We broke up, but I NEED to take a last stand.

[sythmod]

Hello guys.

This is kind of a follow-up from this one - [URL="http://www.loveforum.net/threads/65221-We-re-10-minutes-apart-and-we-re-both-sitting-alone-at-home.-And-it-s-frustrating."]We're 10 minutes apart, and we're both sitting alone at home. And it's frustrating.[/URL], which I just posted a few days prior.

So, i've been dating this girl for about six months, until she yesterday called it of by saying she sees me more as a friend and told me that her feelings had just been going downhill lately. I really didn't know how to respond as it pretty much came as a surprise. She said she really still wanted us to be friends, because I've turned out to be one of her best friends and one of the few people she knows who she can be 100% herself with. In that moment I told her that I understand, and that we can still be friends, but that's not what I really want. After we talked we still hung out for like 5 hours, still pretty weird seeing as I couldnt kiss her and all the usual stuff.

But I started thinking (when I was still at her place), that I really need to get over her if she really is over me. So after we had just dropped the subject, I brought it up again saying:
"Listen, to make it a lot easier for me to lose the feelings for you, you will have to tell me that you are 100% certain that this is what you want, and that you will never have any feelings for me again."
then she replied with "Are you really sure that will help?"
and she kinda hesitated, and I told her
"Just do it, it will be a lot easier for me."
and then she hesitantly said "Hm.. alright.. I've been thinking about it a lot and I'm sure, and I will never have the same feelings for you as I once had.",
and at that moment I got a bit shocked, as I was hoping she wouldn't be able to say it.

I do (partially) understand that this is a lost cause, but usually when something like this happens I just think that it's for the better, and I get over it. But I really do not want to get over her, at all. I'm afraid that she is misinterpreting her feelings, seeing as she is not good at interpreting her feelings at all.

I really want to take a last stand and just try to convince her that what we have is really special, and she knows that. But the last month we haven't had much time to hang out with as we've had a lot of tests and finals, and I'm just afraid that she has forgotten how amazing our relationship and friendship is, and I just want to try to make her understand that she will probably regret this. Our relationship is the most serious relationship she has ever had, so I just dont hope that she is misinterpreting and thinking that just because the "honey-moon"-phase is over, she thinks all her feelings are gone aswell.

So, to my question: Is there any chance that I can change ANYTHING? Her birthday is coming up in 5 days, and I'm usually quite romantic and I've painted her a nice (put really homemade) picture, and I've been thinking about writing her a old fashioned letter, where I try to set focus on her feelings and the feelings she had before, where I just tell everything as I feel it. I know I have a lot of influence on her if I try to convince her, but please give me some tips. I want to remind her of what we've had for a really long time. I want to tell her that it's not always going to be action in a relationship.

Please give me any advice, I REALLY want to fight for this girl, whatever it takes. I'm simply not ready to give her up yet, atleast not until I've tried everything. I've got nothing to lose, because I know that I can't be friends with someone I have feelings for when it's not mutual.

TL;DR: Girl says she will never have the same feelings for me again, I'm willing to fight to win her back over, is there anything I can do?

Thanks for reading,
19-year old.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Nothing you can do except drop her and move on. If there's any chance, it will come from your absence, not your presence. Cut all contact and next time she contacts you, just ask her not to contact you unless she wants to get back together. Being friends with her will ensure that's all you'll ever be.

[sythmod]

Nothing you can do except drop her and move on. If there's any chance, it will come from your absence, not your presence. Cut all contact and next time she contacts you, just ask her not to contact you unless she wants to get back together. Being friends with her will ensure that's all you'll ever be.

I do agree with you, but seriously.. is there nothing to do? Not even the slighest chance? Is it not even worth to try to win her back over?

Being friends with her will ensure that's all you'll ever be.

This I know.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

No. There's no gesture you can make to win her her back. The only thing that even has a chance of working, is letting her see that you are happy without her. It sounds like you were a clingy bitch during the relationship, and that's probably what pushed her away. Continuing to be a clingy bitch, is only going to push her further. There's a reason she wants to stay friends, so maybe not having whatever it is you do for her, will make her miss you, but you have to not be around for that. When she does get in contact, and I can guarantee she will, don't be so eager to see her.

