes her laugh and smile, so you want to remove them. If you truly care for her then let her be happy with her friend. As long as they're not scewing around on the side what does it matter? (He is into men after all)

[TeeJay19]

How long have you guys been going out? It sounds like she's known this guy a lot longer than you so it's no surprise that she seems more comfortable with him than you since you two are probably still getting to know each other. As your relationship progresses I'm sure you'll find that you two will develop a similar comfort level.

And what exactly bothers you about their relationship? If you get to the root of the problem you may be able to learn how to better deal with these emotions. Are you jealous of their relationship? Are you worried he's going to steal her away from you? (I know you said he's gay but I've encountered a lot of guys who still feel threatened by gay guys talking to their girlfriends. Gay or not it's still a guy talking to your girlfriend). I have a feeling that if this friend was a woman there wouldn't be a problem.

Here's a suggestion: Try becoming becoming friends with this guy. Get to know him better. Maybe you'll find out he's really a nice guy and you have nothing to worry about. And if the three of you are all friends you can hang out together and you won't feel so left out. You may even get in on some of their inside jokes etc. Plus making an effort to become friends with your girlfriend's friends is real quick way to her heart.

[smackie9]

Would it have made a difference if he was a female and responded the same way? You are just jealous that she is more connected to him than you are....feeling second fiddle. You get involved with someone, you get involved with their life, their family and friends...it's a package deal. If you don't like what comes with her, then you need to find yourself a new GF.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Stop hanging out with her, when she's hanging out with him if it bothers you. When she wants to do something that you suspect he'll be around for, just tell her to go ahead and you'll catch up with her later. If you're not sure ask, is <friend's name> going to be there? If she says yes, then tell her you'll figure out something else to do. If she asks why or gets upset, just tell her that he's annoying and that she acts differently around him.

Don't try to tell her that she can't see him or that their friendship bothers you, just show her with your actions that you don't want to be around it.

[mwahahaha]

How annoying for you. It sounds like to me that your gf is becoming gay. Over dramatic gestures, watching reruns of ellen. What a ballache for you. I think your gf has some unresolved homoerotic issues to work through and she is using this bender as a cover for her own gayness. You need to issue her with an ultimatum. The other way to look at it is, this dude might just be pretending to be gay just so he can pump your woman. Either way you should probably kick his balls , just to be on the safe side.

[Asip4u]

Girls like to have gay guy friends...it's nothing new really. The only question you should be asking yourself is if you trust your g/f. If you do then it doesn't matter what this guy does. Work on your insecurities.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I don't think he feels threatened by this guy, as far as getting with his girl. It sounds like he doesn't like the way his girlfriend acts when she's with him. She sounds like she is easily influenced by him, and I've seen the type of thing he's describing happen. It doesn't matter whether its a gay guy, or girl, it is off putting to guy when a girl is easily influenced and/or their personality changes when with a certain friend. It makes the person look very weak.

[Asip4u]

I don't think he feels threatened by this guy, as far as getting with his girl. It sounds like he doesn't like the way his girlfriend acts when she's with him. She sounds like she is easily influenced by him, and I've seen the type of thing he's describing happen. It doesn't matter whether its a gay guy, or girl, it is off putting to guy when a girl is easily influenced and/or their personality changes when with a certain friend. It makes the person look very weak.

If that's the case it's a stupid reason to be upset imo. How his g/f acts around her friends (friends she's known for longer than him) is none of his business really.

[chailli]

"BackUpOrGetStng" has it right. I don't feel threatened by the guy, I just don't like how my girlfriend acts around him. I do know the guy, we do work together, that's how I met my girlfriend, through him. Also, we are friends, but not close friends, because he doesn't know, but of this reason. My girlfriend also has a gay girl friend, though i have never met her, but i don't think it would be different.

For example, he told her she went clubbing one night, and she said she wanted to go with him the next time he went. Next year he's going to school, and he asked her to sleep over and come party with her, and guess what, she told him yes. I don't know why, but that gets under my skin.

I do think some of you are right though, im 'jealous' of their relationship, i guess you can say. It just doesn't sit right with me. And yes, the guy is 100% gay.

But, i do think im going to take advice on saying no to when there hanging out together, and she asks me, and change my actions when she talks about him, and go from there. I just don't like him and her together, im not sure why, it just bothers me.

[chailli]

Also, she had this one friend that would ask her to take her to all these places when she got her license, and she got really upset at her for doing so, but he did the same thing at the start, but she didn't do it with him. I don't understand that.

[Asip4u]

Are you a homophobe or something?..Otherwise i don't get it. You even said he's 100% gay so why worry so much about it if you don't think he'd get with your g/f or something?

[smackie9]

If you are not happy with your relationship with her as a whole, then find someone else to date because with her, you get what you get and there is no changing that.

[chailli]

anymore opinions?

[smackie9]

Also, she had this one friend that would ask her to take her to all these places when she got her license, and she got really upset at her for doing so, but he did the same thing at the start, but she didn't do it with him. I don't understand that.

Because she really likes him. Secretly she wishes he wasn't gay.