Help found my boyfriend on a swingers website.....

[janexxx]

Hello

After some advice please - I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years we have lived together for 7 months, we are happy and I thought we were totally in love with one another - our sex life is still great. However, I just found out that he is on a swingers website, I got his password and read loads of emails to different couples telling them his is straight and wanted some nsa fun. He had posted pictures of himself (explicit ones) the emails are all dirty telling girls exactly what he would like to do to them, telling them what great bodies they have etc.... He was also asking if they would like to meet up for some dogging fun or anything else they might like. I also checked his email and it turns out that he has been emailing another woman telling her how much she turns him on and can she send him some photos of her and where she would like some action. Think you get the idea

I have confronted him about all this and he tells me he is sorry, embarrassed and he doesn't know why he did it and has promised not to do it again. He tells me he loves me and wants to put this behind us and move on.

I'm really struggling with all this and I just do not know what to do - how am I supposed to trust him after this - he tells me that he has never actually met anyone from the website, however, from what I read its not through want of trying - also not sure I believe him.

Any advice gratefully received

[surfhb]

Well the smart thing to do is break off the relationship and move on but Thats easier said then done. Its not like you are married and 3 years is not that long in the grand scheme of life and long term relationships. How old are you guys?

[janexxx]

I'm 41 and he is 48 - your right in that it is not easy just to walk away. We've only been living together for 7 months and I thought everything was going really well, until I found all this sh*t. I think if this had happened pre us living together then it would of been so much easier to walk away, however, now that we do live together the thought of life on my own fills me with dread. Plus I have 2 children (age 13 & 15) who have got used to having him around - just dont know what to do for the best

[lavalamp777]

The chances of him giving something like that up are not good. I don't know how open you guys are sexually, but, he might be a person that obviously needs more excitement in his life. Talk to him about it, tell him to be honest about his needs.

[Wakeup]

He's 48 years old. Do you really think that he's ever going to change? This guy is into NSA fun but wants a steady for when he's not doing his NSA.

Sandra Bullock knew that Jessie James used prostitutes went with porn actresses, was addicted to sex and she thought he would change for her.

He tells you he's never met anyone. If you believe that then believe it only because you caught him before he was able to set something up. Men who are willing to maintain their monogamy for you would not even be telling other women that he just wanted NSA fun.. never mind women that would give it to him if the connection was right.

Sorry, doll. At the very least, if you want to keep this one, ask him to go to couples councelling with you so that you can get help in regaining trust (in an unstrustworthy person) and he can, hopefully learn to become trustworthy.