[sythmod]

No. There's no gesture you can make to win her her back. The only thing that even has a chance of working, is letting her see that you are happy without her. It sounds like you were a clingy bitch during the relationship, and that's probably what pushed her away. Continuing to be a clingy bitch, is only going to push her further. There's a reason she wants to stay friends, so maybe not having whatever it is you do for her, will make her miss you, but you have to not be around for that. When she does get in contact, and I can guarantee she will, don't be so eager to see her.

Thanks, it does sound like a plan. I weren't a clingy bitch though, but I tend to act like one when I feel like there's nothing to lose.. so even though I've agreed that we can be friends, I should just not be there at all? Without telling her first, right?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Whether you were a clingy bitch in the relationship or not, you're being one now, so stop.

Just don't respond to the next two or three times she tries to contact you, whether its calls, texts, whatever. If she sends you something asking if you're mad, or if you hate her or something like that(she will), that's when you tell her that you're moving on and you don't want to be friends. Let her know that you'll consider getting back together if she knows that's what she wants, but other than that she is not to contact you at all. If she does contact you again, ask her immediately if she wants to get back together. If her answer is anything but a resounding, yes, hang up on her. You have to start being cold, short, and borderline mean to her.

[sythmod]

I appreciate your honesty. And I will definetly do this, when you put it in perspective it's a lot better than being a clingy bitch. I have a question though, I have birthday in 2 days, and she's got birthday in 4 days.. what should I do about that? Should I ignore her congratulations? Or should I just start this little "plan" after the weekend?

[Jason278]

Thanks, it does sound like a plan. I weren't a clingy bitch though, but I tend to act like one when I feel like there's nothing to lose.. so even though I've agreed that we can be friends, I should just not be there at all? Without telling her first, right?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Start it now. Ignore her happy birthday to you. Don't send her one, and definitely don't do anything dumb like send her a gift.

[sythmod]

If I give her the gift I made for her, will that jeopardize the plan? And if I start after the weekend, is it too late? I'm thinking it could help a bit if I wait till after the weekend, because then she will think that we're friends and everythings fine, when she suddenly realizes that I have stopped contact.. or am i totally wrong here aswell?

[HeartIsAching]

Oh ferchrissakes...

Drop it. You're not getting her back. You need to move on.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You don't want her to think you're friends. It's clear you don't have what it takes to do this. No, don't give her your stupid gift and do not wait to start. This is a perfect opportunity to show that you don't care. Honestly though the fact that I already called you out for making a gift for her shows that I'm already right about you.

Reread my last two posts. Reread them again. The advice does not change. Don't ask me anymore questions until you've done everything in those two posts.

[searock]

Actually, while I agree with the rest of BackUpOrGetStng's "plan", I think you should thank her if she wishes you a happy birthday (just a cold "thanks!" by text, do not reply to her eventual calls of course), and you should also wish her a happy birthday by text, a simple "happy birthday! :-)" include the smiley face so she won't think you're being purposely cold. If you don't wish her a happy birthday and don't thank her if she wishes you one, she'll think that you are hurting too much to contact her even for basic manners... don't give her that satisfaction. If she tries to start a conversation, don't reply.

[sythmod]

a simple "happy birthday! :-)" include the smiley face so she won't think you're being purposely cold.

I agree with this. I've been in a situation that was quite the same once, and to not reply just felt really unnatural.
But yeah, I guess it's time to freeze her out... better let the painting I made her rest on the shelf, even though I really wanted to see her reaction. Oh well, I will keep you posted if you'd like, I have a feeling this might get interesting.

[sythmod]

So today is my birthday, and she congratulated me early in the morning with a textmessage. I didn't reply and I kinda forgot about it, then I got another text later from her where she asked me "how my day had been so far", and I put my phone down and forgot about that one aswell.. this is difficult, it's like my feelings really would like me to just drive to her house and tell her what I feel and tell her that shes making a huge mistake, when my brain wants me to play this "plan" through. It has kinda ruined my birthday,even though I've been with friends and everything.
Sorry for my self-pityness.