Hesitant to settle. More exploration? More sex?

[MikeJ85]

Hello,

I am curious about other people's experiences (male or female) on the following matter. Sorry about the length of the post, but I hope you read it all.

First a short history: I am in a happy and meaningful relationship. Me and and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years and are currently living together. She has been in previous longer relationships, but for me she is my first real girlfriend. Neither of us had had sex prior to our relationship and it has been fun to experiment together and I think we are pretty good at it by now. We are not afraid to try new things or ask each other's preferences. I would say the quantity and quality of our sex life is good.

However, one thing I keep thinking is how would the sex be with a different partner (as probably majority of men think?). Before her I have had chances to have sex with other women, but I have always turned them down, because it didn't feel right. But now that I am experienced and more confident about my abilities, I constantly keep thinking of having sex with someone else. Somebody else with different type of body, with different shapes or size of body parts etc. (I know it sounds like I am only thinking of the looks of the surface). I keep thinking that I wish I had more sex and experienced more before meeting her. Just a feeling of wishing to explore more.

I am not thinking of cheating, because I would never do that and would never like it if someone did it to me. I keep thinking that if I end up spending, say, the rest of my life with her, am I going to live the life with only having one sex partner? I know eventually she wantsmarriage, but I am hesitant to commit to her, because of my feeling of exploring more. I don't want to keep her waiting, if I know am not going to marry her, because that would break her heart even more. But I also don't want to break up, because it is a lot of fun living together and I like spending time with her.

Why is it so hard to settle, even though I am in a happy relationship?

Any comments or experiences are welcome and appreciated! I am thinking this is quite normal to feel this way, and just want to get other people's opinions.

Thanks so much!

[bluesummer]

Yeah, it's totally normal to feel that way. I don't know anyone who hasn't, honestly....although you always get the one person on here who's like "no I love my partner ad I never wondered what it would be like to sleep with someone else, they are perfect...." blah blah blah and either lying or totally naive.

If this ends up being the only girl you have sex with, you'll always wonder. But isn't that why our imaginations are so great? In your head you can have sex with whoever you want. Actually going out and doing it is often disappointing. I've had my fair share of partners and could happily do away with 80% of those experiences. You do learn a lot from sleeping with other people, but it sounds like you and your gf are willing to try new things and keep your sex life fresh, so you're making up for it there.

I don't want to tell you to settle down and commit to this girl, but if it's really just sex then really you're not missing much. Make sure you dig deep and realize that's all it is though. It sounds like this is your first gf if you haven't had sex with anyone else, which also leads me to believe you're still young. So then, a point: most people do not spend the rest of their lives with their first serious bf/gf. They just don't. The reason why isn't necessarily wanting to sleep with other people, but just that you grow and change as a person so often and you just yearn for different life experiences.

I was with my first bf for 5 years. I stayed with him after the first three years only because I figured I had invested so much time into this person it was stupid to go elsewhere. He wasn't a bad guy. I just yearned for different life experiences, and I got them and I'm a better person for it. Just compare that to how you're feeling and see if your commitment issues are strictly sex-based.

[Jason278]

many thanks

[pisces25]

Yeh be careful coz if you do go off for a few years exploring and having fun with other women you may come to a time when you are to settle and wish someone like your GF/ex was around. In any case I agree with BS, if you are young it is more than likely this will not be your first and only r/ship (even though it may feel like it). Settling at a young age is difficult as you are still finding out who you are.

Try being honest with her and telling her how you feel. If you do end up together *forever* this is probably only one small hurdle you guys will face and you need to be able to communicate it. Good communication now will set the foundation for things that occur later to be communicated properly.