Need Advice - Wife made out with guy at concert

[Bigmitch]

My wife told me last year that she meet this guy that was chaperoning two young guys at a concert. My wife was also chaperone two younger girls. They got placed together because the younger ones wanted to hang out so my wife and this guy hung out. They talked during the concert and he brought her a soda. At the end of the night it started to rain and he used him self as a shield to protect her from the rain. He then started to make out with her and placed his hands on her butt. She told me she was in shock and she never touched back but kissed back. It lasted about 10 seconds and she pushed him off. She said she was married and ran off. She says she didn't enjoy it or wanted it.

This happened 4 years ago and she told me just last year. I am told she waited so long because she was afraid id leave her. Since then We have been doing very well but it still effects me. I was scanning in some photos we had and noticed a box of them from that concert. There was 3 pictures of this guy in these. I also noticed my wife was wearing a biki top in the photos which she never does. She claims she was hot and had it under her shirt(AZ 110 outside). The pictures are just of this guy and the young er boys that were with him. Two of the photos were missing,(noticed from negatives), I asked and she said she had thrown them away. The only one left was him cut of next to my wife's younger friends but I noticed he was with the younger boys so I put it together. This has reopened the wound and am having problems getting over it. I have talked to her about the photos and what happened but I still don't feel good. How can I get over this and am I over reacting to this? Do you think this 10 seconds was way to long? Thank you

[songdanceditty]

Yes, 10 seconds was too long. But if you believe she didn't do anything more than that and she's trustworthy, then don't let it destroy your marriage.

What you're feeling is perfectly legitimate, and you have every right to those emotions. Find some way to express them and put them aside.

That she didn't "enjoy" it or "want" it is probably not accurate either, considering it was ten seconds and he wasn't holding her down. However, that doesn't mean she loved him or that she wanted to have sex with him. She probably just liked that he was giving her attention, and that was as far as she wanted to go with it. Period.

If you ultimately trust her and want to keep your marriage, tell her it was unacceptable, and you're angry, and not to do it again. But learn to let it go.

[smackie9]

She knows what she did was wrong, but people from time to time have a moment of weakness....many of them have posted on this site. You should be looking at your relationship with her, and maybe improve on things like adding new interests for you two to do, be more spontanious, more romance. It's true things can get boring or "comfortable" and we forget to do things as a couple like when we first started dating.......just spend more one on one time with her and apprciate what you have.

[mayhem2011]

10 seconds.......if she didn't want the kiss it could have lasted a much shorter time and to her felt that long because of the unexpectedness of it. She didn't tell you until now because she didn't want it to effect your reletionship at the time. I would happily believe her and put it in the past where it belongs.

[Petit Papillon]

I agree with mayhem2011, just try to forget it. If you'll tell yourself long enough that it means nothing to you, then at a moment it won't mean anything. Maybe you can even joke about it eventually

[VincenzoG91]

It's unlikely that you will ever know beyond the shadow of a doubt what happened, so you will just have to live with the uncertainty, no matter what you decide. I suspect that she is still fibbing about a couple of details, but she is doing so because she doesn't want to hurt you or lose you. It was probably nothing but a harmless flirtation that got a little out of hand.

I think that you should focus on the positive here. She confessed, when she could have just kept it a secret. She regrets what happened. And she wants you.

Think hard about what you have and how you would feel if you got divorced. Then think really hard about whether you can truly forgive her. If you can't get over this and let go of the negativity, that is understandable and you should get divorced. But if you can forgive her and really get over this, then take the opportunity to improve the romance in your marriage. I'm betting that she is willing to make extra effort to improve your marriage and make up for that incident. Just try to avoid bringing it up every time you argue with her, or you will both end up bitter.

[haxan]

It's not worth ending your marriage over by any means. Just talk to her, ask her what her feelings are toward you, her attraction, if she's looking for something else. You know her better than anyone on this board, so get her to have a no b/s talk about where you two stand.

[smackie9]

It was 4 years ago! let it go!

[vashti]

It must be exhausting for her to be with someone so neurotic about something that happened 4 years ago. I bet she's sorry she ever told you. I would be.

[smackie9]

Something similar happened to my husband, but I found out from his buddy...but he told me in front of my husband to his discontent. He didn't have any intension of telling me obviously. He down played it, just like your wife, but I just let it go because there was no sense bitching over it, what's done is done.

[Jessica12]

This is a very serious problem, I think, maybe you should do some communication.

[J.R.Jefferis]

This is a huge red flag in my opinion...you better sit down and talk to her openly about this.

JR

[cheekxs]

I dont know, you know her better then us!

We only know what you typed.
i can believe she was shocked and that she was afraid to tell till now, but..............the pictures missing makes it more difficult i guess.


if you are not guilty why all of that..........?


So maybe you need to have another type of conversation with her.
like a really calm one! from heart to heart. and come from a place of you are hurt but you want peace.
aND tell her what your feelings are, and why!
and how important it is for you to know the truth.
Let the conversation be open.

And out of that conversation if she tells the same thing and tell you its the truth, you will have to
leave it there. and work on to let it go.
And just tell her that you have difficulty to do so. Just be open about it. let her know how you feel and think about things like that,
and that you dont want thinks like that to happen again, and if something happen in the future you would like her to tell you and not wait that long.
So she knows where you stand.
And then pray to God so He can help you to let it go.

Cause i think there maybe be a lot of challenges when you are married. So do you let everything that happen destroy your marriage?
you need to be able to see what need what kind of attention and how to deal with what.
And we all people and we are not perfect. so we all may and will do one day something that the other dont like.
But important is how you deal with it and each other.
If it is not something big, you dont have to make it big. Just talk about it and give the other the opportunity to explain it to you.
And i think if she can say sorry about the part that was in her hand to do, it will be okay between u 2.

And if those pictures makes you remember the hurt , just trow them away!

[Barrettt]

i think you should forgive your wife because she loves you and she doesn't tell you about that because she don't want to lose you.

[Illusional]

who cares whether it was 10 seconds or 2 hours. i don't see how anyone would kiss back and not enjoy it at all...??? and why does she still keep these pictures of the concern? it's like she doesn't want to let go of this memory. first off, you should tell her to rid herself of these pictures, and that'll be a good start. secondly, you have got to talk it out with her and get over it yourself if you want to move forward in your relationship.


raverboy