did i read it wrong?

[justask4it]

7 years ago i met this guy. we just started to text and e-mail at first and then we met at a party. the way he talked to me on text and e-mail, i thought he liked me but during the party, he ended hooking up with my friend. after a year, he asked me to go out with him but I can still remember that he went out with my friend instead of me. He told me that I was too shy that's why he hook up with my friend (i'm not usually a kind of person who jumps at a guy on the first meeting). So, I told that, yeah, I will go out with him. But I didn't. We lost touch. And after a year again, he contacted me , asking me for the second time to go out with him. But this time, his friend ask me to go out with him as well. So, I was thinking that maybe they're just making fun of me so I said yes to both of them. And then I found out that he really has a girlfriend...so I stick up with his friend until now.

My relationship with his friend is unstable. We broke up few days ago and this guy, asked me out again for the third time. I'm not sure what he really wants from me. He said he likes me but I'm pretty sure he will leave me after he gets laid. He's a jerk and nice at the same time. He doesn't have a girlfriend right now because I do the checking. He tells me about settling down and all that shit. He asked me what I wanted. I told him that, when we're done having sex, we're never going to talk again, as if we don't know each other. Because, he's like that. Love'em and leave'em kind of guy. He asked me if that's really what I want and I said yes because I'm really scared because he's an asshole. (So I have to appear really tough, where in fact, I got nervous around him.) and of course, that's not what i really want. I want him to stick around. I want a stable relationship with him because I like him and if I ever admit it to him. So, instead of hooking up with him, I reconcile with his friend. He said it was cool because it makes "happy". I really don't know what does it means. If he means it's cool as long as I am happy. And right now, we talk like no conversation happened. Like no flirting happens. Nada. As if I'm just someone he knew..well, maybe I am.

I'm not sure if my actions are correct and I'm so confuse right now...what should I do? should I stick to his nice friend or give him a shot ( but I'm really scared coz he is not safe, he's making me sweat)

[searock]

First of all, you should stop telling guys that you want certain things when in fact you want something else. Stop trying to appear "tough", all you achieve is to keep guys away from you or to get things that you don't really ant. Just be honest, and if you get a negative vibe from someone, don't start lying: just don't date them.

Do you like being with his friend? Or are you just dating him *because* he is *his* friend? If this is the case, then you should definitely stop dating him - REGARDLESS of the situation with the first guy. If you still like the first guy, tell him that you want to go out with him. On your first date, tell him that you are looking for a serious relationship and you aren't interested in sleeping around just for the sake of it. If you're pretty sure that he's only looking for sex, don't go out with him again.

[justask4it]

At first, I dated his friend to get back at him when I found out that he has a girlfriend and i keep the relationship up until now, though it's not really stable from the start. I really don't want to hurt the second guy coz he considered the first guy one his bestfriends. And the first guy, being an asshole, doesn't really care if his friend would get hurt...

After the first guy learned that his friend and me got back together, he ignores me. i mean he still talks to me but he never mention anything about us. we actually hang out together and I'm thinking I'm the only who feels like the situation is so awkward. I know this sounds stupid, but, how will I know if I truly matters to him? I'm really thinking of getting things straight for us, and stop being unfair with his friend, but I want my feelings to be safe...

[searock]

You have no feelings for his friend so you should break up with him.

After you've done that, you can figure out what you want. Just stop wasting the second guy's time, and your own as well.

[bluesummer]

And the first guy, being an asshole, doesn't really care if his friend would get hurt...

Because, he's like that. Love'em and leave'em kind of guy. He asked me if that's really what I want and I said yes because I'm really scared because he's an asshole

Tell me why you want to date this 'asshole' again? What is your fascination with this guy you obviously have no real like or respect for?

Oh, and break up with his friend, you don't really like him and it's not nice what you're doing to him.

[Mathias]

but, how will I know if I truly matters to him?

You won't. Get out of this situation entirely, and stop playing games with people. You're not going to get anywhere in life, nor end up with a decent guy who's worth a crap if you keep this up.

[Jason278]

Thanks for your post.